It’s okay to feel lost

Science states there is no way to escape a black hole... but I found my loop hole that has allowed me to get up and simply walk away. This particular black hole is that of what a lot of us are familiar with...anxiety.

These feelings I have pushed aside for many years and in the past couple of weeks it has slowly but surely dawned on me.

So long story short, this year out of all possible years I decided to move abroad.

Anxiety in a bottle I know.

I am from the UK and a split decision combined with work stress and life in general made me pack up and leave within the space of a couple of weeks. It may seem rushed but I had a well thought out plan ahead.

I had a job lined up, a house to stay, people to help me out.

And then... well you might of guessed it...

Corona happened.

All of a sudden my panic attacks start.

A few months down the line and I am without a job, barely any money left and with no possibility of going back home.

2020 you beauty of a year.

Along with all of it I am failing to learn the language and have completely retreated back into my shell.

I don’t want to go anywhere, I refuse to do anything, to talk, to sit and converse with people not through a screen. Every day I cried at least twice.

At this point I can’t even make a simple decision for myself and my future.

I’m on the way to disappearing into my black hole forever until...

I met a friend.

And from there my life and my mindset completely changed.

For weeks I had battled with myself to just get up and move...I just couldn’t. My anxiety would kick in and I panic at the thought of someone talking to me and I don’t understand.

But that day I said yes.

For the first time since February I felt happiness. I ended up conversing for hours with her we liked a lot of the same things and laughed at the same jokes it was as if we had known each other for years. Since then we have been nearly inseparable. I even feel more confident speaking the other language when I need to and going out and being more adventurous.

This may seem like a random fictional story with all the plots and events missing but its not.

It’s me telling you that you aren’t the only person who is anxious about being anxious and its okay to feel lost. I had been struggling for months until my guardian angel came along.

So take small steps. Breath. And once in a while.. just say yes to those random plans people ask you to be a part of that you say no to or maybe take a step and do something on your own you’ve never imagined yourself doing. It will be worth it.

The universe is an amazing place to be.

Own it.