Sugar and Spice

Is she looking at me? Quick, look away, don’t stare; they’ll think you’re weird.

The trees look pretty; the flowers have blossomed. It's a little busier than expected, but that’s good for business.

Is she...? Yep, still looking.

Jeez, this is awkward. Just smile back, don’t be mean. No – not like that. Now you look like a creep. Her parents are scolding her. Well done, jackass.

Busy yourself, you don’t want anyone thinking you’re a problem... The breeze is nice. This summer is certainly delivering. Perhaps I should move to the shade. Oh God, am I sweating? Great, that’ll help things.

Oh shit, she’s waving. Is she waving at me? Pretty sure she is. Wave back? No, don’t wave back. That’s definitely weird. Half smile and look away? What was that? Don’t smirk! What's wrong with you?

Great, she's getting her mum's attention. Now they’re all looking. Fuck me. Mum doesn’t look impressed at their conversation, at least Dad seems entertained.

Wait, you’re staring. Right at them too. Now Mum’s standing up. Fantastic, she's probably going to tear you a new one for looking at their kid, even though the little girl started it. Why do you have to stare? Can’t mind your own business for ten minutes, huh? Quickly, grab your guitar and start playing.

Hold on, the little girl's pointing at you. Perhaps you've got egg on your face, did you think of that?

Why's she picking up her plate and walking this way?

Wait, what's happening?

Perhaps I should have sat somewhere else. Bless her, she looks so determined. Mum looks pissed though. Maybe it’s best if I get up and move, let them enjoy their lunch in peace. It’s been a long morning, and I really don’t want to have to get up. My leg still hurts from last night's antics; I’m sure limping will solidify their pity.

Oh wait, here she comes. Look at her little walk, holding her plate with both hands, trying desperately not to drop her… cake? I wonder how young children are when they’re told about the homeless. She can’t be more than four, surely? Why would anyone feel the need to explain such a thing to someone so young? It spoils their innocence.

Is she definitely looking at me? She looks nervous. There are homeless people all along this street. Why's she chosen me? Here she comes. Yep, it's me she's looking at.

Quickly, do something; Don’t look intimidating. Smile or something... sit up straight? This is wild. Shit, okay. Look down at the floor, busy yourself.

I wonder if my guitar is still in tune, let’s check...

Oh man, small pink shoes. How awkward. What do I do? Better look up. Oh wait, Mum’s clearing her throat, absolutely should look up.

Damn, why is the sun so bright? Mum’s staring daggers at me, great. Stop grinning like an idiot and say something. Anything...

‘Hello.’ Bravo.

‘You want my cake? It’s yummy. You can have it.’

Okay, she’s adorable.

‘Thank you, little lady, but- ‘

‘She bought it with her own money. Her pocket money, which she’s been saving.’

Jesus, Mum sounds like I’ve ruined her day with my existence; how charming. I don’t think she’s realised. Should I tell her?

‘No, no. It’s okay. You eat it.’

Oh man, the little one looks deflated. Maybe I should have just said yes. Now I look like an asshole.

‘I’m not...'

‘We share.’ Oh shit, she’s sitting down. Fuuuuck. Look at Mum, take your lead from her. She’s rolling her eyes, but I don’t think she’s going to stop her.

‘Erm...’ too late, she’s sat.

‘It’s chocolit.’ Gosh, she’s cute.

‘Well, chocolate is my favourite.’

‘Told ya, Mummy. Everyone like chocolit.’

Did she just tut at me? Common’ mum, your kids trying to do a nice thing. Must get it from Dad because you’re certainly not the ray of sunshine she is.

Tut back. No, don’t do that. You’ll start something.

Pay attention, she’s trying to talk to you.

‘...and then we are going to the cinema to watch a big cartoon. Do you like cartoons?’

‘Sure, I do.’

‘What’s your favourite?’

‘I’m not sure he watches that much television, honey.’ Good grief. Does she talk like this to everyone, or just those less fortunate?

‘I like Sesame Street. Ya know, Big Bird.’ Oh my god, stop flapping your arms. At least she’s laughing. Oh, and here’s a piece of cake. Wow, those are some sticky fingers. Don’t just sit there, take the damn cake.

Oh man, why is it wet? Don’t think, just eat it... Damn, that’s sweet, no wonder she’s sharing.

‘Thank you. It's delicious.’

‘Welcome.’

I don’t think she could have more chocolate on her face if she wanted to. No, don’t wipe it on your dress. Oh dear, I’m sure that’ll cheer your mum up.

‘I like Cookie Monster.’ Yep, that’s cake she just spat at you. Don’t look, just wipe it off and smile.

‘Cookie Monster’s a hero. Who else could eat that many cookies and not get a giant, wobbly tummy?’

Oh man, her laugh’s contagious. How could you not be proud of her; she’s the sweetest.

‘More?’ She’s dropping chocolate crumbs over everything. Don’t let it show. It’ll wash.

‘I think you should eat it.’ She’s frowning. You can almost see those little cogs turning.

‘More!’ Oh crap, she’s crushing it into my hand. It’s like a wet cake ball. You’re smiling weirdly, I can tell. It looks pained and forced. Quickly, eat it.

Wow, that’s not graceful. Why did you eat it like that? You look crazy. It’s falling everywhere. Take your hand away from your face, you absolute mess of a person.

There’s chocolate on your face. Sod it, just smile at her.

Wow, open mouth smile with your mouth full. Classy. At least she’s laughing, and that’s a full-blown belly laugh. You might have saved yourself.

Passersby are smiling at us, too. I guess we look quite wholesome.

Oops, here comes dad. He’s huge; wipe your damn face. On what? Fuck it, sleeve it is.

‘Well, looks like you guys are having fun.’ He seems nice, at least.

‘Friend.’ Oh shucks, she’s pointing at me with a chocolaty little finger.

Wave don’t speak. The cake will fly everywhere. Swallow the damn thing.

‘I can see that. You alright? Nice day for it.’ He looks a little panicked but slightly amused.

Dad knows! If only Mum was more observant.

Pat on the back for managing to swallow.

‘Yeah, certainly is.’ Use your eyes to signal your embarrassment. Use them.

Mum’s scowling. She thinks I’m mad.

Dad’s eyes are wide, apologetic.

‘Come on, sweetie. We have to say goodbye now. We’ve got things to do.’

‘Ohhhhh. But Daddy.’

Should I say something? It’ll wipe that smirk off Mum's face. No. Don’t. Let the little one live in her adorable, ignorant bliss. Look at her, the epitome of innocence.

‘Gotta’ go now.’

‘That’s okay. You go enjoy your day. Thank you so much for the cake.’

‘No hungry anymore?’

‘Nope. All better. Thanks to you.’

Gosh, she could make butter melt.

'You go enjoy your film. Say high to the Cookie Monster for me.'

Oh shit, it’s a hug! Freeze. Don’t touch her. A little mean, but you might get more chocolate on her dress and judging the horrified look on Mum's face, she’s one more brown smear away from sending you the bill.

Dad’s smiling and reaching for her hand. Thank God, it's nearly over. How did you get yourself into such a mess? He’s mouthing silent apologies.

Give him the nod, the 'don’t worry about it' secret salute.

‘BUB BYE!’

‘Thank you for saving me!’

Shucks, she’s blowing a kiss. Do not blow one back.

Just smile and keep waving. They’re nearly gone. Nearly... almost... annnnd you’re alone.

Bloody hell. Go home, take a shower and change into some clean clothes for fucks’ sake.