recovery
Your illness does not define you. It's your resolve to recover that does.
What's NAMI?
I'm sure you've probably heard about AA - Alcoholics Anonymous. Maybe you've heard of NA - Narcotics Anonymous, too. Those are the two places that doctors and SAMHSA - The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration - regularly recommend patients they suspect of having drug or alcohol problems turn to for over fifty something years... But what if AA and/or NA FAIL to EFFECTIVELY help a patient quit drinking or abusing dangerous narcotics? In my life, I've been to AA and NA. AA DID help me stop drinking when I was much younger, for a short period of time. One well known phrase in AA is to, "Keep Coming Back!" It's good, solid advice for SOME alcoholics. Isolation and loneliness are only two of the MANY complicated reasons why SOME alcoholics drink themselves to death. So, AA uses this phrase to encourage their participants to stay engaged with THEIR program. Another common AA adage tossed around AA meetings - along with the cigarette ashes and coffee cans - is, "It Works If You Work It!" In my desperate bid to REALLY "work" the well known twelve-step program, I would ALSO attend NA meetings if AA meetings weren't available. AA and NA are like cousins. In fact, the two programs are identically modeled after one another, with just a few word substitutions. AA spawned NA. Without going into TOO much detail, attending those NA meetings ultimately lead to a terrible Heroin addiction. I haven't used Heroin or any of the other well-known "dangerous" street drugs I have in the past for quite some time. My drinking is currently under control after a long and arduous battle with my "inner demons". How did I accomplish what most doctors say is IMPOSSIBLE with "alcoholics" that DON'T attend AA or "drug addicts" that DON'T attend NA? The most simple explanation for that question is that I was LUCKY enough to have an EXCELLENT, patient, kind, and DISCERNING psychiatrist - one who also ardently supports NAMI - along with my family support system, of course. The funny thing is, I quit drinking when I became addicted to Heroin. This isn't rocket science or math. All my "funds" went towards trying to get more Heroin, instead of booze. With the help of my doctor, family, and friends, I got off the Heroin, was already off the other "dangerous" street drugs, and eventually moved out of my childhood basement. There was plenty of booze around at the new place I moved into. However, my anxiety issues still plagued my soul. "Well, I'm in a new town, on my own, with time on my hands... What can I do besides clean the house, make music/art, and tend to my new boyfriend?" I still care about that NOW ex-boyfriend and his family. Deeply. I was introduced to many wonderful people back then. Some of whom I still talk to to this day... However, I wanted my OWN identity. My OWN friends. My OWN job, life and resources. One day, as I was sitting on the couch - staring out the window - drink in hand, reflecting on ALL THOSE inpatient psychiatric stays... I thought something along the lines of, "Heroin withdrawal IS different than alcohol withdrawal. Alcohol withdrawal CAN and DOES kill people... typically from WITHDRAWAL SEIZURES". Alcoholism killed my mother when I was only twenty-four years old. AA FAILED her. Three rehab stints FAILED her. Impatient doctors that IGNORED her untreated ANXIETY, DEPRESSION and ISOLATION from HER friends and family FAILED her. "Why?" To be fair, she didn't "keep going back" to those AA meetings. I'd recommend any person concerned about their or a loved one's excessive ETOH consumption attend AA with an open mind. If it works for THEM, then by all means, keep going back! My mother, however, was a very "private" person. "Heroin addiction just makes you WANT to die," I recall. At the time, withdrawal from opioids alone DID not have the same lethal WITHDRAWAL consequences alcoholism CAN and DOES have. This is due mainly to the fact that there ARE opioid receptors NATURALLY in your brain. Though, overdose from opioids CAN and DOES kill just as MANY "drunks" to this day, my mind leapt to NAMI first - The National Alliance on Mental Illness - a 501-C3 non-profit, grassroots organization dedicated to advocating for the mentally ill all across the United States. This is where things get "contentious" as one of my older friends called me. Though there are MANY other FREE resources to turn to, besides AA and NA - or any other spin-off twelve-step