STRESSORS

THE CHILDREN ARE ALIVE AND WELL, that one which called the move to relocate for his assistance is ALIVE and WELL. The needy diabetic is off the verge of excessive sugar and on to a balanced diet. The agonizing prostate cancer debilitation is over and past... he's gone to a better place. The lung infection and empathy felt for that sister, has gone on as well, and I won't be running to Milwaukee to rescue the children of the overnight party personality child of mine. Do I have time for life? No... registration for classes to finish a degree is choked off and I am no longer interested, the purpose is past... my empty nest situation is ended! That offer to go out on a date or two is put off because I need to "find my status in life." I need to figure out the limitations of my own health from accidents and injuries. It would be crazy to add someone to a wreckage of a life. My youngest is moving back home from college and bringing the girl he met there with him. They lost the baby but...

Years later it's not a daughter in law, not the other's children but their dogs I'm sitting at the house... first home I've ever managed to get... 'just to keep my kids near... and alive." The world is crazy and I may not see them ever again... besides, the injuries I sustained are death defyingly present but I am "holding up" doing well. I have prescriptions for military injury but was advised to reduce the issued prescriptions in order to handle the day to day challenges of events surrounding others. I forget my doctor's appointments. I forgot to get my bath the other day. My hair needs desperate attention and oh, all my underwear are ragged! The university has voided all records of my education. And I can not use my own credentials for unknown reasons.

I AM A WRECK, but I keep going because I feel better seeing a smile on the face of the bus driver or taxi driver person I gave BonBons to. I feel good about the solution to the national drought crisis at the border Southwestern being resolved by the simple introduction of a university-backed solution... at my expense. I feel better knowing that the alcoholic breakfast drinker is not detected to the point of his "loss of respect" ...I covered for the errors made or the shortcomings displayed in the lives of others... my beloveds. Funnier thing is that they do not react the same for me... classic description of relationships where codependents are involved... funniest thing? I forgot about that!

I am a CO DEPENDENT daughter/sister/mother/grandmother/ex-wife... widow. That said, how do I ever take a step toward repairing myself?

There are many resources for assisting the codependent family member with restoring their own life by rehabilitation and therapy. It sounds off-centered that the individual NOT TAKING A DRINK or NOT DEVIANT AT SEX or NOT DIPPING INTO DRUGS may be in need of REHABILITATION.

"Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs, or nicotine - and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity. They have good intentions. They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child, or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.

The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships." according to Mental Health America in their section on CODEPENDENCY.

While behaviors may seem wild and incoherent when the matter of a codependent is involved, rehabilitating them to a calmer state where concern for their own wellbeing takes center stage in their own life and time is the challenge for themselves and for their medical team or caregiver. Reconstituting ease at living life is the challenge.