What does Losing your mind look like?

What is it supposed to look like when you lose your mind? Are you sleeping? Do you eat? In my case it's a personality change. I was always a nice person. My past was very violent, no pity ME's here but I spent most of my life trying to be a better person. I didn't want to be the one who was rude, drunk, or obnoxious. Stress manifests itself in many ways, I started blocking things out and then people and then ideas. I became so tired with myself and the world around me. I stopped speaking to people and started missing work and needing to de-stress. Nothing helped and trips to my psychologist are becoming more frequent with the non-urgent thought of actually hurting myself as I have now hurt others. I changed as a person because the usual happy, content, personality changed to a mean, insulting, and degrading individual. I called out another associate at my work out on the floor without any reason and really upset her which is not like me at all. When I realized that I was stressed to be hurting so bad that I started lashing out it was time for a change. Being physically damaged to the point that I could not work was starting to sound more appealing.

Know that I am not looking to do anything stupid. NOT going to damage myself and definitely don't want to hurt others. I'm seeking psychological counseling and taking a breather. I need all the help I can get right now because I have never been so stressed. I could use all the support and encouragement that anyone is willing to show me. I am a depressed individual and now has just gotten worse into a slope of disapprovals and agony that is being taken out on others. I have been keeping my space as not to affect any other people. My poor husband is supportive, but he only knows what I can explain and doesn't know the half of what I have been through the last month. Being pushed beyond expectations at work with no thank you.... working till 3am and later with not even a chance of a break. No gratefulness, I went home the next morning at 1 am and I was guilt tripped into feeling like I was leaving all this work and there is a lot, off on other members of my team because I started taking care of myself.

Conversations will be had all around, but things need to change. I need to do something different. Find a way to maintain who I am with who they need me to be without becoming what they told me I'd need to become to be able to do this job. To do my job properly I was told that I needed to be a witch with different lettering. I have been doing 12–15-hour days several days a week and I'm coming to the conclusion that I may not be the right person for this job. At what point does a person say enough? And how is that something that a person is supposed to know? This may just be the ramblings of an insane woman on break from a recent mental break that has occurred due to being overworked and stressed and not taken care of properly.

I guess enough is enough when one finally snaps like I did and decided that treating people fairly is not a necessity or even being civil is something that should be done. I knew when my associate at worked asked what was wrong with me and the way I responded was not like me at all. These women have been working with me for years and they know me as a sister, friend, and more. How could I let stress become so bad that I started mistreating my sisters?

Movies and tv shows have nothing on what an actual mental breakdown look like. In my case refusing to participate in anything life related and not being able to stand even the nice parts of other personalities. Therapy is a must and will be happening shortly however what am I supposed to do in the meant time? I know what things I would like to do but those are not good ideas and I'm safer at home. Sitting here with my brain screaming at me all the time is not going to work out for a long-term plan and I have started running and working out again but that only helps so far when I am not even happy with the results that I have been getting. I have lost like 8Lbs. It would be a great story to start with in my new beginnings chapter if I cared enough to actually think about anything other than my misery.

So, for now I will sleep and rest and see my shrink because there are no literal moves for me to make because I am so burnt out of options, I can't think of anything. I still look the same and are physically healthy. This is not one of those things that can be noticed by looking at me. It's all mental and If I get in trouble than that's what's going to happen. I at least decided to do some smart things and start isolating myself from others as to protect them from what mood shift or personality change that may be happening right now. This has been stressed that has been building up for months and it took being called to the office to speak with other managers to get me to this point. Finally, I'm calling crap and taking a step back to see what is actually going on and why we are starting to act differently. I have never been rude or mean. Until now I have been usually chippered and content. If you start to feel any of these things or have been feeling them for a while, I encourage you to seek help. Whether is a doctor or a shrink, I suggest that you do so. Everyone needs help sooner or later. For me the time is now.