Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Ramblings & Findings of a Suicide Dreamer
Recently I have been having dreams of suicide. I sleep for a few hours, and I wake up in breathless, dry sobs with no immediate recollection of the scenes I have just witnessed. I lay there, shaking off the dream, slipping back into unconsciousness, and spinning the wheel to see what method lies beneath my eyelids this time around. Another dream; another suicide; another means to an end. More sobs and no tears, just violent heaves of what I have just put myself through.
By Kaylin Bever8 years ago in Psyche
Depression—Yes It Is a Thing
Diseases are all around us. Some people are lucky to never get serious ones, while others tend to be constantly surrounded by the worst ones. Now what people fail to recognize is that diseases go beyond a physical illness... meaning that some illnesses are invisible.
By Monica Pavlack8 years ago in Psyche
I Finally Had the Courage...
I have been suffering from Trichotillomania (Trich) since I was about five years old. I know what my trigger is, my mom. She was always and still is very verbally abusive to me, starting from an early age. I remember sitting in my room for hours pulling out my hair from my head and hiding it under my bed or buried on my trash can under papers. She would see my bald spots and yell at me because she thought I was using scissors to cut my hair. She would spend hours in my bedroom doorway yelling at me to give her the scissors. Between her and me getting bullied at school, I was able to transition from my head to my eyelashes, which were harder for people to notice. I like to feel the pain of the strand of hair being pulled out, I find it comforting, because I was used to hurting. I always suffered alone. I got married to my ex-husband when I was 21, we were together for about 13 years and have five beautiful kids together. My Trich eased up some because I was so busy being a mom. But sometimes, when I was really stressed, I would sit there at night while watching TV with him and would start pulling at my eyelashes again, he would ask me why I was doing that. I would tell him it was out of stress, and he would accuse me of cheating, saying if I wasn't doing anything behind his back then I wouldn't be stressed. Well fast forward to 2012, I'm pregnant with our fifth baby and I found out he cheated on me the whole pregnancy! I tried for over a year to make the marriage work, but in the end, I decided to leave him. Soon after I got my own place and settled in to my new life I met the most amazing man, we fell in love and got married in 2016. I feel connected to him in a way that I have never felt before, he's always there for me. But with the stress of trying to co-parent with the ex and dealing with my still verbally abusive mother my pulling has been at an all-time high. I have no eyelashes right now, I use eyeliner to hide my bald lash line. I feel so ugly. I was poking around online and that's when I found that it had a name and that millions of people suffer from it. I read their stories and didn't feel so alone anymore, I felt like I belonged to this special community and that there were ways to beat it with the proper support system. So being scared to death I told my husband I wanted to talk to him, so we sat down. He asked me what was wrong and through my tears I told him I suffered from Trichotillomania. He didn't know what it was so I told him about what I do to my eyelashes and that I cover it up with makeup, he smiled and said he never noticed because he loves me for who I am and that I was beautiful with or without eyelashes. I finally had the courage to face my fears of someone finding out what I was doing and there was no shaming, only love. He wants to help me in any way possible to get through this, he would even go to therapy and hold my hand if I wanted. I feel like the world has been lifted off my shoulders, so much so that I don't wear makeup around the house anymore to hide it from him. I actually feel closer to him on a new level now because of the love and support he gives me. If you suffer from Trich, don't be afraid to admit it to yourself and to someone who you trust, because once you do you will feel like a new person with the strength to face this with your head held high.
By Rebecca Johnson8 years ago in Psyche
Psychosis
I'm going to start off by saying I'm using this title word very broadly here. This topic generally includes several smaller concepts that work together into one little word that many people are terrified to use. Why can't we be honest about what is ailing us? How can a doctor, a medical professional, sit across from you and tell you that they do not "believe in" your illness? Why do we not have free healthcare across the board like so many countries that we claim to be lesser than us in stature and economy? These are our decisions, but the reason nothing changes is that we don't talk about it. That's how we end up with something so atrocious as the Fetal Heart Bill in Iowa. I will re-iterate it again and again; we have to talk about these chronic ailments, the lack of appropriate health care available, and how our government is making money off of all of us for these precise reasons.
By Alyssa Houser8 years ago in Psyche
Depression Without Shame
There is a stigma about depression and other mental illnesses. You think there is something wrong with you or that you're damaged. You think you may be going crazy and that it is better to hide it and keep it bottled up. If no one knows, if it doesn't come out and you can hide it well, then it doesn't exist. Right?
By Erika Farrah8 years ago in Psyche
The Struggles of Being Young With Illnesses
At the age of 9, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and subsequently also anxiety and depression. I had been sexually abused for years, and when finally reaching out and going to therapy, a slew of problems were brought up to my parents; concerns about my mental health. I was taught things a young child should never have to be taught; how to properly manage a triggered PTSD attack, how to get your body to rest when you cannot sleep, how to calm yourself after a flashback. I was told that while it will get better, it will never go away.
By Briana White8 years ago in Psyche
A Minute? More Like Eternity
I sit down ready to eat, my stomach roaring with anger. I decide to view the menu. A cheeseburger with tomatoes, lettuce, and lots of ketchup. Of course, don't forget the side of fries and a vanilla milkshake. Simple. Basic. I smile to myself, thinking about how easy it was for me to pick the food I wanted. I almost laughed, but I caught myself. I started to wonder how concerning it would be to see a middle-aged woman with accidental tan skin with bright blue eyes and jet black hair to be laughing to herself. At a table. Alone. I look around, hoping to see someone else without an eating partner to talk, laugh, and experience their meal with. I continue to scan the room awkwardly, trying not to be obvious that I am observing people. Their small habits and features. I look down at my nearly empty table. I stare at my purse, hands, and the tiny condiment bottles that I do not dare to use.
By Grace Mitchell8 years ago in Psyche
Exposing the Darkness from Inside
Recently there has been a great deal of news regarding suicide, what with Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade recently taking part in the act. While that has sparked more conversation regarding suicide and mental illness once more, I know it will soon fade until another celebrity off's him or herself; a week or two will pass, and then the conversation about the prevalence rates of mental illness and how serious it can be will fade once more. The cycle will continue to repeat until society changes.
By Zellie Wicker8 years ago in Psyche
We Aren't Choosing to Drown, Our Minds Make Us Feel Like We Already Are...
I never once when growing up thought, When I get older, I would love to deal with consistent struggles of the mind. That sure sounds glamorous. And neither did the millions of others who suffer, and I think we tend to forget that. Nothing about this toxicity is beautiful, and you are only making it worse by talking about it as if they chose this life themselves.
By Courtney Joyce8 years ago in Psyche
