They Say…. Not a Disability But Your ATTITUDE!

“Borrowed Time”

Taking into consideration the conditions of FND, bipolar disorder, and tarsal coalition—these invisible battles wrapped in visible struggles—life unfolds as a series of contrasts: difficulties and triumphs, joy and sorrow, love and loneliness. Feelings and emotions—they are powerful forces, and sensation is merely the body’s translation of experience.

But what I’ve learned is this: People rarely resonate with your pain unless they’ve walked through it themselves. Even then, understanding can be fleeting, and the cycle of ignorance repeats. I write from within the weight of negative thoughts—those shadows trying to cling to me—while fully aware of the relentless attacks the morning has already thrown my way.

It’s one thing to know you are alone in the world. It’s another to feel the isolation—an ache that stings deeper when you are someone’s child, someone’s parent. The clouds are pressing in thick and heavy, and I understand the craving to be gone. But gone doesn’t mean destroyed—it means transported. Shifted. Somewhere else. Somewhere softer. Somewhere the heart can exhale without the weight of judgment.

To the young, vulnerable, and gullible heart—

Don’t let life tear you apart.

You and I are still here for a reason.

That flicker of hope in your heart, however faint,

Means there is still time—time for that one miracle,

Though the world may try to convince you that everything is nothing.

But I am grateful. Grateful that I made it into this day.

I will gather my strength—again.

I will stand—again.

No matter how the world judges, perceives, or labels me—

Rude. Insane. Crazy. Selfish. Ignorant.

They throw their feelings at me like stones,

And I absorb them—like a sponge.

But I will not let their words define my worth.

Now, solitude calls.

Maybe it’s time to answer.

Not in surrender, but in self-preservation.

Because some storms are best weathered alone,

And some healing only happens in silence.

I wander alone not because I fear the world—

But because, on this borrowed time,

I choose to guard my heart

Until it finds its own rhythm again.

When you love life with all that there is of you, even the slightest wrong tone, wrong words, lack of support for standing up for yourself. Its no wonder why some get to the point that they’d rather be hospitalised or elsewhere.

I hope the sunshine comes out soon and erases all negativity that passed through on this day. Days like these are literally processes of lessons to strengthen the being that you are.

I have been a strong believer that the afflictions one may experience is purely linked to a higher calling. And within that higher calling one must be free, open, strong, confident, light as a feather because they are carrying no stresses. But no distractions to disturb your path. It must be swift and easy as its meant to be. That experience is a journey of oneself you dont share those processing periods with others. Until you’ve passed it yourself.

So they say its not a disability but an ATTITUDE. Living with FND ( functional neurological disorder) and tarsal coalition which is a foot deformity alongside mental health. I tell you its definitely a mix of conditions which at times require too much medication most times to even be functional.

If I’ve been surrounded by negativity from insults mistreatment it goes straight to my heart. The moment the heart strings have been touched it sends very negative messages to my brain. Which at times means I begin to break down. It starts with the face spasming that I can’t call out and ask for help. I then cant move my torso or body as pain spreads sporadically all over like an ocean of pain paralysed. Until I go unconscious and when I do go it feels as if years pass by. That in itself feels like a death to me.

To be able to wake up from that and mentally try to subdue the pain. I cant help that i have a no tolerance for deceit betrays or to be used. But such is life we have to overcome the difficulties of life. These are my experiences yet you have others in countries with much much more dia situations in life. So above it all your able to recognise you know what im blessed regardless of my disabilities. One must to hold a strong mindset and resilience to get through each day.

So next time you see a person with a disability and especially when they let it known to you. It’s imperative to try to understand what ordeal a person goes through. We are all unique. In our own ways. Just because something may appear foreign and abnormal to you. Does not mean that is the case for a person that holds the disability thats their everyday.

So instead of taking things personally look at how you’re treating and supporting a person with their disability. Because when one loses the ability to advocate for themselves not necessarily due to lack of mental capacity but due to the inability to verbalise. Your the person their relying on to support them. I had the ambulance visit me this week because of an absence seizure and impact against my head. No one was able to speak for me by the time they arrived i had taken medication which left it impossible to speak coherently because the medication left me disoriented.

So I ask for those that are unaware of different disabilities to learn and make yourself aware so that you can be compassionate and treat them as a real human being because we are. Its through truth love and compassion that we can be supportive for one another.

Such injustices from misunderstanding of peoples disabilities leaves them at high risk of suicidal because society is rejecting them. Making them feel as if they don’t belong. But as much of the skills and greatness they hold they tend to hide away from society because sometimes the attention is unhealthy. People see you as entertainment when in hindsight you’re literally being yourself.

So should i have an attitude to the injustice and stigma? No Im simply being me, attitudes adjust with regards to how you treat a person.