Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Putting Robin Together Again
Putting Robin Together Again Innocence Lost What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. That’s what they say anyway. But death seemed like a sweet release from the nightmare I was trapped in. This is my story, my journey into overwhelming darkness and my struggle to find light again, to find hope and peace.
By Robin Edwards5 years ago in Psyche
A thankyou playlist to Christina Aguilera
This article is not an autobiography of Christina Aguilera. It is in fact a massively touching and heartfelt thankyou to one of my most admired females in the world of music of all time. This amazing singer picked me up at a time when my life shattered to pieces in ways that made me feel weak, vulnerable, pained, and more alone than I could have ever felt. During this time I was healing from a broken and traumatic past full of violence, abuse, and trauma including trauma from childhood and I had been raped, assaulted, and abused in ways that made me hate everything about myself, including my body. During this time, I lost my power, I became too weak to fight, and I blamed myself for everything I had been through, including all the violence. You'll know if you have read my previous articles, that I felt like a piece of dirt, who was only put on this earth to be a punchbag, and that I also spent so many years struggling with my sexuality, unable to come out because I was made to feel deeply ashamed of myself. You'll also know that I was left on the streets for a long time with no help, support, food, or shelter and that I was treated in brutal ways both before and after I ended up in that position. You'll also be aware that my mental health suffered severely and my own children ended up in the system, while I was ignored and got the blame for the violence by the very people who were supposed to help me, and that I went through a misdiagnosis of EUPD, a label slapped on me for many years after speaking out, then a re-diagnosis of PTSD, of which I am still recovering, and that I battled eating disorders, low self-esteem, low confidence, anxiety, depression, suicidal tendencies, and feelings and I had a bad love/hate relationship with my body which caused me to severely distort my opinion of myself.
By Carol Ann Townend5 years ago in Psyche
Quit Trying to Remember Stuff
Recently a friend mentioned that she was frustrated at work by her inability to remember some important details about a key aspect of a project she had been working on for months. She described how she had spent the past few days hunkered down with textbooks and on the computer, but the right connections needed to form a lasting memory of the material had still not materialized. After hearing her out I gave her some (non asked for) advice and said “memorizing stuff is a waste of time.” I quit trying to memorize or even remember most things soon after I got out of the hospital almost three years ago now, and my overall cognitive abilities have never been better (in my estimation). Moreover, my scientific pursuits have not suffered in the least, nor have any personal relationships been strained as a result. In many ways I consider my decision to stop trying to remember or memorize things one of the best decisions I have ever made. It feels as if a huge weight has been lifted off my mind and I am able to focus on the parts of my job and life that are important. Things like problem solving, abstract thinking, creative pursuits, and building and improving interpersonal relationships. I can do these things without the fear of forgetting a name or not remembering any particular equation or procedure because I now consider the concomitant tradeoff in efficiency one I am willing to make. In the end no matter how painful or time consuming it might be to have to look something up, the overall benefits far outweigh the negatives.
By Everyday Junglist5 years ago in Psyche
Six
THE LOYALIST: Committed and Security-Oriented. Engaging, responsible - anxious and suspicious I looked up at the world ahead of me and only saw limitations. It was full of twisted knives, deep drop offs, terrible hazards, and tumultuous winds that blew against me in every which way. I clenched my hands in ill anticipation as I witnessed the chaos unfolding before my eyes. In realistic acknowledgment, I knew I could never defeat this on my own. So, with a shaking heart, I frantically built my extravagant forts in a desperate hope that locking myself tightly inside them would somehow ease the insecurity swirling within me. Yet, my mind still felt enslaved to running endless worst-case scenarios that left my sense of wellbeing frazzled and weary. In hopes of finding a well-deserved solution, I kept my nose tightly pressed in the pages of my own history book and blocked out the world. Fear won’t go away, but somehow, I’ll scrounge together a way to keep it at bay.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
Eight
