The turmoil

I can hear the pitter patter of the rain falling against the asphalt, making its presence known. The dimly lit street reflecting its shine from the already made puddles. I try to sit up and feel a throbbing in my head “ow” I mutter to no one but the barn owl perched on the street light. I smell iron and I grab at my head; blood. Well I must have got into some trouble last night. I glance at my phone; 8 missed calls and 2 unread texts “great” I sigh. It’s of course my mother checking in on me. Since the passing of my sister I’ve been keeping to myself, I of course understand she lost a daughter but I lost my best friend. I was the last person she contacted before… well before the accident, I blame myself.

I pick myself up off the ground brush myself off and start walking towards my apartment. I glance in the reflection of the closed shop. My jet black hair soaked with rain water, my makeup smeared under my emerald green eyes, I don’t recognize myself. I don’t know the girl staring back at me. A buzzing from my phone brings me back to reality, I answer it knowing it’s my mom. “Hello” I answer knowing She will be able to hear my shaky voice that’s laced with regret. “Are you okay, scar?” I can hear the concern in her voice, I know she’s worried about losing me too. “Yeah sorry long night I must’ve fallen asleep”. “You left me a concerning voicemail last night” “I didn’t mean to worry you mom sorry i may have had one too many drinks with some friends” “Scar, it’s been almost a year since Juniper passed and I feel like I lost two daughters that night. You never come visit, you leave drunken voicemails at ungodly hours of the night. I’m worried about you” I can feel the knot starting in my throat, she’s disappointed in me. She lost the wrong daughter. “Scar I’m coming over in a couple of hours be ready” “k.” And with that SHES off the phone and off my back . Unbeknownst to me I have made it to my apartment, I jingle my keys and open my door. I make my way to my bed and flop down onto it. I don’t know how long I’ve been out but I hear my mothers voice. “Scarlet get up. Now.” Oh she’s angry. “What time is it ma?” I ask trying to rub the sleep out of my eyes. “It’s 7:30, get up” I muster the strength to get out of bed, my heads pounding no doubt due to last night. “Listen I have some plans for us today so I need you to get ready and make yourself look presentable.” “Fine” about thirty minutes later I have washed my hair and face, made myself look presentable, we head out and get in the car and drive for what feels like hours. I must have dozed off because I hear my mother say “we’re here let’s go” I get out of the car and see a sign that says “substance and drug abuse rehab”

Great. “I’m not going to rehab I’m fine mom” “just come on I have someone I’d like you to meet” we walk into the building it smells like a doctors office, I cringe. She must think I really need help. I see a girl sitting in a chair away from everyone, she looks about to be my age 20 maybe a little younger. She reminds me of my sister. Her blonde hair cascading around her shoulders. “Scar, I’d like you to meet autumn. Autumn this is my daughter Scarlett. “ I hear a quiet voice whisper a hello and then my mom is gone. “I don’t really know why my mom brought me here it’s not like I have a problem” I sheepishly say in passing. “Sit down.” Her voice is cold. It feels like hours pass by as I’m engrossed in the story of how autumn ended up here how she was just like me and it took someone pointing out she had an issue before she finally accepted the help. I can feel the tears running down my cheeks as she explains she got behind the wheel and how she is so lucky she got stopped before the car even got started. She ends her story and I hug her because honestly I know I need the hug more than her” we tell our goodbyes and I head towards my mother tears still streaming. “I need help mom” and with that my mother hugs me and I can feel her body shake as she cries. Sometimes I realize it’s okay to ask for help.