Why Decluttering is a Journey - Not a One Time Fix

Beyond our stuff, material goods and possessions; there is more to decluttering our homes and personal space than simply asking the question as to whether or not each and every item in your home sparks joy. I am in awe of Marie Kondo and other minimalists who share and inspire in a noisy world of obsession and wanting more, more, and more each and every single day; yet the items in our home can cut beyond skin deep. The key is to also take inspiration from Jerry Seinfeld, and not allow our homes to be garbage processing centres, the latter of which anyone reading this article does not want. Read on.

Naturally, it is easier to discard and let go of items that do not spark joy, and that do not invoke heavy emotions, whether positive or otherwise. This is why you feel so excited, high and amazing for the first few days after spring cleaning a home, and then scratching your head a few days, if not weeks later as to why clutter creeps back in, like an unwanted house guest breaking in, or a mouse quietly tapping in and finding more cheese to nibble on.

"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak." - Hans Hofmann.

Why does this happen?

Promises that you never need to clean your house again from engaging in "one spring clean" is misleading and demotivating when the clutter creeps back in. And dust particles naturally form, just saying. Naturally, decluttering removes the excess stuff or junk in your house, yet no deeper behavioural changes have blossomed as a by-product of such. Without enforcing and building in helpful daily and weekly micro-tidying habits, and giving your valuable possessions a suitable place in your home (that is, their own home); clutter will naturally rebuild.

This is not a personal flaw or a failure. In micro-tidying your home, perhaps enforce a rule by staying strong and resilient to marketing and advertising by only bringing three new items into the home after, and only after three items have been removed from your home, whether via selling such items, mindfully giving them away, and/or recycling thoughtfully.

Storage is not a solution. The aim is to reduce volume of your items, rather than merely storing them in bins and baskets, beyond just wanting to keep your home neat and tidy. Remember, the more stuff you own, the more it owns you. The aim is to only invest in material items that are designed to give you longevity in the joy department; yet as life revolves, and you grow and revolve around life; sparking joy is not always clear cut.

Just because clutter may creep back in, does not mean that you are terrible at decluttering your personal space and home. Clutter returning, whether conscious of it or not is not your fault. Seasons constantly change. We all go through cycles. Therefore it is wise to cut yourself some slack, and declutter one room at a time. Decluttering goes beyond discipline and motivation. Life happens. People lose jobs. People get sick and injured. People get married and start a family. People upsize, and conversely downsize their homes - or move to a similar sized home. People's work hours increase or decrease. People break up in relationships. People also recover from their adversities. This is why the expected or mainly unexpected accumulation of clutter should not come as a surprise to anyone. And why even the Sadie's amongst us when it comes to cleaning the home should be at peace with a less tidier home sometimes. This is why it is helpful to assess your space during periods of major change - not just during Spring or the warmer months, or at the start of a new year. (And that includes Chinese New Year - a really auspicious time to declutter and get clear regardless.)

It is natural to be more attached to some personal items in our homes than others, way beyond sentimental items such as tangible awards and family photos. All of us carry memories and life cycles in our homes of who we once were, and perhaps who we wish to become once again. Gifts (that perhaps were not as mindful for us as recipients) that we feel guilty to let go of, could also be hanging in there. Boxes from your child/children's younger years. Jeans from a body we once had. Clothes that we want for a future self to enjoy, and/or from a past self just in case the weight goes back on again. (We hope not, but just in case right, in order to save money.)

When clutter holds heavy and powerful emotions - this is why decluttering is so f*cking hard, and is not a one-time instant fix. Us humans have empathy, and we are social creatures with different values, feelings and emotions. Decluttering is not about spring cleaning, tidying up and clearing a space; it is an emotional journey, and this is why many people become stuck while decluttering, and commonly so the clutter returns left field. People with serious mental illnesses have messier homes due to the heavy emotional and dead weight they are carrying, with no energy whatsoever for the decluttering process. Again, it goes way beyond emotion and discipline, based on how our brains are wired at the time. No judgements. Everyone's psyche is different.

