In a world full of anxiety

Since I was in my teens, I have always felt this feeling of overwhelming tingles in my chest. I found myself seeking help for the sensation and it was severe anxiety. Since then, I have been taking medication for it. I am not in my 30’s and am seeking more than my medication to help me. After Covid hit us all, I basically lost myself and who I was! Then, I found other ways to cope with my anxiety. Writing my feelings and journaling more, being closer to nature and enjoying every moment the universe had to give, and prayer!

I find myself in a mental state on days that I simply feel I cannot control, but it’s all in my head- I simply need to put another subject or activity in front of me to avoid any panic attacks. Why has it been so hard lately? I could only asssume the financial hardships we face today in this world. We can only try as hard as the Universe gives us energy to! If we over work out brains will also go in all directions to distort happiness. It takes much time to get in a happy place and to find it- I can’t say I have completely due to body dysmenorrhea, but I’m getting closer to being comfortable in my own skin. It’s that anxiety that creeps up when I’m in a social environment!

I tell myself, “ Take a breathe”- I breathe, and it’s back to normal. Then other times, I am overloaded and I have to basically hide. Is this normal? How have I succumb to this person? I used to be the life of the party! Do I need to see a counselor? Psychiatrists seem to be overworked and diagnose you with every possible condition- ( I have been on over 12 pills at one time) pretty much a Guinea pig to the doctor! So I opt out on psychiatrists. I can’t vent to anyone- I’m sure someone can relate- they always say they don’t know what to say or how to help! Then, nobody calls, nobody texts, your phone becomes silent and you think somethings wrong with you!

Nooo- what really happened, I got sober in 2018 and in my neighborhood, if you don’t drink, you’re not cool enough to be someone’s friend. I have no friends. My mother and my husband are mh best friends. Mental health is hard! We try and try to keep ourselves maintained as much as possible but sometimes time slips away and we become slugs. But how do we get back? How do we overcome those hard long term, even short term goals? Slowly and with the use out our brains! I have seen so many people just think it’s a beeeze to live on their own but in todays world it’s almost impossible unless you’re rich or famous. Who can continue to pay on student loans? Not me! Who can continue paying on medical bills just do our credit doesn’t crack? It’s simple- Life is hard! Very hard and we learn as we get older.

I know it has been rough, but we all have to keep trying. I cannot give up especially now! With gaining weight from prior surgery, to the rise in prices in the world, every day is a new day and I thank God I have the opportunity to wake up and try harder the next day!

I hope this resonates with someone and my writing is for someone in the same situation. Keep our heads up and nobody can stop us from achieving our highest abilities in life!