My Experience as Neurodivergent Adult

Perfectly fine and happy one minute, the next minute so exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally there isn’t anything left to do but lay in bed and sleep. We have all been there. As an extroverted introvert, this is a constant battle I face. Most days I feel completely drained after work, self-isolating until I return to work the next day. My days off are spend in self-isolation, usually working on my novel, or playing Fallout ™ or Wolfenstein ™. I occasionally go to the theme parks, but only if I wear my Boise ™ noise-cancelling headphones. As a child, I was energetic, extremely outgoing, and enjoyed being with friends and around people.

I began noticing more and more odd “quirks”, as I call them, that slowly began increasing over the years. I recently began speaking to my therapist and then my doctor about these concerns, and upon further testing and examinations, my doctor gently informed me that I am neurodivergent, possibly resulting from my diagnosed CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I never knew that the brain could re-create itself as a coping mechanism to emotional, mental or physical damage.

Therapy has been extremely helpful and productive in identifying and coming to terms with some of the underlying trauma and disabilities that I have been diagnosed with as an adult. I have decided to talk about my experiences, in hopes that my story can help others that may be struggling with undiagnosed illnesses or disabilities of their own. I hope to help those who may feel ashamed or embarrassed about their experiences and who may not understand why they feel or act the way they do.

The Beginning:

Knowing you are different your whole life, but not knowing why, can be a torturous thing for a child. I’d never been very good at speaking with tact, but I was always an excellent writer. What I needed to say seemed to flow with ease through my fingertips. I didn’t catch on to social cues as quickly as others, and sarcasm was difficult for me to understand at times, and it still can be. I used to be ok with some forms of physical tough, like my back or legs being rubbed or scratched, but I was never a fan of hand holding. It always made me extremely anxious, and as I grew, feelings of aggression developed if I had to hold hands with anyone. I’ve never handled changes in my routine very well, which has only intensified as I have grown older. Loud sounds unsettle me, and large crowds tend to greatly irritate me.

At the age of 30, after years of therapy, it was suggested that I may be neurodivergent, or, in the very least, on the autism spectrum. As I was later expressing my frustration over my behaviors and feelings to a close friend of mine, I mentioned the possibility of a neurodivergent diagnosis, and they responded with “yeah, I thought you knew you were!” As flabbergasted as I was, I decided to start looking into the possibility of such a diagnosis. While there is no specific test for a diagnosis, the more I can understand why I do the things I do, and why I think and behave the way I do, the more I can work on adapting and changing the way I see myself and the way I present myself to others.

The Learning Process:

While there are numerous “tests” online, the only way to solidify a diagnosis to confirm your suspicions is by first paying a visit to your primary care doctor. This discussion is the first step in obtaining a clearer picture of the way your brain works. After your discussion, if you and your doctor come to an agreement that you may be, in fact, on the spectrum, then the next step is developing a plan of care. Diagnosis as an adult is much different than diagnosis as a child. Children often may need more developmental intervention than adults. Adults with a diagnosis of autism or neurodivergency could elect for CBT, also known as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This specific type of therapy aids in retraining the brain to behave in a different manner.

Your local library or bookstore should be able to provide educational materials on these topics. You can also peruse the internet, although I would be overly cautious on anything but a scholarly source when it comes to medical information online. You know your body and brain more than anyone else. Look for information pertaining to your own experiences, to understand the reasoning behind these experiences. As for me, I am still learning about my brain and how this diagnosis has and will affect me in my daily life. I have included a few resources at the end of this article that may help you in your own learning process!

Acceptance:

Your diagnosis may come as a shock. It may be embarrassing, or you may even feel ashamed, like there is something wrong with you. Try to remember that not only is there nothing wrong with you, but you should turn your feelings of shame into feelings of relief. As I stated before, you know your body and brain better than anyone. If you knew something was different about you, this diagnosis proves you right! This is an important step in learning how to understand your brain better! There is never a reason to be ashamed of who you are. I felt a weird relief after speaking with my primary care physician. I felt as though now I understood why I am the way I am. It felt like a small load was lifted off my shoulders and I could finally start processing my trauma and the root cause of this diagnosis.

Neurodivergent brains are almost always this way from birth, but many times they can develop from physical or emotional trauma. If this is the case, then CBT may be the right route you want to take. Your brain may not return to the way it was prior to your injury, but the way you are able to process things around you may be adapted so you are able to function more comfortably in your surroundings each day. Healing your trauma through therapy is an excellent starting point!

The Positives of Being Neurodivergent:

You think differently than others. Your brain processes and learns differently. This usually means you are an avid reader, artistic or musically inclined, and you enjoy puzzles and problem-solving. Great news! As an adult, you are already faced with implementing problem-solving in your everyday activities, which is something you probably enjoy and excel in! You may not understand or catch on to some social cues here and there, but you are focused on the outcome of the “puzzle” you are tasked with solving. Many neurodivergent people do very well in a customer-service based role.

You probably have a pretty set routine in your personal life, and you probably enjoy hobbies like arts and crafts or writing in your spare time. If this does sound like you, consider turning these activities into a side business! When someone is good at something, why not profit from it? Open an Etsy account, start a small business, sell on social media, or sell your content online!

Speaking Up:

Hopefully, you have are surrounded with a good support system that will encourage you as you start this new journey, but if you are not, look to support groups or to social media groups that are run by others experiencing the same process you are. The ability to relate to others’ experiences and having a strong support group will drastically aid in the learning and acceptance process in your journey. When you feel comfortable, speak up about your experience and encourage others that are starting on the path you are on now. Learn to laugh at yourself and learn to love your quirks! I have finally begun to understand my own processes and I have slowly started to love each little aspect of myself. I don’t consider myself as having a disability, I consider myself as someone whose brain just operates a little differently due to the trauma I have survived.

Remember you are perfect just the way you are, and that there is nothing wrong with you or your brain! Take it one day at a time and love yourself and celebrate your differences! You are amazing!

Resources:

VeryWell Health

CDC

Harvard Health