programs - like Gambler's Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous... the list goes on... there ARE other free resources like "Hope4TheDay", "The Trevor Project", "The Crisis Textline", "Warm-Lines" you can call - all of which I found out about via NAMI.YOU have to access them, though. YOU have to recognize where YOU or a loved one ARE in THEIR "recovery" from mental illness. More important, the STATE you happen to live in, needs to recognize the VALUE of investing funds into non-profit organizations to give FORMER addicts, like myself, a FAIR chance to recover. Mental Illness is a real and RELAPSING illness that NO ONE wants to talk about. Don't EVER lose hope though. The good news is, is that there ARE those alternatives to NA and AA. For example, the DBSA - or Depression-Bipolar Support Alliance. This is where things get "contentious" as I mentioned before...The DBSA is funded by Medicare and Medicaid. I've attended NAMI meetings and DBSA meetings - both in-person and via the internet. NAMI was FAR more accommodating and thorough, in my personal experience. While my THEN local DBSA meeting was effective, this was due to the fact they had a COHESIVE group of individuals that REGULARLY met, face-to-face, to discuss their struggles, privately. When COVID-19 hit, however, and I was ALL ALONE, I turned to who I trusted the most - NAMI. The main reason I call this matter "contentious" is due to the State which saw the value in investing tax money into more than just... making more money. NAMI offers highly informative classes for families dealing with mental illness, job training and support classes for those struggling with mental illness, places to go to NOT ISOLATE, phone lines you can call, and groups for the mentally ill, and their loved ones, and is WELCOMING of ALL people with ANY experience living with, or loving someone with, a mental health disorder - regardless of where they are in THEIR recovery. The dogma of twelve-step programs, that DEMAND you reveal EVERYTHING to SOMEONE with mental health issues to someone they DON'T really know well, and DEMAND to subscribe to a "Higher-Power" is a BIG turn off for SOME people struggling with mental health issues that DON'T feel like sharing EVERYTHING with EVERYONE, like my mother. Now, the choice is in YOUR hands. Are you going to sit back and let yourself DIE because everyone "failed" you? Or are you going to access the VAST majority of resources available by simply going online and finding out for yourself - and more important - SHOWING UP to these free resources? All of which I found out via NAMI. The "sad" thing about my current situation is that there ARE no "local" NAMI organizations I CAN access anymore. I can still be an advocate for NAMI, though. And I always will be. That's just MY opinion. I'd like to thank GOOGLE, MICROSOFT, HP, VOCAL.MEDIA, my family, friends, doctors, NAMI, the DBSA, AA, NA, SAMSHA, The Trevor Project, The Crisis Textline, and EVERY volunteer and influence I've ever been BLESSED enough to have had contact with - and whomever else I missed while trying to get by WITHOUT a local NAMI chapter to visit - for helping me get to the point where... I'M STILL ALIVE AND HAVE HOPE. I HAVEN'T DIED YET. I'M OVER THE DRUGS. I'M OVER THE LABELS. I'M OVER THE DISCRIMINATION... I just want a job now, and to get on with my life... That's what MY mother would WANT. For me AND my older sibling. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. EVERYONE. [Olivia Petrus].
By Unlisted&Twisted!4 years ago in Psyche
I Partied Like it was 1999...until I Couldn't. Third Place in Coming of Age Challenge. Top Story - September 2021.
Some of what I’m about to share is not my memory, but what has been pieced together with what I’ve been told by those who were there; I don’t actually remember some of it.
By Jess Boyes4 years ago in Psyche
Why I'm Starting this Blog
Principles are how we know that we have not been made by circumstance; that we are who we are by choice. After writing and deleting too many introductions for this article, I’m simply going to be straightforward. I am finally recovering from years of depression. Since depression almost killed me (or rather made me want to kill myself), I decided blog about it; in fact, starting this blog was one of the things I decided, during my depression, to do if I managed to survive it. This article will briefly cover my depression and how my purpose for this blog has evolved over time. So, how did I become depressed?
