Imposterism and Faking Adulthood

I began feeling like an imposter in my early teens. I never expressed it much or learned the term "imposter syndrome" until much later in life. Then it all began to make sense. As someone with diagnosed anxiety and depression, I constantly compared myself to others and wondered why I was achieving at the same level as them. One of the roots of imposter syndrome is failing to recognize one's own achievements.

Regardless of the fact that I was one of the first in my family to get a four year degree, pursue a master's degree, and buy a home by myself before age 30, I felt, well, pointless. While others were getting married, having kids, and landing their dream jobs, I was working a 9-5 floundering about trying to find something I cared enough about to pursue long-term. I believe there are many factors that have contributed to a rise in those suffering from this syndrome. One of the biggest contributors is obviously, social media.

Social media has led to a rise in all kinds of mental issues among young people particularly. It brought about things such as cyber bullying and comparison traps that highlighted the photo shopped success of others while making you feel small and unaccomplished. I had to stop using social media for the most part and take periodic breaks, aside from prolonged meme scrolling, in order to help preserve my mental health. As an artist, I would constantly come across artists that were "better" than me, by my standards anyway. As a single, my feed was riddled with engagement rings and dream weddings. It's hard not to compare yourself to others since we live in a world where everyone's life is on full display 24/7 365.

I felt like I was floundering about in a sea of mediocrity just trying to keep my head above water. One upside that social media has brought about is the discovery that I'm not alone in these feelings. With the rise of things like TikTok I started discovering people around the world who were feeling the exact same way I was. They felt inferior, fake, and little. Even though I was making decent pay, owned a home, had a wonderful supportive friend group and a family that loved me, I constantly felt like a fraud. This feeling of fraud came to great prominence when I started my MBA program. I have a BA in Studio Art and decided to pursue and MBA in International Business. Suddenly I was expected to know things I didn't and write about them with confidence. To my surprise, I was getting As, praise from teachers, and thriving. And what was my reaction?

"Are the teachers stupid too, because that last assignment was a mess?!"

I've constantly been told I'm smart, but I've never really believed it. "Am I really smart or does everyone else just have really low standards?", I thought. Despite always making good grades and earning various academic achievements I felt like a 15 year old faking their way through an adult life. I'm saying all this to say that basically I felt like a fraud faking achievement or just "getting lucky".

However, this doesn't have to define my life. I don't have to let these feelings stop me from moving forward or trying new things. My life will never be anyone else's, nor should it be. There's only one me and while there may be people before or after me to do the same things, they'll never do it quite like I did. It's okay that my art is different, it's okay that I'm not married and don't have kids at 31, it's okay that I feel like I don't know what I'm doing half the time. People who suffer from depression and anxiety, such as myself, often have these feelings. Everyone's human experience is unique. I can keep trying new things and succeeding or failing. While some people discovered their true passion or talent at age 7, others, like me, don't feel that way. People like me have to try a thousand things to find one that interests them or that we feel we are genuinely good at. So if there's any advice I can give to those of us who suffer from this feeling of imposterism and inferiority it's this: embrace that this is a part of you, own it, and don't let it stop you from growing and moving forward (whether that be personally or professionally). You're not alone and you're not worthless. Chances are that a lot of those "perfect" influencers you aspire to be like feel the same way you do and they're looking at someone else thinking the same thing.

Here's a list of some things I did to help myself out with these feelings:

1. Make a list of accomplishments. This doesn't have to be long or determined by anyone's standards but your own. If completed college was a goal for you personally and you did it, put that down. However, it could be something as small as learning how to cook your favorite meal without a recipe!

2. Find a hobby. This has been unimaginably helpful for me. This year I decided to take up competitive running and train for a half marathon. While this may not be your cup of tea, there's tons of classes, social groups, and things these days you can pour yourself into and enjoy in your free time.

3. Tell someone. I spent years in silence trying to put on a brave face and acting like I had it all together. As soon as I told my best friend, her response was "OMG me too!". There are likely others around you feeling the same way or who can at least empathize with you and it helps to get it out.

Don't let this feeling take over your life and control you. Most importantly, don't let it stop you from accomplishing things. Take a break from social media, clear your head, and remember you are uniquely you and no one can take that away.