Vocal gives you a voice

I don't know if Johnny Depp realized the negative impact of his defamation suite against his ex-wife Amber Heard may have on women who are abused but I do hope it will give men the courage to voice their abuse that they are suffering. I cannot honestly say one way or another that Amber Heard ever had suffered any abuse by the hands of Johnny Depp because everyone was so against her and the only video that showed him acting violently was directed at the cabinets in his kitchen. But that video was very powerful to me only because I have been there. The noises of slamming and crashing objects is a trigger for people in abusive relationships. It does not matter if Johnny did not hit amber in that video nor if he never laid a hand on her, the video shows a temper under the influence of alcohol and that is exactly what Amber Heards attorneys wanted everyone to see. The thing is it also showed that People who have been abused can have bad moments and it is really due to the frustration due to the loved one they are living with. When home life becomes a negative atmosphere it can and will effect you. And as far as a toxic workplace that can change how a spouse behaves as well. The company my husband works for is a big part of his abuse towards me. Not everything he does I blame on his work but it was not long after taking the job when he started to change. Maybe Ill write a story about that. After all ,no one say that the people who you spend time with will not have any effect on you. That's ludacris!

I am in an abusive marriage and at the age of 62 and because I depend on him financially it has become my greatest downfall. It has left me with no future. To begin with there have only been a couple of occasions where he got physical with me but none the less it does not make it any less serious because he did not beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. Emotional and mental abuse are far more damaging then physical abuse, one is generally synonymous with the other. Not even 4 days after watching the Johnny cabinet video my husband came in drunk and it sounded like he was kicking something while yelling horrible things, trying to get me to come out to fight. later I found that he had busted up the toilet and all the water came out onto the floor. It smelled like alcohol piss for days. When he was screaming all that stuff I hard a hard time trying to get my phone to record. I also had my TV up n volume but did not want to turn it down or he would then know I was awake. I was terrified so much I thought I was going to have a heart attack. The one thing that so many of us ask ourselves is why. We want to know the answer to that more than anything else. Why is this person who told me that he loved me and wanted to be with me forever doing this? You might get answers in the beginning like they had a bad day at work or something to that effect but as time goes on it all becomes about something you did or did not do and that is when it becomes a punishment ,as though we are children, The stress of everyday living becomes so much harder because you are always worried about making a mistake. And at some point when you decide to stand up for yourself and decide that this is no way to live then the punishments are more severe. Abusers always behave differently in front of certain people which makes it difficult for people to believe you. They always seem nice to others. The worst part of my abuser is that I have come to the conclusion that he as NPD aka Narcist personality disorder. I used to think he was bipolar but after much research NPD fits. NPDs lack true empathy and they are also theives. They still your joy your emotions your hopes and dreams , your future and even your words. And yes even your belongings as in my case. Most everything I own is in a storage room which was predicated on a lie that we would fix up our house and sell to move out in the country. Not even 4 days after I signed loan papers, he woke up that Saturday morning to tell me he was going to buy a boat. I asked with what and got no answer. I told him that is not we agreed on and that the loan was for the house and not a boat. He went 6 months before actually revealing that he did buy the boat. He has done so many things that I would never imagine him doing. I have caught him in lies and now that I know the person he really is I am now a discard and he is on to his next victim. But everyone thinks he is a great guy. Everyone thought Chris Watts was a great husband and father and in the end 4 innocent lives were gone. If he had not gotten caught there is no telling how many more victims would die at his hands. He has NPD. So take care in who you believe and with the world getting much worse it will be necessary for everyone to study Psychology just to interact with other humans. Animals are excluded, they are the only innocent creatures here on earth.

Leaving is not an option for many, as in my case finding and getting real help is a fantasy. I cannot tell you how many attorneys I have called and all the other numbers that lead to more numbers to where you are in a endless loop getting no where and no help. For me, pretty soon I will not even have a phone to call anyone. Yes another one of his punishments. I have been alienated from family and friends and that he did very much on purpose. I am at 90LBS as of two days ago because he no longer buys groceries for me only for himself which is very little because he buys take out for himself. I was working PT with a friend who picked me up because my car is very unreliable but she has been ill. I do work for my neighbor by taking care of her yard and other small jobs and because he felt guilty because I would not take money. After much thought and my husband did not buy food for mw or the cats, I asked her to pay it forward to my kitties in food ,which at that time I had 7. Six came to my back yard to seek refuge one kitty I already had and after loosing two cats from cancer. I'd like to think God brought them to me and not even one week after loosing my beloved cat Alice! Because of my generous and kind neighbor I am able to keep my kitties and I am so grateful for that. Right now my greatest heartache is that I now only have three cats and of course I worry about who will care for them in case I am no longer here. One of the cats, Baby Bear, who did not want to come inside like his brother Heathcliff died suddenly one day and 6 months later the mother, Mama bear just disappeared mysteriously. And not even 5 days ago Heaven passed away , who was diabetic but I don't think that killed her. A month ago my Crookytail disappeared . He was an indoor cat and very shy of people so I wonder what really happened. He got out once before but U found him in my garage and he was so scared that he peed on himself. I have overheard my husband saying how he was going to take them out in the country and drop them off. He appeared to be talking to the cats , because I was in another room. Whether or not he thought I could hear him, I don't know. I did and it is a horrible thing to say much less do. My three cats, Heathcliff, Keanu and Lil T are all I have now. They are going through the same thing I am. Animals are very aware of their caretakers feelings of stress and loss. They also grieve when they loose one of the members of their feline family. They are not eating like they should and when they look at me I see the sadness. My Heathcliff, which is a hugger, gives me hugs now more than ever because he knows I need them. If I could I would make t-shirts and bumper stickers that said "have you hugged your cat today" or "Has your kitty hugged you today" . The point here is that abuse not only effects humans but our pets too.

While this platform gives you a voice , it does not mean that the masses will hear you or even help. How can they when you are not on social media or have little to no family for support and I am not sure if my story will be good enough to Vocal. What I do know is that I am not alone and the worst part is that people do not care about others problems. The world is greedy and unjust. And Now women will be under great scrutiny because of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. And who in the world has that much video and audio to prove you are being abused? And another thing they both had their own money and they both had the opportunity to leave. In most cases their is financial abuse like in my case. They both had a team of lawyers while I wish I just had one attorney . All attorneys here want to get paid and more than they are really worth. The truth is if abused persons had the kind of legal offense that Amber and Johnny had maybe there would be justice for people like me. And in my case I want the judge to listen to everything, not just an overedited version of what I have gone through, That is generally what is presented in most all cases. How can anyone decide in justice and all fairness when so many key elements are not presented all because the attorneys and judges don't want to take the time to listen. There are 2 ways to get an attorney when you have no money and that is to commit a crime and the other is get in an accident. And both have little to do with abuse. Except for the committing of a crime and that's when a tragedy has most likely occurred. When that happens is when the people who would not listen or help say they wish they could have done something. It's a lie they tell themselves to ease their own guilt. So how can you help? By helping someone directly. Giving to charities or organizations where their cause is abuse only help a small percentage of the abused. There are many that are in it for the money. The tax deductions are the driving force of such donations. Many are oblivious but my eyes are wide open. If I had listen to my brain instead of my heart I would not be writing this. I believe God gave me one gift where I can see things that most people do not only in my current predicament my heart got in the way. Love can not only blind you but make you deaf. If anyone does like this story I will continue to write others. For now I will wait. And if you know someone is being abused please help them before it is too late.

By Pamela Maynard