Narcissists and the False Narrative of ‘Allowing’ Abuse

Because it’s not possible to allow yourself to be a victim. This is victim-blaming 101.

It takes the responsibility off of the perpetrator and suggests that the victim just isn’t “enough”. A million vulnerable weak elderly folk could wander around leaving their wallets out, and I wouldn’t rob them. If I rob them, then I’m a victimizer. Period.

Here’s an easy introduction to the narc world view.

If you got hurt, you weren’t enough. You essentially deserved it.

They think this way because they are self-important, and others are not important.

So, when they commit an offense, it couldn’t be their wrongdoing, they are important. It was the fault of the other. Also, if they see something good, they ought to have it, so if they take it from you, you just weren’t good enough to keep it.

They rationalize everything from the perspective that they are blameless, yet deserving of praise and every good thing.

When a person writes something like, “people, stop allowing and you’ll stop getting hurt,” they are expressing a very antisocial perspective. The sentiment is from either a narcissist, or another with an exploitative pathology, or is someone who has been duped into thinking in an irresponsible way. It is very irresponsible to think and promote the concept that the villain is not responsible for the crime, the victim is- through “allowing”.

If we live in a world where if someone takes something from you, then it’s your fault for not being different, (including more perceptive, less allowing) a world where the strong can’t be blamed for harming the weak, this is lawlessness and chaos. When abusers are instead protected by ideas such as, if you were somehow different you wouldn’t be victimized; you’re creating a horrible reality.

The truth is, if the abuser was different, then their target would not be victimized by them.

An endless amount of old wealthy vulnerable people could leave their wallets around me and I wouldn’t rob them. So many other people can be vulnerable, and if no one takes advantage of them, they wouldn’t be taken advantage of. Saying just be better and the problem would be solved is very irresponsible and lets the villain off the hook.

It’s also false.

Many children are abused by narcissistic parents. They have no choice. Most people who “do not allow” a narcissist’s behavior end up being attacked by the narcissist. Narcissists interact within all parts of society, and we cannot avoid them, therefore we cannot avoid their pathological anger or entitlement. They are never going to be miserable alone unless they become hermits. Or they get arrested and get put into solitary confinement. (also, who says they must be miserable? They may not be.)

The idea that you can “just don’t date a narcissist, problem solved” ignores the fact that narcissists act like regular folk most of the time, and they are the only ones who can control their behavior. We can only react to them once they’ve behaved in a harmful way. Unless we become hermits ourselves, there is no way to prevent interacting with entitled people who have pathological patterns of behavior. The best bet we defense we have is to not “move on” but instead discuss it, enlighten ourselves and others.

The best bet is to reinforce the anti-narcissistic perspective that no one forces someone else to victimize them. No one earns victimization. People are responsible for their own exploitative behavior.