They never gave me the recipe to cure that!

A few years ago, while she was in fifth grade, one of my children developed a severe case of anxiety. The nightmare that was COVID provided the perfect cocktail of fear, uncertainty, and isolation. Throw in a bit of bullying just to make things worse and you get the perfect recipe for teen anxiety and depression.

My daughter started getting panic attacks, big ones! One evening, driving back from a week-end out of town, we even ended up in the ER of the local hospital due to her experiencing severe chest pains. It turned out to be stress related but it still scared the daylights out of us.

Insomnia crept in just to make matters worse, to the point when she started “seeing things”. Her doctor ended up having to prescribe her something to help her sleep.

As you can imagine, her grades suffered. Her self-esteem all but disintegrated.

We sought help within the local and provincial health resources. It took a while - a long while.

The health system was already overloaded, but with COVID stretched it to the breaking point! It didn’t help that child and teen anxiety disorders skyrocketed during the pandemic, putting even greater strain on the system.

It took more than six agonizing months just to get help from a social worker. Another 8 to get help from a psychologist. Progress was slow and painful.

Group therapy, individual therapy, family therapy. You name it, we did it.

My daughter did make some progress, but we are far from being out of the woods. She is nowhere near the happy, vivacious daughter we had before all of this.

Mental health issues are insidious.

When your child has a cold, as a parent, you know what to do. You get some medication at the store, you whip up a batch of your mom’s famous chicken soup, and you let them sleep it off.

But what do you do when their mental health is affected? Where is the recipe for that?

Worse even is that mental health issues are also contagious. Because your child’s mental health issues will eventually affect your mental health as a parent.

The feeling of helplessness at not being able to cure your child. The anxiety of never knowing when, where, or why the next panic attack will hit and how bad it will be. The walking on eggshells for fear of triggering yet another attack. The uncertainty of trying to separate normal teen angst from legitimate mental health issues. All of these will slowly eat away at your own mental well-being.

So what are we supposed to do? I wish I knew. All I can do is share with you some of the things that I have learned, and am still learning, from going through this:

There is no magic pill. It will take time. Lots of time. It is a slow and at times painful process. It will require patience and resilience on your part and on your child’s part. Be prepared for when your child gets discouraged at the lack of progress.

Seek professional help. It is not always easy to access but keep trying. And when you get help for your child, consider getting some for yourself. You can’t help your child if you are yourself coming apart at the seams.

Do your research. There is a lot of information out there (sometimes too much). When you find something, do a spaghetti test. If it seems to stick, you keep it. If not, move on. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to mental health. There are also a lot of existing resources like children help lines. Use them.

Lean on your support system. Family, friends, colleagues who are experiencing something similar, etc. My former boss suggested supplements that helped her own children cope with anxiety and they seem to have helped mine also.

Don’t keep it a secret. Prejudice against mental health issues persists because it is too often kept hidden, like a dirty secret we are ashamed of. Prejudice disappears in the light of understanding and acceptance.

Brace Yourself. At their worst, your child might utter words that will chill you to the bone. Words that no parent ever wants to hear. The mere thought of them makes my eyes water so much I can no longer type. I think you know what I mean. If it happens, discuss it with your child and bring it up or have them bring it up with a professional.

Celebrate the small victories. When the fight is long, and because we tend to focus on the negative, it is easy to lose track of the progress you made. You need to celebrate the victories however small. Each small step forward is something to build on to keep you moving forward. It doesn’t matter if you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. Just keep moving towards it together.

Set goals. Nothing helps moving forward better. Set short term (mother-daughter shopping day), medium term (an upcoming movie) and long term (a trip abroad to a dream location) goals. It's less tempting to look backwards when you are so busy looking forward.

I have put together a list of products that might prove to be of help. Some we have tried ourselves, some have been suggested to us.

(In the spirit of full disclosure, many of the links are affiliate links, meaning that should you purchase the products using our links, we will get anywhere from a few pennies to a few dollars from the sale. Anything helps. After all, I have a family trip abroad to save up for…)

Products that will help you manage and improve your mental health!