Visiting My Little Girl Self
It's Never Too Late to have a Happy Childhood
One of the shrinks had a good suggestion. She said "Go back in time and visit yourself when you were a little girl. Tell yourself all the things you wanted an adult to say to you." Sounded like a good idea, so this is what transpired.
I walked into the bedroom that I called "my room" when I was 8 years old. It was a very pink room with pink lace curtains, a pink lace canopy bed with matching blanket. Little girl me was under the blankets surrounded by a dozen stuffed animals trying to get back to sleep. Little girl me peeked out from under the blanket and saw adult me standing in her doorway.
"What do you want?" little girl me said bravely.
"I'm not a monster and I'm not here to hurt you," I told her. "I'm you from the future."
"Why are you here?" she asked confused.
"I've been given an opportunity to tell myself some things that I thought I should hear," I explained as I walked further into my room and sat on the bed next to my little girl self.
My little girl self sat up, alert and listening carefully.
"I know how scared you are and how alone you feel. I know that you think nobody notices you or cares whether you live or die. I know you think that this lonely scary life is a waste of your time and since God is the only one who cares and listens, you feel like you are being punished for being here. You see how well I know us?"
Little girl me nodded and looked into my eyes wondering what we were supposed to do with these feelings and thoughts.
"You are smarter than you know. You are stronger than you show. You are more beautiful than anyone will ever tell you. You have more in your heart than any gift you will receive or desire. Whatever choice you make in life, you will have what you need inside of you to deal with the consequences. If the ones you love disappoint you, forgive them, but don't give up on your life. Remember that no matter how many times you feel like nothing or that you have nothing, love and joy are worth living for. If you have a bad day or a hard day, sleep it off and try again the next day. Alright?"
Little girl me took in all that I had said with an approving nod. Then little girl me gave me a hug, kissed me on the cheek, and snuggled back under the blanket with her stuffed animals.
I looked down at my little girl angelic face and saw just how beautiful I had always been and a tear rolled down my adult face knowing that at 8 years old I thought I was the ugliest girl in the world.
"Oh," I said to little girl me wanting to add a few more things before I left. "When you spill the grape juice on the white carpet, don't take it too hard. And when you stain the white fur coat with melted raisenets, remember it's a fake fur. And when you give up on the piano, don't beat yourself up too much. And when another person beats you up, remember that bruises fade away but evil ways are hard to cure. You don't have to save them. Just save yourself. I love you and I'm sorry that your life is so lonely and difficult."
Then I walked to my little girl closet and looked for the game called "Perfection". I found it on the floor near my white patent leather shoes and I picked it up.
"What are you doing with that?" little girl me asked slightly upset that I wanted to take the game with me.
"I know," I said to myself smiling, "We don't like when people take our things away from us. That's going to hurt us forever I'm sorry to tell you. I'm doing this for our benefit. You don't need this game and it's more hurtful than you realize at this time."
Little girl me frowned a bit, and I knew why. We cherish every gift and every possession and we simply have a hard time letting go of something until we decide we don't want it anymore. Little girl me still wanted the game of perfection, but adult me doesn't want any of me to play that stupid game.
I smiled lovingly at myself and went to give myself another kiss on the forehead.
"I know you know that I am you. I can see the understanding in your eyes. So just trust me on this one. You really don't need this game. Think of the joy you feel with your sled on the snow. You enjoy that much more than this game, right?"
Little girl me nodded with more understanding.
"You'll thank me later," I told her knowingly, "And remember, if you can't trust yourself, who can you trust?"
Little girl me smiled as if I was holding back a laugh.
"Never hold that laugh back whether you laugh like an angel or a hyena. Always let it out."
Little girl me nodded happily and I began to walk out of my room while little girl me closed her eyes again drifting off to sleep.
About the Creator
Shanon Angermeyer Norman
Gold, Published Poet at allpoetry.com since 2010. USF Grad, Class 2001.
Currently focusing here in VIVA and Challenges having been ECLECTIC in various communities. Upcoming explorations: ART, BOOK CLUB, FILTHY, PHOTOGRAPHY, and HORROR.
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Comments (1)
This is beautiful! PS - Hyenas are actually fascinating animals. Let the laughs be unleashed!