Me And My Anxiety
I'm Not Always Comfortable Enough To Be Approached By Strangers.
There are a lot of people living in my town who are very kind-hearted and supportive towards people who suffer from mental health conditions.
These people never hesitate to check up on me, whether I know them or not.
While it can be sometimes nice for someone who doesn't know me or knows me from my written work, and I do appreciate it; there are times when I don't want to be approached,
especially if I am in a heightened or panicked state.
I suffer from two different conditions, PTSD and Social Anxiety.
My PTSD triggers include strangers, and my social anxiety often brings on a panic attack, which makes me feel very uncomfortable and panicked when in the company of strangers and crowds.
When strangers approach me at times I am triggered, I will make up any excuse to get away because during those times, I become strongly aware that other people are around me, and that often triggers a fear of being attacked.
I have days when I can tolerate having conversations with strangers, and I have days when I don't tolerate it very well.
You can't see inside my head, and you can't always see the nervousness and fear in my eyes;
you can sense it when I start to stammer.
My mental health is not easily understood by others. They don't understand the nervousness, fear, or even sometimes why I seem to talk differently to everyone else.
They don't understand why one minute I am walking calmly through town, and the next minute I am running without knowing it.
It comes from being a victim of repeated attacks of violence in my past, both in and outside of my home.
These are not problems that just disappear, whether it's three months or twenty years later.
It is a fear that comes from memories that stay long after the events have taken place. These memories can heighten the panic, which in return, heightens the anxiety, leaving a person believing it will happen again, even if it never does.
When a person has been exposed to something horrific, repeatedly for many long years, they live with the memories; it is the memories that make a person feel anxious and panicked in situations that may trigger them.
I often get told to avoid things that might trigger me, though that can cause another problem.
If I constantly avoid going out, I'd be stuck indoors for the rest of my life, whilst on the other hand if a stranger approaches me outside, and it leaves me feeling uncomfortable, panicked, and anxious, that can lead to me having a full-blown panic attack.
These situations often leave the kind-hearted people feeling upset, they often think they have done something to upset me when they haven't.
I want you to know that I enjoy talking to people, and my anxiety and PTSD symptoms are not your fault.
I can't always tell you how I feel, and you can't guess how I am feeling, though I don't dislike talking to other people. However, if you ask me whether or not I am ok, and I smile and walk away, please do not try to force me into opening up or beg me to stay for longer than I can because that makes me feel as though I have to act ok when I am not ok at all.
Many people who know me well, know that on my good days I can be a social butterfly; however, I have days when I just want to sit alone with my thoughts, and I have days when being approached by strangers is too much for me.
About the Creator
Carol Ann Townend
I'm a writer who doesn't believe in sticking with one niche.
My book Please Stay! is out now
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Comments (15)
Completely relatable. I loved this piece. Sending you all the e-support I can. *hugs
I liked the content you wrote. Just like we subscribed to your channel, can you also subscribe to my channel?
I’ve been dealing with anxiety for years, so I understand exactly what you're talking about. Saying 'hope you can overcome it soon' doesn’t really help. I know that. It's a slow process, and I’m working on it. These days, I feel much better, but I still have a long way to go. Keep fighting until you win over your mind.
I hope sharing this makes you feel better. It opened my eyes and put me in your shoes for a moment to understand what it's like day to day for you. God bless you, Carol Ann. You are stronger everyday!
Your candid exploration of anxiety resonates deeply, highlighting the existential vacuum that often accompanies such experiences. In acknowledging and articulating your struggles, you exemplify the human capacity to find meaning amidst suffering. It leads me to ponder: how can we harness our inner turmoil as a catalyst for personal growth and self-discovery?
أحس بك وشعورك ليس بغريب... دعي الوقت يعالج الأمر
I have been facing such an issue during the lockdown and still dealing with it, but now I'm able to deal with it with ease, and slowly-slowly I'm overcoming this.
Thank you for your honesty here. I admire your strength in speaking about it. Congrats on Top Story as well.
Thank you for sharing this genuine and vulnerable story! It's reassuring to know that others who have these anxieties are not alone.
Thanks for sharing this. It’s real, and it makes a lot of sense. I hope people can respect your space while still showing care. Congrats on your top story!
I applaud your willingness to be vulnerable here. I also struggle with various forms of anxiety, but everyone is so different, it can even be hard for anxious people to understand each other at times. But I can certainly relate to the back and forth of being social one day and more closed off the next. Congrats on TS, this stuff should be talked about more!
nice one
Nice
Thank you for this, it is good to talk about the difficult stuff, thank you for sharing. I am sure this will help many readers.
Very raw! What an amazing piece! Thank you for sharing