The Veil Of Mental Health

As much as I wanted to explain personal experiences in the segment, it is also my intent to hopefully help someone that is unsure of their own well being. I have 40 plus years of hands on life experience that I am willing to share and open up about it. The years have gone by in a stale desensitized state for about 30 years. My descentisized state was of the mind with a constant barrage of medications. Hospitalization was the start of this haphazard medley of misunderstandings with mixed communications and perceptions of reality from what was expected from a youth in the 1980s. The type of youth that was raised by Christian parents, that never talked of Christianity or even life for that matter. My sibling is younger by 5 years so any actions by an older brother was watched, scrutinized and put in the memory for future recall, at least that is what I believe now. Marijuana was big, so was hash back in the 1980s in the city I lived. Until I found LSD. Yup, chemical shit, not to too mention mushrooms also. Shit went sideways for a long fucking time. Even to this day it can be hard to fathom why I'm still here after the countless adventures, and close calls even with the cops at the the time. Hindsight now is actually a reality check. The best way to provide context for all the above sentences would be, I did this and caused my delusional path.
The delusional path is also a good path from where I am today. What Iran is that mental health in the ,80s was bad, not as bad as even earlier as depicted in tv shows, but actually similar in the sense that you are always going to be looked upon as a person mental health afflictions. I accept it now because I can. I would like to clarify that even though this was started by my own hand, the help I received was not, and it was much more diabolical, dark and unforgiving. Adults involved in my best interest were not as one may have expected. Medications only, no talk therapy, do as I say and shut down my own personal voice and wishes for myself. I do remember talking with someone or even myself when shit went downhill. I was making delusional deals with myself. These deals are now traumas I'm dealing with almost daily. I honestly don't feel as bad as I had years back and maybe, maybe it's because I'm writing. My journals are a bloody mess of my own psychobabble and butchered poetry and fragmented documentations of my journey. This platform is where I experimented, with poetry and short stories. Not all was here, most is still iny logs. I will continue to write in psyche in hopes that someone may benefit from this. I by no means am encouraging or discouraging, just showing what comes to pen and paper. The help of today is better I feel, but also needs to improved upon greatly. I say this because age is something of a state of mind, not a course of treatment, and everyone's neurological structure is different because of their insurance to trauma, fight or flight and even rest and digest.
Please accept my apologies for broken sentence structures, punctuation and train of thought as I write this.
Be well. Talk to you soon.