The Dark Agenda Behind Narcissistic Lovebombing and Abuse

When you have no trouble with them, they will start trouble with you

When you are mild towards them, they will push your buttons to bring out the aggression in you

When you lose it and get aggressive towards them, they will pull out their victimization and guilt-trip you about being such a bully towards such a poor, defenceless creature, and you will regret the uncharacteristically confrontational and aggressive things they caused you to do, but unless you learn to always attribute it to their button pushing and crazymaking, you will never figure yourself out of their Daytona loop of being antagonized by them, ultimately losing it and snapping at them, then feeling guilty for it, then getting antagonized again later, losing it and snapping, feeling guilty again, etc. like a racing car going round and round the track, wearing out both tyres and bitumen, and your own adrenals

So you cannot remain at peace and be peaceful towards them

And you cannot be mild towards them

And they will do everything to make you snap at them, and now they caused you to feel guilty for being such an ogre

And then when you have trouble with them (rebukes, fights, sorting out things), they will do some version of avoidance, disengagement, running away, discarding, disregarding (e.g. ‘You know what, I don’t even care about this anymore’), they discard the hardest just as you are about to win or make a point (narcissists love to start fights to run away from when it gets serious, only to restart fights when the opponent cools down, and then scapegoat the opponent to the audience by convincing the audience that the narcissist is a victim and the scapegoat is aggressive and violent)

And then they will say the most antagonistic thing possible to rewrite history (e.g. if you had spoken to me nicely at the start, I wouldn’t have lost control of my emotions, when it was them doing the button pushing all along, and you just lost it finally after one too many button pushes, and your ‘not nice speaking’ was just what an angry person who has finally had enough should sound like — they always seek to turn your moral outrage against you through their ‘white as snow’ faultless blamelessness and attributing all aggression to you when it was them who was the only aggressive one)

After they have safely run away, and you have safely cooled down, they will do something new to antagonize you all over again

They like to cause micro-offence, things that are so micro they they are meant to fly under the radar,

like leaving positive comments but deliberately not upvoting

normally never leaving any feedback on Ebay, except negative ones when they got disappointed with the widget (proving that they understand how the feedback system works, and weaponizing it)

deliberately not changing the toilet roll (even this gets weaponized)

deliberately spilling sauce on you through weaponized clumsiness

pranks which are not really pranks but are actually just outlets for sadism

deliberately saying backhanded or double entendre things that ever so subtly attack your character and malign you for things that are not true, and then feigning hurt when you rebuke them for their subtle abuse

cooing their concern for you or your health, except that it’s a projection and a lie, and hence not a concern, just pure crazymaking (e.g. your hair looks so dry, you better get checked by the doctor, I think you might have cancer) (e.g. giving you ‘helpful’ advice on how to leave your narcissist properly so that you do not get assaulted or endangered when you have told them nothing, so they knew nothing about you or your situation, so they could only arrive at their paradigm through narcissistic projection and dishonest reframing in the face of missing evidence — they have no idea whether of anything about you, they presumed everything, erased you, and imposed their projected ‘concern’ on you to make themselves appear caring and compassionate, no different to telling you that you have cancer over hair)

you are at church, you are privately crying tears of joy from some private epiphany, a stranger middle aged lady behind you who knew nothing about you tells you unhelpfully ‘I know it’s hard to live with your shameful sins, but you’ll get used to it’. What!? (Beware, some Christians are wolves in sheep’s clothing, malignant narcissists go to church too, some appear highly devout) (20 years, 700 victims: Southern Baptist sexual abuse spreads as leaders resist reforms)

when you are talking, they micro-switch off, looking away most of the time instead of making eye contact, not replying when it’s time to respond (creating weaponized silence), always making sure they are looking away distractedly and stay looking away the entire time when you are visually demonstrating something (what!?)

you are talking, they interrupt you subtly by talking over you, you refuse to yield and continue talking over them, they then accuse you of interrupting them (what!?), they accuse you of being rude, then they keep running on that track, accusing you of worse and worse things just from how it all started with them talking over you

you are talking, you pause briefly (0.5 seconds) because there is a comma in your sentence, they immediately cut in so that you couldn’t complete your sentence (and it is always deliberate because they always cut in before you could make your point), then when you accuse them of interrupting and derailing you, they innocently protest, ‘but I thought you had finished’. You decide whether a sentence like the one in brackets was finished or not when the narcissist weaponized interrupts (e.g. ‘So, I got in the office,’ <narcissist interrupts and deliberately drones on, weaponize replies to offices theme while preventing you from completing your sentence and mentioning your point, which was that you discovered that somebody had stolen your things>) (the conversation is ruined by the narcissist’s games) (years upon years of mostly ruined conversations)

you finished talking, you wait for their reply, 5 minutes goes by, they weaponized withhold any replies or responses from you, you finally lose your patience and tell them that you’ve finished, why aren’t they replying? The narcissist rebuts with, ‘But I thought you were just pausing, I was waiting for you to continue’. You decide whether a sentence like the one in brackets was finished or not when the narcissist ‘still thought you hadn’t finished yet’ (e.g. ‘So everybody got back safely, no one was hurt.’ <narcissist pretends to listen hard in silence for the next 5 minutes or 25 minutes as you wait for their response which you will never get, the whole room stays very quiet for 5–25 minutes until the button pushing causes you to confront the narcissist) (the conversation is ruined by the narcissist’s games) (years upon years of mostly ruined conversations)

