: Treading Water, the Invisibility of Suicide :

Suicide isn't wanting to die for some people. Suicide is wanting to live so desperately but not being able to stand another moment of pain & suffering that your life has become, scrambling through your mind for every positive you possibly can find daily to why you should try and push on yet another day.

These day's suicide is much more spoken about than what it used to be, (still a difficult topic to speak about amoungst the more older, especially European generations where it is looked upon very negatively even to speak about it as they are very set in thier ways).

Throughout recent years suicide prevention has been advertised on television and schools have education seminars; there are multiple charities that support and fund suicide prevention. It is now more freely spoken about in the medical industry amoungst patients with their General Practitioners, Psychologists & Psychiatrists also.

Yet there is still such alaming rates of suicide occuring.

"The most recent Australian data (ABS, Causes of Death, 2015) reports deaths due to suicide in 2015 at 3,027. This equates to more than eight deaths by suicide in Australia each day."

- Statistics: lifeline.org.au

That is approximately 65,300 suicide attempts each year!!

Why is there 65,300 suicides in Australia each year? The number of suicides we have in Australia, it is alarming considering we live in a country that people speak so highly of, just as they do America, because of our medical system and the opportunities Australia provides for individuals to live a better life.

We as individuals, doctors, friends, families even strangers have failed these people that are no longer here with us. We did not make the smallest of effort on our behalf which could have made the most substancial impact to one or more of these people and changed thier lives and no doubt in turn impacted by thier death also.

Many of these people, as I to have battled this past year of my life with the constant array of mental and emotional turmoil almost on a daily basis becuase of the circumstances that are out of my control, and one has no choice but to be invisble. To be alone, and not reach out to anyone, to keep to themselves, they must bear the burden of living with the thoughts of not wanting to suffer any more, daily, yet longing to live at the same time.

People assume suicide is an obsession with death & not wanting to live, a cry for help or attention. Maybe in some cases it is, but those that live with the invisibility of suicide I can assure you do not feel this way.

We have become aware of suicide as a society, but not the reasons to why one feels the need to commit suicide & why there is no other way, that this would be far more peaceful than what precious moments one could potentially make in thier own lives, to feel understood instead of judged and provided with a vision, hope, a path forward to make life bearable yet again.

Being open, honest & raw about your feeings when reaching out for help often gets misinterpretend by other's that don't understand what you are going through or if they haven't experienced a similar sitatuion for themselves. It is frightening, yet so calming knowing that you are ready to go, that's the scariest part - that there is a sense of peace and tranquility knowing that you do not have to continuously be tormented.

This needs to be understood. Not ridiculed, especially in the court system or anywhere this information is documented in regards to attmepted suicide or any discussion about sucidal ideation. This person could have had a horrible childhood, adolecent & early adutlhood, they could have experienced the most horrendous of sitautions, traumatic events. It is almost fair to say that they deserved to have break down, that would be what would be expected of the human brain & body that works functionally, such as I did in my mid twenties where I tried to commit suicide. One breakdown or suicide attempt should not impact or determine the rest of your life. Which it seemed to have a created a pathway to what my character was like, even though it was just the once then in my twenties.

People seem to associate more negative, wreckless, immature and irrational aspects when thinking or talking about suicide. People can be harsh, & make you feel even worse than your feeling, not understanding the slightest how you must be feeling & the things that were occuring in your life to end up at the point to do so in the first place.

Now, for the first time ever, I struggle almost daily because of the past year I have had to endure without my Son, unjustly & because of all the constant traumtic events I have had to endure that have lead me to where I am at this moment in time experienced in the past year that I can not put to rest & heal from as everything is still ongoing. I've been hospitalised, as I'm sure many others have, dealt with Doctors, Psychologists and Psychiatrists, misperceptions, misdiagnosis, misunderstanding, this then being reported and documented, again to impact me further, trauma after trauma impacting my life and my realtionship with my child whom is no longer with me, the trauma of that alone, almost destroys me on a daily basis.

It is hard even with the support services available to seek help, in the moments that are so difficult for you to deal with on your own. If you reach out for help, instead of it supporting you it is actually doing you more harm being recorded & noted for further mentioning in the future.

You can not go to the Mental Health Nurse at the Hospital. You can not tell your Psychologist or Psychiatrist. You can not tell your General Practitioner. You have to say that you are fine & cope on your own.

If you don't have many friends or a supportive family, you are left to battle it alone. Even if they are somewhat supportive, you still find yourself stuck.

To be un-stuck what people need is compassion, understanding and a flashlight.

It'd a downward spiral you fight to get back up, yet there is no clear path in doing so.

Your treading water each day, just to stay a float so you don't drown.

As Avril Lavinge sings in her song "I can't see in this stormy weather, I can't seem to keep it all together."

When one can't see a path, you become a flash light for them, you shed a light on the path or paths they are blinded to see (from the choas of that has become there world) but you can see for them.

When one cant walk down a path, you lift them, help them walk that path, until they are strong enough to walk it themselves again. This is why we go to Doctors, Psychiatrists, and Psychologists in the first place. This is why we turn to friends and family if we are lucky to have reliable friends and family.

It is fantastic that the world is promoting more awareness around suicide. There needs to be more understanding to why and what we can do to help these individuals when they can no longer fight for themselves.

They know how to self love. They know how to do small acts of mindfulness. They know how to push through, which ever way they have been to survive. They have hit a brick road and there is no tearing that road down on there own, there is no strength & no vision and this is what is needed.

A lit path, and an arm to hold onto until they can stand, yet again.

No longer tread water.

Have faith, that more awareness, knowledge and understanding regarding suicide will grow over the years and educate the generations yet to come.

If you are struggling & find there is no one you can turn to, you can contact the following organisations to offer your some emotional & mental support, hopefully also guide you on a sloghtly more visonanle path forward, one that was not even remotley seen before.

Lifeline 24 hour Advice Line Ph: 13 11 14

Life line is a national, free, anonymous 24/7 counselling service straffed and trained by voulnteers whom are a part of government funded grants, donations & corporate sponsorships.

Suicide Call Back Service Ph: 1300 659 467

This is a free Asutralian service run by Crisis Support, offers you 6 free sessions of 50 minute telephone councelling over six months to use when ever needed.