THE CHAALLENGER: Powerful and Dominating. Self-confident, decisive - willful and confrontational I’ve got this. I promised I would long ago. In this world, what I’ve learned to trust the most is my own two feet. I’m not afraid to admit where I stand. I’m not afraid to walk or even charge forward and the footprints I leave behind will be a testament to my determination. They will construct the path that others will walk. Watch. I will cross this bridge and conquer every mountain that stands in front of me and you. I can even take you with me. With me as your guide we will ascend this hill together. Follow me, follow my two feet, and I’ll prove that you can rely on me too. If you struggle or feel faint along the way, do not worry. I will carry you the rest of the way. I’m strong enough. The childhood dreams I’ve forcefully given form to will protect us both. They have to.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
Nine
THE PEACEMAKER: Easygoing and Self-Effacing. Receptive, reassuring - agreeable and complacent I just want to be you, but I have to be me. There are so many things, piling things, that I am unwilling to admit. Not to you, not even to myself at times. I’m scared of what you don’t want to hear, but sometimes I feel like it needs to be said. There are so many things, accumulating things, that I desperately want to admit. I want to yell. I’m boiling with rage just under the surface and I’m simply waiting for it to ignite. But I don’t know how to form the first thought. My words won’t come out right. It’s so much easier to just close my eyes. It’s so much easier to just tuck my head under the covers and let the bitter conflict melt away in the shadows of late nights. It’s harmless that way.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
Seven
THE ENTHUSIAST: Busy and Fun-Loving. Spontaneous, versatile - distractible and scattered Please, let me go. I’ve been dying to leave for a while now. The world beyond my sight is so vast that you can’t tell me it’s not begging to be explored. I’ve already made a list of all I want to do, so let’s begin already. We can start small if you want. We will search the sand to capture the smallest crabs before flying over continents to capture entire mountain ranges. We will experience it all. I’ll take all the good and even some of the bad. Someday we will look back and laugh it all away. You can call me brash, overly sanguine, or naïve, but that would just be a mark of your singlemindedness.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
Four
THE INDIVIDUALIST: Sensitive and withdrawn. Expressive, dramatic - self-absorbed and temperamental I desperately wanted to paint my individuality into one giant blank canvas. I would add deep splashes of indigo, vibrant hues of crimson, streaks of emerald, washes of yellow, smears of faded white, and intricate swirls of violet. I wanted to etch my elysian soul into every stroke of the brush and give physical form to my idiosyncratic worth. I even wanted to capture every smudged blemish, as if imperfection could give way to surreal divinity. Only I would be qualified to capture and unravel it all. If I were to be called an artist, then surely my very soul would be my greatest masterpiece. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I believed that I was worth a thousand more. I chose to believe that. So, I raised my paint splattered hand to the easel with sanguine determination, but inevitably felt paralyzed as I didn’t even know how to begin. It was almost poetically tragic how still my hand became.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
Five
THE INVESTIGATOR: Intense and Cerebral. Perceptive, innovative - secretive and isolated Just give me a moment. I’ll understand within time. I’ll add each new token I discover from my quandary into carefully labeled collections that are organized safely in my mind. I’ll admit, this conundrum you’ve placed before me is quite the challenge, but everything in this world and beyond is meant to be understood at some point or another. Even me. One day, I’ll be able to identify every individual particle that defines my existence well enough to explain it to you in detail. I know it’s just a matter of time. So, I’ll take my time. I’ll listen to the sound of the wind along with my heartbeat as carefully as an intricate rhapsody, and I’ll learn how to create a melody of my own. If I can learn how this great environmental conglomerate functions together, then certainly I’ll be able to figure out my perfect place within it.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
One
THE REFORMER: Rational and Idealistic. Principled, purposeful - self-controlled and perfectionist. I wanted to change the world. Change? Perhaps reform is the better word. This precious earth that we all inhabit, learn, and grow in; I wanted to somehow reform it completely into an immaculate Eden. A treasured elysian. It wouldn’t be easy. No, never easy. But still, I believed. I would bring together the greatest minds, the greatest leaders, the greatest contributors; and create a world from the purest of ideals. I wanted to breathe life into the philosophies from the great sages of old. Socrates, Confucius, Einstein, Galileo, De Vinci, all of them. Surely, at least one of them must have seen the world in the way I did. They must have seen all the things we could accomplish together. No, I am not necessarily saying that I am seeking for recognition or God’s favor. Well, perhaps I am. Perhaps I believe that you and me together could bring to pass the greatest theophany there is. Either way, I just want to prove that every imperfection could be a lie.
By Kaitlin Christensen5 years ago in Psyche
