Why We Get Triggered

The notion of being triggered, although sometimes overused, rests upon a profoundly significant concept within the realm of psychology . Being triggered, at its core, entails reacting with intense fear and anger to a current situation, which, to others, may appear innocuous and untroubling. In one moment, we may be composed, and in the next, we find ourselves plunged into despair and terror. The future, which once seemed promising only moments ago, now appears fraught with ruin and catastrophe. Those who experience these episodes would greatly prefer to maintain their composure and optimism. While it is crucial to understand how to experience fear or anger when circumstances genuinely warrant it, being triggered often feels counterproductive and utterly draining. It involves grappling with powerful emotions that are unjustified by the immediate surroundings and offer no benefit to our well-being.

The path to overcoming uncontrollable triggers lies in comprehending the mechanics behind this phenomenon. The mind becomes triggered when it perceives a situation in the external world that it associates, based on memory, with significant harm and danger. Our triggers serve as cryptic guides to our personal histories, shedding light on experiences that once filled us with fear. Each trigger is akin to a puzzle piece, perfectly fitting into a corresponding past trauma. Even if our recollection of the past is hazy, we can deduce much about it by reverse-engineering our triggers. If a constant fear of rejection and ridicule plagues us, it likely mirrors past experiences of exclusion and mockery. Similarly, if we fear being dominated and unheard, it probably echoes a past event where our voice was stifled. The exact correspondence between the trigger and the catalytic event may not always be exact, but a strong connection persists. The trigger encapsulates and aligns with a traumatic occurrence.

Imagine someone who becomes triggered into profound despair and self-loathing upon seeing images of attractive and popular individuals on social media. These images trigger a cascade of self-doubt, self-loathing, and a recollection of all the reasons they believe they are destined for failure and lovelessness. The trigger is not entirely baseless; there is indeed something disheartening about the idealized images prevalent on certain social media platforms. However, the crux of the issue lies in the magnitude of the emotional response it elicits. To comprehend this, we must delve into the past. This individual's trigger stems from an implicit, unconscious, and garbled representation of a deeply traumatic dynamic from earlier in life, one that remains largely unexplored and unknown. This past trauma holds immense power over the individual.

Suppose, for instance, that this person had a mother who favored their younger, more rebellious sibling and contributed to their neglect and emotional detachment due to their appearance. It doesn't take much for them to be transported back to this bleak emotional state. Humans are biologically predisposed to detect any hint of past dangers in their current surroundings. The tragedy of being triggered lies in its failure to distinguish between past and present, between the anguish endured long ago and the relative innocence of the present moment. Even if negative events do occur in the present, being triggered fails to account for our growth and the increased capacity to respond with creativity, strength, and composure compared to our childhood selves. We now possess more options than we did as children, giving us ample reasons to feel less agitated. Being triggered robs us of our capacity for discernment, rendering everything between "A" and "Q" as just another "A." We lose the ability to distinguish between reality and our fears, between harmless fatigue and fundamental inadequacy, between external situations and our internalized sense of doom. Our history primes us for dreadful scenarios, making it almost impossible not to reinterpret them at every turn, especially when we feel fatigued or low.

Curiously, even though we might assume that we'd want to escape our triggers, we are often drawn to them due to a compulsive sense of familiarity. Calm and confidence, while desirable, may feel abnormal and unsettling. We are strangely drawn to our pessimistic hunches, seeking confirmation of our worst fears. It can feel oddly right to place ourselves in environments where we anticipate mockery or to seek stories of disgrace or ruin. The cure for being triggered lies in love, defined as a patient process of holding and nurturing someone, much like a caring and soothing parent would. This process helps individuals discriminate between black and white, terror and calm, evil and goodness.

The remedy also involves retracing our steps from current triggers to unravel the dynamics that originally created them. Instead of fixating on the future, we must inquire about the past: What does my fear of what might happen tell me about what did happen? The solution to overcoming triggers is to navigate the present with the confidence and eager curiosity that should have been our default state from the beginning. Maturity can be defined as knowing what triggers us and why, accompanied by a commitment to temper our initial reactions in favor of a patient exploration and understanding of our personal histories.