Midnight

My eyes snapped open. It was the early hours of the morning, I guessed, looking at the darkness outside.

It was these hours of the night that I fear the most. I could feel my heart beating in my chest; the fear and the anxiety slowly creeping in. Tendrils of dread and down begin insinuating into my fragile mind. A shiver ran up my spine, the cold nipping at my uncovered torso.

The familiarity of his arm draped lazily across my waist was absent, bringing my worst doubts racing through my mind. But then again, I always knew this day would come. Maybe he had finally decided to leave me.

The stark difference in caliber between us was evident to anyone. He was attractive to everyone he meets and effortlessly one of the brightest minds in any room. Tall, with broad swimmer's shoulders and long, lean legs to match, he stood in striking contrast to my petite frame.

It was a surprise, even to me, that he took any interest in me. Aside from being his junior colleague, we shared little in common. Efficient at work, with a knack for sports, it was a even more baffling that he would bother to make eye contact with someone who fumbled at even the most menial tasks.

Then of course, with little effort on his part, I had fallen deeply in love with him. Every moment spent with him felt like magical scenes plucked out from movies.

I knew that losing him, after understanding what bliss it was to be in his presence would send me spiraling into such devastation as I have never known. Yet, I couldn't help being drawn in to his beauty. There was no point in pretending to build up any resistance, when all he had to do was cast a glance in my direction, and all defense would have crumbled.

He buys me lunch at work, even when I tell him not to. Then he watches me eat, even if I say I don't have the time to do so. He drives me to the airport at odd hours, then picks me up with flowers and a kiss.

But even with none of these material gestures, my senses are never dull to him. I am a bundle of joy, bounding to greet him when he opens the door, and a whimpering mess when he leaves. Each time I watch his back receding away, I wonder if that would be the last time I see him. That thought normally keeps me frozen for quite a while.

It always begins with imagining the various ways he might be taken away from me - maybe an accident on the road, a theft gone wrong, or a horrible tragedy that ends his life. Then my thoughts turn to finding him with someone else in bed. The latter scenario would be harder to recover from, I conclude. Ultimately, I am convinced that this relationship will come to an inevitable end.

I feel the weight of the bed shift, and I turn to the direction of the motion. His hand searches the empty bed in the darkness, then his eyes flutter open lazily. He looks up at me, through his long lashes.

"Nightmare?" he asks, while stretching his long, taut body. I keep silent, unwilling to share my anxiety, afraid that he might deem me deranged. That would just be another one of the many reasons that would chase him away.

"Babe.." he moaned in his sleep, pulling me closer with one arm. I dove into the warmth of his chest, relishing in these moments, for as long as I could have them. Then and there, I swore to myself, he would never know the darkness that plagued my mind.