My Best Friend Ana

Let me tell you about my best friend, Ana.

I first met Ana when I was 12 years old. Our friendship started off slow, but quickly grew into a connection I will never forget. Her voice was quiet at first, almost a whisper. She carried herself well. She always stood tall, and even though she was quiet, she spoke with such conviction. She was perfect, and I admired that in her.

Ana and I live in a small town called Ambivalence. There aren't very many buildings here. Just a couple of houses and empty country roads for miles that lead to the next neighboring town. Most people don't settle down here. Our town leaders had a push-pull relationship when it came to running the place

I remember the day we first met, when some kids at school were poking fun at me. She stood watching in the corner. She came up to me when they left and introduced herself. She told me not to worry about them. That, with her as my friend, we’d be unstoppable.. Instantly, I was hooked.

From that day on, Ana never left my side. Everywhere I went, she was there too. She was my missing piece. She made me feel happy and pure. I even introduced her to my parents, but they weren't too fond of her. I figured they’d come around eventually, because Ana had a weird way of growing on you.

When I followed her directions, she was the best friend a girl could ask for. I would forget all the little arguments we would have because I knew deep down, she cared for me and was just doing what was best for me. She gave me what she’d promised from the beginning—we became unstoppable.

During the darkest times of my life, Ana helped me through it. When they touched my body, she helped me scrub away the scars. She taught me how to be accepted by the people around me for the first time. We spent countless hours talking so I could drown out the sounds of my parents' voices. I knew if I had a problem, she could fix it.

As the years went by, she became even more controlling. She dictated what I could and couldn't do. She told me I was fat, ugly, and undeserving of anyone's love but hers. I begged her to stop. I told her I would do anything to make her happy. Anything was better than hearing her voice. Remember how I said she was convincing? Ana just had her way with words.

As controlling as she was, I couldn’t leave. As much as I wanted to say goodbye at times, I needed her. I am nothing without her rules, regulations, and constant reminders. Every time I tried to leave, she was there whispering, "What about me?" I couldn't give up on her, especially when she never gave up on me.

In the winter of 2017, my parents told me I couldn't continue to be friends with Ana anymore. I remember thinking, "How dare they say this! Can't they see she's just looking out for me?" My parents and I fought. They kicked Ana out of our house. How silly of them to think she would go away so easily. She started sneaking through my windows and slipping through the door cracks.

A few times, they caught Ana sneaking back in. This never ended well. It was in these times of chaos that I needed her most and they were ripping her away from me. They boarded the windows, locked the doors, and yet Ana always found her way back to me.

I remember when I began to fall sick. The stress of my friendship with Ana was taking its toll on me. I begged her to leave so I could get well. She told me staying was for the best, but how much more could I take?

After a short stay at the hospital where Ana was banned from, I realized how much she had held me back. I enjoyed my freedom from her. When she knocked on my door, bringing me welcome home flowers, I slammed the door in her face. Boy, was she angry.

I wish I could say that was the last time I heard from Ana. However, she returns often. Sometimes she stays for a couple of hours, other times she hangs around for months or even years. Each time she visits, she gets louder. More convincing.

Currently, Ana is here with me, watching me as I write the story of our friendship. She's smiling. She's happy. I've been giving her what she wants. She's got a tight grip on me. I often wonder if I will ever be able to break free from her "friendship."

If you ever meet a girl named Ana, you will be unstoppable. Just not in the way you think. Because the truth is? Because the truth is, she won’t give up until you’re lying six feet underground. Ana promises control. She gives you what you think you need, while taking from you like a parasite. Is it worth the cost? That's up to you to decide.

Ambivalence: The state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone.

Ana: Anorexia.