Nothing is Wrong, But Nothing Feels Right, Either

“Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old

Sometimes I’d like to quit

Nothin’ ever seems to fit

Hangin’ around

Nothin’ to do but frown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down

What I’ve got they used to call the blues

Nothin’ is really wrong

Feelin’ like I don’t belong

Walkin’ around

Some kind of lonely clown

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down”

Rainy Days and Mondays, by The Carpenters

Once in a while, these song lyrics by The Carpenters hit a little closer to home than I’d like. Today is one of those days.

I’m not sure what exactly causes the blues when I get them here and there. I stop short of calling it “depression” because it doesn’t feel that severe. It rarely lasts more than a day or two. I rationalize that nothing in particular seems that bad. I just feel a bit sad, which I don’t care for.

I’m a pretty happy, fun-loving guy most of the time. I truly enjoy my immediate family. I love my Bride, our kids, and Libby our Mooch dog. They bring so much love, laughter, and fun into my life daily. I’m fortunate and blessed to have them all.

Then there are all of my online friends. Whether we’re talking about social media people or especially my writing family, I really enjoy the interaction and presence of my favorite people online. I know that we’d have nothing but a good time if we all met at some point in real life.

So what is it about days like today or any other given day of the week when we feel sad? The logical person that I am tells me that I’m being irrational and silly, fighting off being on the verge of tears. It just makes no sense to feel down, temporarily.

For instance, let’s talk about today. The sun is shining. It’s currently 77 degrees and sunny outside. I just came from a quick trip to the grocery store. It’s the perfect day, at least in terms of weather. Perhaps I should go back outside, maybe take Mooch for a walk. She’d love that.

I know that I should feel grateful for things when I’m feeling down like today. I should be glad for a nice fall day. I should be happy that I’m having a good hair day. Hell, it’s a FABULOUS hair day, honestly. I am reasonably healthy, and my loved ones are healthy. It’s the weekend. Blah.

I think part of the reason for feeling down is my blogging stat performance. It’s been a tough past week. First thing this morning, I decided to post a new blog. Then I noticed how low my views and reads have been today. I got onto my Bride’s laptop and started reading all of my old blogs on it, clapping for those she’d never gotten to yet.

Doing this for a couple of hours helped boost my stats but not my mood. Mai came home from a jog in the foothills with our daughter and turned on a show about orphans being sent all over the country by train around the turn of the century. That was depressing to listen to. I found myself on the verge of tears. Being an empath can cause sad moods so often.

Then I decided to get outside and shop for groceries for a bit. It was crowded. Saturday early afternoon is a busy time for our nearby grocery store. The number of people there didn’t bother me, though. It was nice to see families together, kids acting goofy, and babies smiling at me. But I still felt teary-eyed.

I hurried to get what I needed and then came home. Perhaps some lunch would help a bit. Leftover butter chicken curry sounded great. And here I am in my nice big chair downstairs, full of chicken curry, rice, and negative-feeling emotions. At least I’m not hungry anymore.

It seems like it doesn’t take more than a few unfortunate things sometimes to put me into a negative, sad mood. My truck was just repaired yesterday to the tune of $775. My month for writing income has taken a noticeable decline in views, reads, and income. I try not to let that bother me, but it really does.

When you’re working so hard to reach certain goals in your newer career, steps backward can really hurt. I know I need to just work at it even harder, put more effort into better ideas and topics to write about, and look to fine-tune and tinker with newer strategies. That’s exactly what I’ll do.

Because these blues come and go. I consider myself lucky to only have these feelings occasionally. I know many, many more people suffer from depression, and some of them, severely. I realize that I could have things far worse than I do. I’m grateful that my moods are manageable.

It’s still not fun to struggle with even minor bouts of sadness or borderline depression. As an empath, I truly feel for the people who struggle with it so badly that it affects their health, their jobs, and their relationships with others. I can keep these negative feelings to myself and hide them in front of almost anyone.

So I’ll continue to forage on and try some strategies that I wrote about not too long ago. In my blog titled, “Eight Ways To Put Your Foot Up Depression’s Ass”, I talk about eight different things one can do to fight off those sad feelings of depression. I think I’ll re-read that one and see how many I can utilize until I’m feeling more of my typical happy-go-lucky self. Check it out if you have a need for some tips:

I’m sure this will pass soon. I appreciate all of you wonderful people from the writing community who bring happiness and laughter into my life. I hope I do the same for you through my blogs and my comments. I consider many of you my friends.

Leave me a link to something you’ve written lately in the comments. Reading also helps shift our negative outlooks to more positive ones so often. Bonus points if you leave one for something funny you’ve written. I’d appreciate any recommendations you have for me to read. Thanks for listening. &:^)