By Hinata Shoyo4 years ago in Psyche
The Demon That Hunts During The Day
Statistics are just numbers right. How about this statistic - suicide is the biggest killer of young Australians, a bigger killer than car accidents (Australian Bureau of Statistics 2014). Statistics are always just a number until that number impacts you and your family. I was lucky not to become just another figure on the page, the sad reality is that there are other women and men out there that will. Some call it the noonday demon, the black dog, the fog, or a hole in the script. I have been hounded by the demon, stalked by the dog, and have fallen into the deepest hole possible in my life. Only now can I see the light, only now I can see that despite being lonely, we are never alone in that battle, we all have our own demons which should be fought arm in arm with our neighbour. This is my story, my battle.
By Anna Kerst4 years ago in Psyche
Mirroring Wilderness
After many tests, trials, assessments, a conclusion has been drawn. For your lack of self-love you have been deemed a lost cause impossible to love. Whether you were loved or not is of no consequence when what is found at the bottom line is that if you do not love you, how can anyone else? You are the fool. The chagrin of your fellow denizens. How you chose to live your life spoke louder volumes than your tongue ever could. One last ditched effort of embellishment is that you weren’t fully cognizant of your disposition. There it is again. But I digress.
By Arthur Essay4 years ago in Psyche
My little crab hand
My mama used to tell me I'm like a pink tree in a green forest. "People will stare because it's different. They will also stare because it's magnificent." As she'd hold me in her arms, I'd try to let her sweet touch and comforting words reassure my aching being. My mama tried very hard to make me understand that there is nothing wrong with me. Even more so, that being different is beautiful. Although I couldn't help but agonize in wondering why. Why? Why me? Flawed, shameful, ugly, faulty... I got the notion inside my head that, somehow, I was defective and needed to hide my hand.
By Katherine Emma4 years ago in Psyche
The Decisions We Make
Life is full of moments that change everything. Imagine if you will staring into a mirror, then smashing it with a hammer. You can try to piece it back together, but it's forever altered. Sometimes those moments are massive like a house fire. Other times they are so small and seemingly insignificant you might have missed it. Have you ever taken a moment to look back on your life and thought about the changes and challenges you have overcome? Allow me a bit of your time to tell you a few instances in my life that have shattered proverbial mirrors in my life that have changed everything. However, I feel the need to inform you, the reader, that this does deal with sexual abuse and a suicide attempt.
By Tiggerish Eeyore (Aaron Wood)4 years ago in Psyche
Death Shaped My Life For The Better
My coming-of-age story was just a prelude to the rest of my life. Painful experiences and what to do with them was the greatest lesson that thrust me into adulthood. It started the summer of my 17th birthday. I was a junior in high school and my cousin ended her own life. It sparked something in me that was fighting to be seen and heard. I too had wanted to kill myself at the age of 16. When I told my mother that she cried, and she couldn’t understand why I wanted to die. Honestly back then neither could I but I didn’t know how to live.
By Matthew Mccahey4 years ago in Psyche
I'm just looking for the way out.
A week or so ago I was sitting outside in my yard in a quiet meditation. Feeling the cold grass on my thighs and hands, the breeze cutting through the stifling heat is just so nice.. ya'll know it's been hot this summer. I've been meditating on how to grow spiritually for months now. Thinking about how my Atheist upbringing, Christian late teens and 20s, Buddhist research and practice, and all the drugs in between; How none of them filled me. Nothing so far made me feel free, happy, whole. My husband is amazing, my son is just perfect, and our cats are my loves. I thought having my own world put together and functioning after coming out of addiction would free me. I thought being sober would free me. I thought I had a higher power that was freeing me through these painful transformative life events. So why do I feel alone? And the universe answered.
By Amaya DreamDriven4 years ago in Psyche
