Off The Books

I was so desperate...

Do you remember that old saying, 'The best things in life are free?' I had to find out the hard way, that they were right. It all started about a month ago...

The bills were due, and all I had left was one hundred and fifty bones. I am not much of a gambler, and I never felt lucky enough to blow my money on lottery tickets.Bidding on items in online auctions, and snagging up on rare and valuable items that I could resell at a greater price.

It may sound boring, but that's how I'd get my kicks and make my living. If there was easy money to be made, I was on it like white on rice, and what a rush! There was nothing that could prepare me for the events that would transpire the day I decided to bid on a storage unit for the first time. Which ultimately, would be the last day that the word 'boring', would ever be associated with me.

When I showed up to the 'Stow and Go', the most highly used and coveted storage facility in town. I was met with quite the motley crue. There was Jim Bob. This was a, big, burly, bearded, behemoth of a man who drove a semi for a living. Jim had no family and nothing holding him back from spending his days off buying and selling storage units. It was like second nature to him. Billy and Tammy Pratt were a young couple from the next town over. If Tammy wanted it, Billy would buy it. I am pretty sure if he didn't, he would be in hot water with her for sure. Ed Hawthorn was a retired ice cream parlor owner who passed on the torch to his son Ed Jr. That place had really gone downhill ever since he took over. There were others that showed from town, ranging from mullets to mohawks.

That day I thought I would have no luck with all the competition. Jim Bob would have the majority of winning bids that day, and old Ed would buy two decent looking units full of kitchen appliances. After Billy and Tammy got what they came for they took off with their trailer in tow, full to the brim. After a long day, I had not won a single unit! Discouraged, I prepared to head home.

As I began the exit the facility to walk to my car, I noticed a small object lying on the ground. It appeared to be a small, black, leather-bound notebook. I wasn't sure who dropped it, but it was mine now! A pathetic victory for a day wasted.

"Now," I thought to myself, "I am going to have to really work my butt off to get caught up on these bills." Let's face it, I was really going to be up the creek, without a paddle. Especially, if I couldn't come up with some money, and quick. I took the notebook home with me. After feathering through it I figured that it must've belonged to a crazy person.

Every page was just full of what appeared to be random numbers followed by random letters every so many digits. After weeks of missing credit payments, and falling behind on my rent and car payments. Things were looking bleak for me and my cat. Whom I will now mention due to his important role in what would come next

At my ropes end, and Mr. Chubbs noticing my angst, tried to cheer me up by trompsing on my keyboard while I frantically attemped to gather all my assets. Well, what little I had left, anyways. I tried wave my tubby tabby away, but he was not taking no for an answer. His need to show me love caused the now dusty notebook to fall from the corner of my desk. As it fell, I reached to catch it. I knocked over my coffee cup spilling it onto the now open notebook on the ground.

"Wait just a minute Mr. Chubbs," I said aloud. "Those are bank accounts and routing numbers!" I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner! The hot coffee revealing various names in invisible ink, now appearing before my eyes.

Within moments I figured out the letters after the numbers were the initials of the bank names. f.n. = First National... H.C.U. = Homestead Credit Union, etc. I started to transfer these accounts into mine, and by the time I was done, I had grown my account to around $20,000 dollars.

Mr. Chubbs and I have a new place now, and no one has ever come knocking about the money. What are the odds, right? By the way, Mr.Chubbs now gets whatever food he wants, and I even gave him his own keyboard to walk on. Lucky me.