Insomnia or Genius

I have never been diagnosed with insomnia. As a kid, sleeping and nap time was a breeze. But now at the age of 24, I lie awake at night wondering why I can’t shut my mind off, close my eyes and fall asleep. Sometimes I read till my eyes simply cannot take it anymore—that being 4am in the morning...

One of the basic necessities is sleep. I do it every night so shouldn’t it be easy? It’s a routine, I go to bed at the exact same time so my future sleep cycle won’t get confused and I lay there hoping for my dreams to take me under.

But I can’t.

My mind thinks a mile a minute. I think so fast I could honestly be stupid or I could just be a genius. When I lie in bed at the same time almost every night, my mind wanders. My husband has no problem falling asleep. Last night I asked him: “What are you thinking about?” As he was half asleep. He muttered, “I don’t know, I’m not really thinking about anything.”

I looked at him in shock. I said “How do you do that? Not think..” he shrugged and instantly fell asleep. It amazes me how he can fall asleep that fast. I knew he was sleeping because he was snoring a minute later. His snoring no longer bothering me.

He sleeps easy, but for me, my mind replays everything I saw, did, read, said, what other people said or did, what I ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Even how it tasted and what I thought about it I remember. And that’s not even the weird part. I can turn my brain back in time to a day that I thought was important to remember. Such as when I was embarrassed at school during that elementary spelling bee—I remembered that whole day morning to night as if it were yesterday.

I was so nervous that I spelled halo when the word was hula, and then tripped on the cord walking off the stage and almost fell off the stage itself! After that I was crying feeling ashamed of myself because I was the best speller in my class. Like how do you mix those up?

But from an average day, to a day I want to forget or a day that I don’t want to forget, my brain stores it all. Now some days, I won’t remember. Such as those days like solving a difficult math problem I solved in Geometry when I was younger. I have to really try. It’s like selective memory almost.

All of this makes me wonder if I actually do have insomnia or if it’s just normal to think about your whole life right before you fall asleep. Some nights are pretty normal, but it doesn’t go without a fight to sleep. It’s safe to say I don’t take naps for this soul reason. I have read that depression and stress will do a number on you. I have been going through a rough patch, and have been trying to make new life decisions. I got married last year of March, and that will be a year next month! Therefore, new things are blossoming. However I have always liked change and change has always been great to me.

Then it just revolved to “maybe I’m just growing up?” As we get older our thoughts become more intricate and in bits. We have so many things to do and so little time to cram! I wish I had powers and could just snap my fingers and get it all done just like that! Unfortunately, my life is not a fantasy, it is a reality.

One of my friend’s said that those that think fast are known to be the most intelligent. Maybe that’s it. Hah!

What’s it going to be brain? Insomnia or am I just a genius in disguise? You pick.