The Disgust Narcissists Feel Toward True Intimacy and Tenderness

Intimacy, and a lack of appreciation for tenderness, intimacy, and other people.

So here you have a person who is extremely entitled. They are entitled to all that they desire, simply because they desire it. They are also entitled to be seen as a person other than who they actually are.

What happens during intimacy?

We see incongruity in a person, often hidden in superficial relationships.

A narcissist is entitled to be seen as however they want, seeing who they are behind the mask invites rage and devaluation.

We have needs and vulnerabilities that become exposed.

A narcissist is disgusted by any perceived vulnerability in themselves (makes them feel like a loser) and actual vulnerability in others. Vulnerability does not trigger care, but contempt. They believe might makes right, and vulnerability should be punished. (However, they will use the mask of vulnerability to heartlessly exploit others.)

We are asked to do things that are not witnessed by the public.

If a narcissist isn’t continually rewarded by seemingly prosocial behaviors, they don’t see the point in doing them. They don’t feel cuddly emotions when doing for others, instead, they only enjoy feeling dominant over others, in control over others, and the implication that they are greater than others. So without continual recognition, and appreciation, they are dissatisfied unless they are dominating. Also, if while giving and not being recognized, they actually privately benefit someone, they feel angry like they’re being cheated. They only act kind to be seen as such and rewarded for it. This includes giving soup to a grouchy sick loved one. They can’t tolerate not being elevated above others for every single action. With intimacy, we do many acts of kindness to benefit others that normally go unappreciated and unacknowledged. A narcissist hates doing this. But it’s often a regular part of intimacy and actually caring about the wellbeing of others. Especially with kids and loved ones who are sick. There are normally some thankless jobs that come with being human and actually caring. A narcissist will always fail at those.

So this is not a person that feels privileged to enter your inner circle. They are entitled to be there. They instead feel disgusted by your vulnerability, the feel revolted by satisfying needs and benefitting people unless they are being exalted for doing so. They feel insulted and outraged if you perceive any flaw or vulnerability in them.

In other words:

They are triggered to attack (devalue) due to proximity.

Where normal folk my feel honored to be close to you, the narcissist feels deserved it. Where normal folk might tread carefully, such as your tender vulnerabilities, they’re disgusted and feel triggered to take advantage. Where normal folk might feel dutiful, they feel extreme resentment and hatred.

No honor, no tenderness, no duty. And finally, they have absolutely no humility, instead, they are entitled to be seen as someone greater than who they are. Intimacy humbles us because our loved ones see us when we are our most imperfect. The people closest to us know our flaws and love us anyway. However, knowing the flaws of a narcissist will cause them to attack you because they don’t pity flaws, they attack them, it’s an outrageous insult to a narcissist to see a narcissists’ weakness. And they hate you for yours.

They don’t appreciate other people or intimacy. They are disgusted by others and when they gain anything, its through exploitation. So they don’t appreciate what they exploit. They don’t appreciate close or tender relationships. They demand dominance and exclusion.

They are better than. And if you get close to them, they will force you to see that they are also better than you.