They invert truth and falsehood, right and wrong, good and bad, and you are always on the side of false, wrong, and bad, especially after you rebuke them for a wrongdoing that happened 5 seconds ago

they weaponize their ‘good deeds’ done for strangers or for you, using them as license to abuse you AND THEN feel ok about themselves (weaponized good deeds)

they weaponize their ‘good intentions’, whenever you rebuke them, they will keep flinging their ‘I was only trying to help’, ‘I was only doing it for your own good’, screaming it at you over and over again as a form of gaslighting abuse to prevent you from talking so that you can’t communicate that nasty thing they just did (weaponized good intentions)

they will malign you, then treat you as if all their maligned projections were true about you, and then force you to believe the same about yourself, it’s no different to some form of psycho brainwashing terrorist camp in some science fiction thriller movie (or Marathon Man?)

if your sibling finds fault with you, then says something vile and nasty (e.g. I want to stick this knife up her nose to make her bleed), and your parents find out, somehow it will lead to you being forced to apologize to him for causing him to say something like that because otherwise he would never say something like that (‘you must have done something really bad to make your brother so angry at you, I don’t care what you did, I don’t want to listen to your explanations or excuses, go apologize to your brother now)

you try to function from truth and evidence, they casually discard all of yours, they only function from lies, falsehood, and fabrication, and they force those down your throat, forcing you to honor their filth. In the course of an argument, they constantly try to trade and barter their lies and fabrication in exchange for each of your truth and evidence. You cannot win against a narcissist through truth and evidence, you’ll run out of both long before they run out of lies, falsehood, and fabrication. So to win, you’ll have to sink to their level and resort too to lies, falsehood, and fabriation (i.e. unfairness, crazymaking), and if they could make you do that, they’ve morally ruined you. That’s why the only two ways to deal with narcissists are grey rock (discard, distrust, disbelieve everything of theirs) and no contact.

by punishing you for the times when you spoke the truth, demonstrated faith in them, had empathy for them, or gave them love or compassion (usually through shocking betrayal followed by weaponized innocence), they train you to regret all your good deeds and expressions of spiritual qualities, if you are not strong enough to resist their gravity, you might become convinced that ‘no good deed goes unpunished’, which would be a tragic thing to believe

They seek to turn everyone against you, so that you will feel that the whole world is against you, now you don’t have any more reason to behave because no one cares anymore, so you have obtained license to be as bad as possible, because the narcissist worked hard to tailor the whole world to turn on you and for you to turn out like that

They make you lose faith in humanity by convincing you that every single individual person is just like them

They will constantly seek to brainwash you to believe that everything you did was bad, everything you intended was bad, everything of yours had bad agendas, everyone hates you, everyone disapproves of you, all the neighbours know it, all your friends know it, all your whatever hinterland audience knows it. This is not incidental, they are trying to brainwash you to believe you are bad, through Inception-like (the movie) insertions of false beliefs and false evidence and false memes and false images of you to psychologically force you to transform into a bad person. Having a narcissist in your life doing that to you isn’t very different to the barrage of crippling negative suggestions schizophrenics or demon possessed people struggle against daily.

They will constantly seek to brainwash you to believe that everything they did was good, everything they intended was good, everything of theirs had no agendas, everyone loves them, everyone approves of them, etc. AND MEANWHILE YOU KEEP SEEING THEM DO NASTY THINGS TO YOU (what!?)

Ultimately, the narcissist is morally disordered, morally insane, meaning they hate good and love evil, BUT that’s not really my point, what’s really my point is that they try to drive you morally insane too, they want you too to hate good and love evil, all the things they do to you ultimately have that singular effect, that singular goal

They say narcissists want to break you. They want to destroy you. They want to ruin you.

But what is it of yours that they are truly trying to ruin?

Body, finances, family, life, happiness, these are all incidental.

The one thing narcissists truly want is to ruin you morally. Through driving you morally insane with their behavior.

Notice, narcissistic love bombing, abuse, discard, hoovering, etc. all have the common theme of goading you towards making the bad moral choices.

Suffer no more confusion over flying monkeys.

Anyone who can withstand prolonged periods in the company of a narcissist and still remain supportive has already made their choice morally.

Flying monkeys normalize narcissists.

Flying monkeys are the trojan horses of narcissists, they are the gap in the perimeter that narcissists stream through into our lives.

The partnership of narcissist and flying monkeys aims to normalize narcissism in your life and in society until it becomes the new normal. When that happens, the entire society will resemble a dysfunctional family.

Then, like a dysfunctional family, no one would be able to perceive dysfunction anymore.