Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
How an advertisement changed my life
I will never forget the day that my mom told me about an advertisement she had seen online. I remember that we were in the driveway at nighttime. As my mom parked the car, she mentioned that she saw an online advertisement for an OCD study. Throughout my whole life I had always struggled with obsessive compulsive disorder commonly known as OCD for as long as I could remember. OCD greatly impacted almost every aspect of my life. Every day OCD controlled what I wore, what songs I could listen too and how I interacted with others. Even though I was on a medication and that helped to improve my overall mood and made it easier to function in everyday life. OCD still had still had a lot of control over my life and I struggled with it every day. After looking into the advertisement that my mom had told me about, I learned that it was for an OCD study located at the Rodriguez Lab at Stanford. I decided to contact them, and it was not long before I found myself being screened for the different studies that were currently taking place. After a few visits it was decided that I would be participating in a study focusing on Transcranial magnetic stimulation also known as TMS. TMS is a treatment that has been used for depression where a magnetic pulse is delivered to a certain part of the brain. This study was to see if TMS would have a positive impact on OCD patients in a short amount of time. The treatment would be done over a five-day period. I would arrive in the morning and receive TMS treatment at different times during the day. Before I could begin my treatment, I would need to get an MRI.I was a little nervous, but the MRI was not bad at all I was relaxed and felt liked I could fall asleep. I was excited and ready to begin treatment, however I was nervous because I would have to stay closer to the lab. I do not drive, and both my parents work so it would not be possible for me to make the trip that is about thirty minutes each way over a five-day period. Hotels in the area were not in the budget so I ended up staying in an Air B&B that was a short Uber ride from the lab. It was hard to not be able to come home after a long day of treatment, but I was so tired of living with OCD’s daily demands that I willing to be away from home for a while. A typical day of treatment went like this. Wake up super early, get ready get an uber to the lab, settle into my own room for the day then walk to the treatment room several times during the day. I had a good amount of time in between my TMS sessions but I kept myself busy by listing to audio books, blogging and doing word searches. Being apart of this study meant taking a break from my everyday life however I felt comfortable coming to the lab each day. The staff there were all supportive and friendly and they helped me to feel confident. I was cautiously optimistic when I become a part of this study. I wanted this treatment to work but you never know what is going to work or not until you try it. Even if this treatment did not work the way I hoped it would, I knew that this research would be used to help others that were having their daily lives interrupted by OCD. Fortunately, this treatment had an incredibly positive impact on me. One thing that my OCD controlled was what songs I could and could not listen to. One day during my week of treatment I was able to listen to one of my favorite songs. What would have been an everyday occurrence for a lot of people was an incredible breakthrough for me. My OCD had not let me listen to that song in a long time. It caused me to feel like something bad would happen if I listened to that song. However, that day I not only listened to the song I watched the music video as well. I was incredibly happy as I listened to that song. I felt so free as enjoyed a song that OCD had kept me from enjoying for so long. In addition to being able to listen to that song, TMS brought me many positive changes. I now had the freedom to control my everyday choices. I got to chose what I wanted to wear, listen to, and how I interacted with others. OCD no longer had the same authority over my life that it used to. My life had changed for the better in a huge way. The treatment reduced my OCD symptoms by about eighty percent. I still have OCD, but I am the one who is in charge of the choices now. I am so thankful that my mom saw that advertisement my life is much better now because of it.
By Christina Epperly5 years ago in Psyche
'Nothing' is Not an Option.
The first chapter in Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen has to do with a mirror forged by the devil. Its reflection turned beautiful things ugly, and good things evil. When demons tried to carry the mirror to Heaven so they could scoff at the angels it shattered before reaching those perfect beings. Upon breaking millions of tiny fragments flew across the Earth, where these shards were used to make window panes and spectacles, where they pierced eyes and even some hearts. Warping the view of all affected.
By Lucy Richardson5 years ago in Psyche
Cariña
You wake up in the morning and think, "why am I alive?" You contemplate on bed whether or not it is worth getting up. You don't get up. You don't get up at all, even though you know that there are a million reasons to get up. You pull your comforter over your head, hoping that the temporary feeling of warmth might alleviate some of the pain you've constantly been feeling. You want to die. You feel worthless. What's the point? You're a waste of space.
By Jay Cordero5 years ago in Psyche
My Wife is a Recovering Hoarder. This is How I Helped Her.
