How your subconscious will remember trauma that you may not and the reactions it will have!

This picture seemed like a happy family but when you get to the end of this you will see what is wrong with this photos and what’s hidden inside your mind that some who have had trauma don’t realize.

This story starts off with a happy four year old girl who loved her life and at that time it was whole. The joy of my mother taking us for bike rides and holding me when I was to scared to go down a hill. The father I barely saw but who without be knowing would be my downfalls, despite all the love I still naturally felt inside. On August 12th 1996 the absolute worst day of my life occurred! I heard everyone whispering at the babysitters and a young kid come jumping on the bed laughing saying..”your mom is dead!” I replied no she is not and proceeded to walk to the kitchen and noticed all the grown ups crying and hugging me. As I tear up writing this that was just the start to the trauma that lies ahead waiting. Even thought I don’t remember a lot at that age I remember most pieces from that day. I remember my sisters father who was not biological coming and me never seeing her again until I was six years of age. I remember being at a beach playing not yet realizing what was truly unfolding. That night after crying saying where is mommy and remembering those two pieces of gum left on top of a refrigerator that never were touched she had left if we were good girls . I was passed back and forth and just. Felt so much pain as everyone else did. That night and years following I saw these these rainbow orbs always just moving around my room and never knew what it was. It wasn’t until later in life and this subject coming forth that my aunt informed me the night my mother had passed away she came into my room to see me acting as if I was truly hugging a real person . She heard me say good night mommy I love you! And she didn’t know what to do but closed the door in tears walking away! This is how I know there is another side wether it be heaven or them prior to going but your loved ones see everything when gone. But besides this all the reason of this story for anyone who has faced trauma or abused u see the man to the right of me holding my daughter! That is my father. At the age of 7-9 years I was molested by him on walks through the woods I was told not to say anything or I could get in trouble and he was helping me. I was made to do thing to him that in my gut felt wrong but as a child didn’t much know. As a lot I had blacked out the little I did remember and my subconscious remembered stuck with me my entire life. I became an addict I had no family, but I knew what I had to do to get myself out of the rut and it was to come clean tell my truth and set myself free. I also forgave but I will never forget. He cannot be allowed with my child unsupervised as I’ll always protect her and I made sure of that. Did I press charges no , I felt losing two parents would make it worse. Which it would have so as a Christian I forgave though this is just the little bit of trauma and bad luck I’ve faced through my life who made me! I have a beautiful child and went from using drugs to cover the pain and the thoughts and rewinds of those times I knew were wrong but I pulled myself up and out. I thought I had moved on but if there is anything I’ve learned it that even if your think u have moved on from something traumatizing your mind will always remember. I never noticed this until a family member showed me this photos and asked me what I saw in it? I said i don’t know? I am happy? She said hunny look closer and zoomed in.. without me even realizing it my mind subconsciously told me to protect myself without me realizing it. If you look where my hand is it is in front of the area I was protecting. But. It wasn’t me protecting myself it was my mind and my subconscious remembering . So to anyone who has experienced trauma or think you have forgotten remember u may forget but your mind does not . If you feel uncomfortable in a situation then there is most likely a reason and it may be a reason that you cannot remember but your mind does. This was a huge eye opener for me and for anyone else dealing with issues who can relate I hope this arrival may help you a little also.

This is a true story and just a glimpse into the mind of someone who has experienced trauma and what your mind can remember you may not.

Written by

Marie allen