Through Thorns to the Inner Freedom

There are things people do not choose: mental health is one of these things. When I was 7, I wore a beautiful blue dress, sat on the windowsill, and pretended to be a princess closed in a high building, which a giant angry dragon protected. I was sitting and waiting for a prince who would come to save me from the tower. Over time I understood two essential things: the prince would not arrive (perhaps he had too many affairs and could not find time for saving a little girl in a blue dress, or there were too many other girls that did not need to be saved); the dragon existed in real life. Every person has their own dragons living inside them and limiting their freedom. Mental problems, inner fears and phobias, difficulties in social interaction, absence of belief in themselves, and low self-esteem – all these invisible dragons surround people's ideas and dreams and do not let them out in the fantastic world of possibilities.

With its breakneck pace and constant stress, modern life often causes insomnia, stress, and anxiety, which can contribute to the development of mental disorders and oppression of inner freedom. The pandemic only exacerbates the situation: the population worldwide gets new mental problems supported by fear for their health and the health of loved people, forced self-isolation, and the horrific statistics of the spread of the virus. To date, such mental disorders as depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, bipolar disorder, mania, and generalized anxiety disorder are more vital than ever; and about 20% of people worldwide have a mental illness.

I know my dragon by sight: several years ago, the psychotherapeutic gave my monster a long and difficult-pronouncing name, but I call it easier: a neurosis. I do not remember myself without it: sometimes, it seems it has always been. When I was 8, I thought that in my previous life, I had been a witch, able to ensure certain outcomes due to specific ritual actions. When I was 15, I understood that something was wrong with me. My neurosis exhausts me, complicates my interaction with people, makes me strive for perfectionism due to my fear of being seemed stupid, and forces me to suffer from anxiety. Sometimes, I think about whom I could be without this disorder and if I would feel freer.

It seems the concept of freedom is similar to the idea of happiness: everyone strives to get it, but none knows what it exactly is. What is freedom? Is it an opportunity to do what you want and be independent? Is it financial stability that allows people to travel around the world, buy things they wish, and make dreams fulfillment of which requires money come true? Is it a possibility to be true to yourself despite any external challenges? Perhaps, in fact, everything is much easier: freedom is the ability to lead a life we have always dreamed of and listen to the inner voice.

However, if we can defeat the inner dragons due to meditations, settings with psychologists, or antidepressants, external challenges can be much more difficult to overcome. I live in Ukraine: there is a war here, and the world usual for me from my childhood has stopped being stable and understandable. When it becomes difficult to make plans for a few days, it turns out that freedom is something more complex than inner independence: it is also confidence in tomorrow and a feeling of protection.

Thus, what is freedom? It is the ability to accept yourself as you are, live only according to your dreams, standards, and worldview, and look in tomorrow without fear.