Stop Projecting

I have been wanting to address this topic for the longest. Projection. It’s such a poisonous phenomenon in our society today. Projection can ruin a lot of friendships and relationships. I did not realize that most people were projecting onto me until I became a lot more socially aware.

People have often associated their own unwanted feelings, insecurities, and thoughts with me. I started to notice it when I became more self-aware of my own personality. Once I became more sure of who I was, I started to realize that peoples feelings towards me were their own insecurities that they had made up in their minds

What is Projection?

When someone is projecting, it is when they are uncomfortable with how they are feeling in that moment so they conjure up false accusations and statements that don’t align with who you are or the situation.

A common example of projection is when someone in a relationship accuses their partner of cheating, but their partner hasn’t given them any real reasons to feel that way. Most of the time these accusations are coming from a place of guilt because they are the ones who are actually doing the cheating.

A simpler way of saying this is that whatever unwanted feelings, or things that an individual does not like about themselves, they will usually project these feelings onto their partners or other close people in their lives.

How do you stop projecting?

To stop projecting, you have to be self-aware. Self-awareness is a skill in my personal opinion. It takes time to become self-aware because you have to do some soul-searching. You have to understand your traumas and insecurities. I also know that people have to accept who they are and take control of the things that they can control and let go of things that are not in their control. You can not get upset about things that are in your control.

Once you become more self-aware, then you can realize in the midst of conversation that when someone is speaking to you that what they have to say has nothing to do with you. For instance, if you struggle to be objective while listening to someone else, then you have some soul-searching to do.

I feel that when we were younger, it was much easier to listen to our peers without judgment. It was easier to put ourselves in other peoples shoes without letting our own unwanted feelings and traumas affect our thinking/judgment. So a lot of our judgment and feelings, when we are listening to others, come from a place of being subjective rather than objective.

This is why during conversation, some people may get offended by what others say, even though the conversation has nothing to do with them. That is projection.

And did you know, others still tend to project themselves onto others without someone having to say anything to them?

How are you practicing self awareness?

I try to practice awareness during conversations. I know I am human, and I know I have been through so many things that can trigger unwanted feelings and insecurities. While in conversation, I try to remember that this person is only speaking from a place of personal experience. It has nothing to do with me, so I try to take a step back if I feel triggered during the conversation that may remind me of something that I don’t like.

Once I take a moment to think, I realize that this has nothing to do with me and then I am able to proceed with the conversation in a more objective sense. This is how you are able to build more meaningful relationships when you are able to listen to others and provide feasible advice.

Actively listening to someone helps as well. Asking questions and trying to understand what this person is experiencing in their life, rather than listening to give a response that’s not authentic or projecting. Projection goes far into personal relationships that I feel like is a totally different topic that I could talk about in a different article. However, I wanted to share some brief thoughts on my opinion on this subject. Stay tuned for more.