Mirror, Mirror - Who Do You See?

Hey, how are you feeling today?

Have you taken some time for yourself today?

If you are a trauma survivor, the answer is probably not. As survivors, the last person we think about is ourselves because we have spent years being suppressed into believing that we don't exist, that we are nothing, and that we deserve nothing.

An abuser asserts control over us by intimidation and fear. The damage from hearing that we are nothing and we have no voice is deeply ingrained in us. It doesn't matter if decades have passed since you left home; that core self-image was shattered well before your personality had taken form.

This is why we never stop to think about ourselves.

In this article, I want to address the issue of self-image after suffering child abuse and how this deep wound is difficult to heal.

Let's start with an exercise:

Look in a full-length mirror where you can see your whole body. If you don't have one at home, plenty of stores have them. I want you to linger in front of the mirror and look at yourself.

What do you see?

Who do you see?

What does your face look like?

Are you smiling, or do you have a sad face?

What does this tell you about the image in the mirror? Who is this person in the mirror? Where have you been today?

As a trauma survivor, we rarely stop and look at ourselves.

Next, look at your body.

What do you see?

What are you wearing?

Why did you wear those clothes today?

How do they make you feel?

When we have a disconnect between ourselves and the world, we don't always pause to think about what we look like.

Now, back to my first question: How are you feeling today?

Did you find those questions difficult to answer? Why do you think that is?

In our busy world, we rarely take the time to pause and simply be for a while. We're so busy that we often eat our lunch at our desks; heck we might even work through lunch. Our calendars are so full that we cannot afford to stop, and it is no wonder that we get sick from stress.

Taking time to notice how we feel is so far down our agenda that we forget to "feel." It is no wonder that if we cannot "feel," we also forget who we are.

I want you to look into that mirror one more time. This time, look into your eyes. Someone once told me that eyes are like windows into the soul. I agree with them. Eyes do tell stories about someone, if you look.

What do you see in your eyes? Can you see the emotional pain that you are in?

If you can see it, then maybe you can start to understand that the pain is there. You were deeply hurt, but your life is not over; far from it. 

You matter, and you still have many sunrises to discover.

There is so much that your face can tell you, and if you look even closer at your image, there is a road map laid out in front of you. 

Every bruise, scar, blemish, and wrinkle has a story. They matter, every single one matters because they are yours. 

They tell the exact truth of how much you have had to endure in the past. How brave you were to overcome your trauma; to stand here in this moment, and look at yourself.

My therapist asked me; who do I see when I look in the mirror? I found myself not being able to answer. Then she changed the question, and asked me to tell me how other people saw me.

It took me a while to answer because I never really think about myself.

Do you take time to think about yourself?

Who are you?

My therapist had to break it down for me into labels to help me answer her question. I was like a child having their food cut up into bite sized pieces. But in this case, the food was a simple question of; who are you?

We eventually agreed that I was a wife, mom, author, teacher, etc. Those are all true facts, but I still couldn't find the words to name them.

If you are finding it tricky to think of who you are, then turn it around and think about how other people see you.

Who are you to others around you? How do they see you? 

Think about everything that you have achieved so far, and be proud of every stepping stone it took to get there. I'm not just talking about academics here, but anything you have achieved, no matter how small, it's still something.

Where have you been, and what kind of people did you meet along the way?

How did those experiences and people teach you and shape you, into who you are today?

You should feel proud of who you are, wherever your life is in this moment. You survived, and your body is your story. 

From now on, you have a choice of where you want to go next. You are free to make that choice, and nobody can tell you what to do and how to do it. You are free.

I know these words are hard to read because if you are anything like me, you don't believe in yourself. It's hard to feel proud of anything when it doesn't come naturally.

What do we say to our kids when they cannot do something at first? Well, we ask them to try again, and again, and again. We tell them that by practicing something, eventually they will get better and succeed.

So, take another look in that mirror and practice telling yourself that you matter, and you should feel proud of who you are.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you like reading my posts, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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Here are a few links to my articles:

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4