Purgatory

This is my gospel of broken sanity

This is my agony

This crippling energy

Wrapped in pain

Painted with glass

This fragile sense of free reign

Doesn’t give stability to the sand

I built my headspace with broken and warped wood

Voices cried

You’ll never make it!

You’ll never stand over me!

~

Towering over the shadows,

The beast built my mansion.

Thick walls buried the sounds,

The screams of slipping sanity.

But I realized too late,

The signs,

The red flags,

The warnings about my fate.

~

The war cries

The carefully played out plans

To fight off the demons

Escaping from their prisons

Hell is seeping through the trenches

Everything feels broken

Every day, I talk about peace

And every day

I want to hide from the attention

~

My crown is broken

Like a halo of shame and guilt

My dreams are my enemies

Like sirens calling death back to me

Shadows chase me while I’m awake

The slivers of sanity are fleeting

Pain

Broken

You make me want to let go

You make me want to give up

I’ve reached that point

That I don’t care about anything

Where is God?

Has he not come to prove me wrong?

Where is the Devil?

Has he come to collect my soul?

Have I not been tormented enough?

There’s nowhere left to hide

I’ve got to…

Ready, set, go

Chase the secrets

Awaken the beast

She’s slumbered long enough

Will this be it?

Will this be the break?

Such a fragile thing

Like a child’s doll

With silky hair and porcelain skin

~

Is it now?

When I take that little sidestep

Through the door of purgatory?

Around the eclipses of my brain

There’s so much pain now

So much shame

Nothing will make it subside

I’ve wept until my eyes were dry

I’ve sat against the wooden pews

And begged for my forgiveness

But nothing has healed my broken mind

I’ve left my heart bleeding on the altar

I’ve abandoned my senses

But nothing here has given me peace

Voices

Whispering

~

I’ve built my fortress

Out of blood and sweat

I carved the wood

Into intricate stories of my life

Broken down into the images of my shattered mind.

The family destroyed by needles

The father, the shield,

Swallowed by the alcohol

While trying to chase his own demons.

The mother, the heart,

Accepted death like a lover

The child, the innocent,

Damaged by the spears of men

Ruined beyond recognition

~

When do the feelings stop?

When will it all end?

When can I quit?

When does it end?

When will I stop bleeding out these words?

Of pain, guilt, shame, hurt

I’m tired

Never able to rest

I’ve been ruined

~

There’s an inkling

A longing

For a sense of peace

For something I’ll never catch

For that experience

For that revenge

Reckoning

~

Shadow work

It’s time

Time to slay your demons

Time to remove the broken halo

And adorn the crown

The music’s blaring

Spinning

Spending time in the dark

It’s time to cast the light into the darkness

Fill the void with my energy

My demons have come knocking

Taking up the flame

Burning out the fears

Until it has faded

~

Thunder bounces off of every wall

Rain slams against the stained-glass windows

My life doesn’t feel complete

It feels as if the flames are fading

Whisper echo across the space

Candlelight

I can’t see the shadows dancing before me

I hear the tap taps of their feet

I hear their laughter

Am I damned?

Have I finally gone insane?

Fragments

This is the gospel of broken sanity