So, What is a proud addict?

To me being a proud addict is something that gave my whole life a new perspective when it came to my recovery. Being proud of who you are and what you choose to be is something that I never really found when I was searching for new ways to deal with my addiction. Being told that this is something that I was going to have to deal with my entire life was something that I refused to take as a negative thing.

I attempted sobriety many times before with no success, going up to 3 months at a time before I would again relapse. I felt that recovery was hopeless and was devastated that I had to fight this the rest of my life. I thought to myself many times “Why can’t I just be a normal person? Why do I have to live such a hard life?”. It wasn’t until my fourth time trying recovery that my perspective would change, and I would start to see things in a new light. Right then and there I refused to see my life as a mistake. I refused to live a life of negativity and live in remorse of my addiction. I was given this illness, but I would not let it bring me down. It was time for me to choose nothing other than to believe in myself and be proud of who I am. Addiction is not a death sentence. Addiction is not something that labels you as a bad person. Addicts are some of the strongest people in the world and I know that we deserve that feeling.

What makes an addict strong is their honesty and ability to adapt to life-changing events that may make others crumble. For those of you who do not understand addiction and how it works, try this. Think and write down on a piece of paper what the most important things in your life are. These things are commonly your children, family, hobbies, etc. Now take that paper and rip it to shreds because those things are not good for you and you can’t be around them anymore. This is how an addict’s mind feels when they are told they can no longer use their drug of choice. This seems dramatic, but our brains are wired to make us feel that we cannot live without this drug and that it needs to be the first thing we focus on for the day.

This overwhelming urge powered by our brains is what makes us do things that a normal person wouldn’t. No child says they want to be an addict when they grow up and becoming an addict is nothing that is planned. No addict wants to ruin their lives, and unfortunately once we realize what our actions are doing, we are already so deep into our active addiction that it seems impossible to get out of. That’s why when someone chooses to get into recovery it really is truly remarkable. It is the stereotype that people with an addiction are bad people that are keeping addicts from choosing to be in recovery. If you think about it, why would you try and change your life if you are going to be looked down upon even if you have a large amount of time in recovery? This is exactly why I chose to change my perspective for my recovery and my addiction.

I refused to let anyone tell me I wasn’t a strong person and that I wasn’t meant to do great things. Overcoming active addiction is no doubt one of the hardest things to do in life but it is an amazing gift of gratitude that I am so proud to have. I am happy that I am an addict. I am proud to be able to show the world that it is possible to bring yourself back from the darkest of places and live every minute to the fullest truly grateful to be alive. I know that every day I will have to fight my addiction to prove that I am strong and that truly is something that I look forward to every day. If I did not have my addiction, I would not feel the amount of extreme gratitude of every day having another day of being sober and alive. I have now been sober for over 5 years and I can honestly say that every single day in recovery has been better than the last. That is something that I never want to lose.

This is why I consider myself to be a proud addict and that I couldn’t be happier with the challenges my life has thrown my way. This is not a book of the 12 steps, I wrote this book to provide a chance for you to find a new and more positive outlook on our lives as addicts. No matter if you have been sober for 20 years or are just starting your recovery today, today is the beginning of your new life and you deserve the best.