Every single item we own tells a story, both to ourselves and unconsciously to those who we choose to invite into our home as guests/visitors. Every single item shares a memory of what was happening to you at the time of purchasing each and every single item, whether online or via the high street, it does not matter. Or if such item/s were given as a gift. These items hold onto our hopes, fears and dreams. This goes beyond holding onto objects and items one by one and asking whether you need it anymore or not. In such moments, us humans are holding onto who we were, who we thought we were, who we thought we would be, and/or who we are afraid of losing. Identity shifts and the loss of one's identity is so real. Letting go is a form of loss, and us humans grieve over every form of loss. This is why the game of being ruthless with tidying up can be so far fetched when emotions and emotional attachments are involved. Letting go of certain items (even if they no longer spark joy) can feel like you are erasing a part of yourself, your persona, or closing a door that should not be slammed shut just yet.

This is why it is always a shock to the system when space opens up again. One of my late uncles (when I helped him declutter his bachelor pad, he was unfortunately a true hoarder) was in real shock to see a patch of carpet, despite it needing a serious steam clean from years of papers scattered on the floor. For some people empty, minimalist spaces can trigger feelings of unease, and can make some people uncomfortable - which is why the vacuum is re-created with clutter again to make such people feel safe. This is why decluttering the home and personal spaces is more of an inside job. Do the inner work on yourself to help regulate your emotions, and to reassure your unconscious mind that you want and deserve a clean, minimalistic home. Engaging in some Inner Child work here, and facing your shadows is confronting, yet ever so helpful. When the emotional attachment to your stuff softens, the space in your home remains minimalistic. "What does this item represent?" is a better quality question to ask during the decluttering process.

Clutter can also take the form of postponed decision making rather than mess. "But what if I need this again someday?" That is a valuable and sensible question to ask. My late uncle even asked the same question over old printed bus timetables that were scattered on his floor, combined with lotto tickets, and saying that he will 'one day' have the need to write something down on an old blank, semi-scrunched up piece of paper on the floor.

It is further validated and rational to ask the same 'need it someday' question in a cost of living crisis, and understandably so. I held onto my elevation pillow, cam boot, ankle brace and shoe balancer from an ankle fracture injury a few months ago (again, as at the time of writing), just in case all of this stuff is needed again "if" the plates and screws in my left distal fibula need to be surgically removed down the track. This is expecting the worst, and it is common to hold onto stuff that we once needed, do not currently need, and that we might need again in the future is more logistical and logical than emotional; yet this is fear based thinking. This scarcity mindset (rather than one of abundance, help and support) paralyses the majority of the decluttering motivations and initiatives out there. 99% of the time that day never comes, and if it does, you are supported through your adaptability, and your faith in yourself, and in trusting your life more. Letting go is not about losing security whatsoever.

Us humans do not like to be wasteful either, yet you are doing others a disservice by not arranging for recyclers (whether local council or otherwise), and by selling and/or giving such items away that could benefit others in their dire time of need for such. Letting go of the stuff that you think you might or definitely need in the future is about living in the present right here, and right now. And it also enhances your self esteem and confidence in moving forward with your goals, dreams and desires for the future. We are all provided for. Always.

In concluding, your living space is not meant to be magazine perfect. You do not know how many hours of photoshopping was done to get those perfect glossy images of pristine homes that are not 100% realistic to live in. Every item needs a home, a direction. If each and every item in your house does not have its own home base (no different to how house keys are usually placed on a key rack by walking in) - such items will end up on counters, chairs, and floors.

It is up to you as to how often you want to review your decluttering journey, just like a tune up; no different to how a car needs to be serviced every six months in order to stay roadworthy. You are clever enough to know what you need to do with your stuff. For example, instructions on using a particular item can now be found online, without the need to hold onto manual instruction books. On the other hand, if you like the feel of reading things in print, then you do you. Remember, you should only buy something new for something you got rid of, from pillows to toothbrushes - this is how you keep a home clean and either clutter free or only holding onto minimal clutter. A bit of organisational ability is needed when it comes to arranging pick ups from others and eBay/Craigslist/Facebook Marketplace listings to name; yet the small wait and persistence is so worth it, knowing that your once loved and useful items are being transferred into the right hands, while you free up your personal space, that uplifts the psyche and confidence of anyone who is keen on living and working in a clutter free space.

I shall leave you with an inspiring song, where decluttering and turning your space from maximalism to minimalism for better health and vitality is all about "going your own way." Although this song was initially written in response to a breakup (a different form of decluttering, in a way); the cathartic release is real; and when you get into the spirit of releasing the material possessions in your home that no longer serve you - you are truly going your own way and in creating your own path for more abundance in every area of your life. Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac: