When Will It End?

I was married to a narcissist for 10 years. Yes, that is a long time to stay in an emotionally abusive relationship. I am aware of it. And there are days where I absolutely despise myself for doing so, but I have to remind myself it was not my fault. For those of you who have never been in an abusive relationship, you would not understand and I praise Jesus for you that you don’t.

The relationship never starts out abusive. He was nice. Charming. Had a plan for the future. But over time I started to deteriorate. I found myself isolating. No friends. No family. My ex- husband was so controlling that I was not allowed to go for a walk without his knowledge. I wasn’t allowed any money nor could I go to the store myself. I was expected to be the “good Christian wife.”

I will say this: 3 good things came from that marriage. My daughter and 2 sons. Even though one of those sons are with Jesus now. It was no one’s fault. Jesus decided to take him home early on in the pregnancy. However, that was the turning point in our marriage. My eyes were opened and I could see my ex as he truly was. But it was almost too late.

My children were under gaurdianship by my sister and her husband. I left the end of 2019 and moved closer to my sister so I could see my children. November, I went to my sister and told her I wanted a divorce. She said okay but that was about it. February 2020, my “husband” sent Valentine’s Day candy and letter to me. I let my sister read the letter and she responded with “you just need to decide what you want to do.” I told her that I made my decision in November and it hasn’t changed.

I’m gonna pause here for a moment and let everyone know that because of the abuse I suffered through my marriage, I was placed into mental facilities 5 different times in the span of 1 year. No one realized that I was trying to escape. By the time I moved closer to my children, I was on a gallon size zip lock bag half full of psych medications. This is why I was waiting for my sister to help with the divorce. I was still coming off a bunch of the medicine I should have never been on to begin with.

So back to the story. I finally met with a lawyer the exact same week that our state decided to shut down because of Covid. I met with the lawyer, gave him the money and a month later the divorce was filed. However, it was almost an entire year before the divorce was finalized. My sister told me it was because of Covid. Now I’m coming to realize, while Covid may have slowed things down a bit, it shouldn’t have taken 10 months just because of Covid. It was a cut and dry divorce. Even though there was 2 children from the marriage, my sister had guardianship so that wasn’t a factor. Come to find out, my sister went for child support. She believes that if you don’t pay child support, you shouldn’t be able to see you children. So now I pay more in child support than I do for rent. I am frustrated with this decision because she knows I struggle (not really but I’m really tight on money) while she is over there with tons of money.

She knows how tight I am on money because she will hold on to my check, I cash it, get the money orders she tells me to and give her everything back. Oh. I forgot to mention I work for my sister too. As well as rent from her. I know fun right?

**Keep checking in for the next installment of this story**