My wife's name is Samantha, and she's the love of my life. We've been together for five and a half years and we have two kids. Sam and I have a foundation that continues to stand against new trials and tribulations. This is one that I never thought I'd encounter. As a husband and father I want to give you insight on what I learned, and what it took to give my wife the breakthrough she needed.
By Israel Petty5 years ago in Psyche
A Community Garden That Ending My 6-year Long Addiction
Truth be told, I don't really remember much of my past and that scares me. So much of my life, gone. The effects of my addiction clouded much of my past. I can't see it but I know it's there. It must be. Within time, one by one, the puzzle piece of my memories will come to light. Day by day, getting better. As I write this, It'll be my second day being sober.
By Defranco Sarabia5 years ago in Psyche
The McDonalds Parking Lot
*names of people and places have been changed for privacy reasons* I remember that it was raining and I had a hole in my left combat boot. My sock was soaked and my clothes were torn and ratty and not even truly mine to begin with. Some girls from tent city had given them to me when they told me I was no longer welcome.
By Natasha Vanegas 5 years ago in Psyche
The Horrendous Glorification of Mental Illnesses
This is a fair warning, I am not a professional when it comes to mental illnesses. I am simply someone who just had experiences. I am here to share my opinions and thoughts. If you are struggling, please reach out for help. They are available everywhere. Stay safe.
By Covey Saeng5 years ago in Psyche
#BellLetsTalk
#BellLetsTalk Hi. My name is Keanna Barry. I am a 22 year old living with schizophrenia and other mental illnesses such as depression and P.T.S.D. I suffer from drug addiction and suicidal tendencies as well. September 2016 was the first time i was hospitalized. I was scared. I had never known how serious my problems were until my first admission. I was just 17 at that time young and impressionable. They had me taking medication and talking to a psychiatrist which didn’t seem to sit with me well. I was so against the tactics of what they were planning for me. At the time I didn’t understand that they were just trying to prioritize my well being. But at that time it didn’t look or feel like it at all. I was forced to stop doing drugs and even though I had no withdrawals it still upset me to the point where i had lashed out a small armour of anger from me onto the ones who couldn’t understand my dependancy on my substance and see why I had an addiction to even begin with. I felt I had to protect myself from these people. I didn’t know what exactly they had in mind when I was in there, they never told me so it was sort of like a free for all when it came down to being given therapy when yes i know the nurses aren't legal therapists or its not "required" in their job description but I feel I wouldn't have been so lost and confused in there because I just didn’t feel like their techniques that they do complete would work. Yet as I stand here today I’ll admit I was wrong; something I’m not completely used to being. That was the beginning of my recovery. For me I never expected myself to make it to where they had me. I grew up believing I wouldn’t make it to my adulthood but here I am. Today I’m here to tell my story and hopefully influence who ever is in this motion with me to heal and make peace with themselves. For the longest time I blamed myself for my illness. That wasn’t healthy of me to believe or act on. It took many months of self therapy for me to actually admit this. But I’m healing and it feels so great to be able to say that with an honest heart. I’m still on the road to recovery as my life has its many issues that I am working on to make amends. It takes strength and effort but it’s so worth the time it takes because even if it’s a long distance run the end mark still exists for you when you can finally reach that state. I had been feeling a lot more depressed in my last admission which had been a longer term stay of 19 months only by witnessing all of us who are hurt and had been in there for our own personal distraught reasons. And it’s quite sad to me that a lot have been in there for many years and they don’t seem to be as if they’re on their road to recovery. I do pray that they can find the wisdom to do as I have and take that action to make better with their troubles. I’m very keen on seeing myself and others working on whatever it is that makes us live uncomfortably. Because part of that is why I’ve been sick. Not being able to live comfortably but since I’ve began my healing journey I’ve found to stop living in fear and it’s something I’ve suffered with in the past to great extents that I was just so afraid of everything down to introducing myself, meeting new people, public speaking, being in social settings with strangers, and other things that revolve around being with other people. I’m getting lesser and lesser shy and less anti social but it’s a tough one to get past. I found out on my own that my “shyness” was in fact an error of being unable to know how to socialize properly and at certain times at all. Since when I was young I always found it so hard to be in social settings and it was so bad that it followed me into my adolescence. Now that I’m a bit older I’ve found reason for why I lived my life the way I did. But now that I am at this exact point in my life I’ve never felt so relieved. Relieved that I am okay. That things are falling into place and that I am not here alone.
By Keanna Barry 5 years ago in Psyche
