Why it is hard(-er) to achieve happiness in America

After spending a year in Denmark and then marrying a Dane I became obsessed with discovering what makes this country the (almost!) happiest place on Earth.

People went about their daily business in the capital with an ease that was almost unbelievable to Americans. It was almost like I could feel the joy in the air when I visited Copenhagen.

Skeptical at first I wondered if Danes had been brainwashed to believe they were happy. Perhaps they didn't understand what happiness meant. It was impossible to be happy in such a "boring", I thought.

New Yorker by nature, I was anxious and suspicious by default. I missed the constant stimulation that the city offered. Happiness was, to me, a warm slice or pizza.

But I learned to soften over time. You can't help but calm down when everyone around you is scared or angry.

Happiness does not require an individual effort

It was evident that the Danish felt more content and relaxed than they did in their daily lives. However, this happiness didn't come from a single person. The well-being of its citizens was influenced by the entire society.

Individual happiness is easier when a government puts the well-being and security of its citizens before accumulating wealth or power.

The Scandinavians are proud of their high quality life and high satisfaction levels. A country's success is measured by its happiness level.

Unfortunately, America is further away from well-being than ever.

It's easy to get lost in all the noise around the word "happiness". We rarely stop to consider why we need to work so hard to attain it.

It could be that the American society was not designed for well-being, but to pursue individualism and possessions, which can then lead to happiness being misunderstood.

I have drawn some conclusions from my observations of Danish people and the things that are necessary to make a society happy and healthy. Why the U.S. is not there yet.

Here is the first half of my list.

It should be easy to have a family

Being a parent shouldn't be an overwhelming task. It is often a burden in America.

There is nothing more fundamental than creating a family. Building healthy families is essential for building a healthy society.

From New York, where children were a privilege, I was shocked to see how many happy, young families crowded the streets of Copenhagen. Because the Danish government is very invested in their children,

Copenhagen University was home to me. I saw student moms and their strollers jogging in the cafeteria with their classmates. Imagine strollers in NYU's halls. It would be almost impossible to have children and study in major U.S. cities. This would also make it look very "uncool."

However, it's not uncool to have children in Copenhagen early. People in Copenhagen can afford to have more than one child. This is something that many New Yorkers find difficult.

Denmark offers free education and students can be paid to attend university. If they have children, they get even more. The government provides generous maternity leave. The government provides quality childcare that is affordable and accessible. The work hours are shorter and it is acceptable to leave early to pick up your child or attend to an emergency. According to my research, Denmark is not a country where you can put work above family or expect your employees do the same.

The U.S. is nearly the exact opposite of Denmark when it comes to raising children.

The American government is not even aware of parental needs.

Television sitcoms are made about parenting challenges.

According to some, having children can be bad for the environment.

We are encouraged to wait until we reach adulthood to "afford" having a child.

If we wait too long, it's a sign that we should spend our savings on fertility treatments.

With the idea of starting our own family, we have a love-hate relationship.

What next?

Trust your government.

Like all Scandinavians and Danes, they believe their government will do the best for them. It does.

All the things Danes consider to be a given are free healthcare, education, parental support, and generous welfare. However, they know that their government makes it possible. They aren't afraid to pay high taxes, as they know that the money will be used wisely.

Healthy relationships with your government are a powerful and basic goal.

On the other hand, Americans aren't as trusting the authorities as they should be and don't have any reason to. We also don't trust government rules. Or each other. Rules are for suckers. If you're not first you're last. It's a sad state of affairs.

To trust your government, you must feel safe.

This means that you don't have to live your life in defensive mode. What could be more comforting?

It is important to trust each other

The Danish are charming. They are friendly, smiling, polite, and always happy for you to learn English. After a year living in Denmark, I discovered their unique behavior that I found particularly charming: their adherence to the rules.

For better or worse, crossing the street, biking or waiting at the supermarket is all Danes do.

Although I was a New Yorker at first, I found it hard to accept such predictability. But, as time went on, I started to wonder if the country's reputation for being one of the most happy countries on Earth could have been due to this blind devotion towards order.

New Yorkers know that it is part of daily survival to have to defeat the system in order to succeed. It's what we call the hustle and hustle. New York City, America, is chaotic. It's impossible to relax in New York City or the rest of the United States because there's so much tension.

Denmark is, however, a country that values order. Denmark, on the other hand, is ordered.

It's a way to communicate trust with the society and a way to say "I got your back."

You don't have to worry about your safety on the commute. I will always signal when I turn left from my bike. I also know that you will always stop at the red light so I don't have to worry about crossing the road.

This system is able to take a lot out of your daily life, which leads to a happier lifestyle.

There is so much distrust in American society, that it's hard to believe that following the rules would be a sensible thing to do. So we continue to live with our every-man-for-himself mentality.

Unfortunately, many Americans choose to seek happiness by isolating themselves, rather than reaching out to their fellow Americans.

You can certainly find contentment anywhere, but you have to work harder in certain societies.