How I Saved Myself and Overcame Bullying

As a painfully shy, socially awkward kid, I was no stranger to bullying. I desperately wanted to fit in but I was so bad at conversing, I often became the target. I was pretty "thin-skinned" back then, and often times I would cry out of frustration or because kids were picking on me.

Throughout elementary school, I was called "cry-baby." In middle school, there were times at lunch that I would try sitting with people I thought were my friends, but they would get up and move to a different table. They would smerk and laugh at me, and I would often times move to a different table or eat alone. One time, during recess, there was a bet going on between the guys in my class to see how long it would take for me to cry from a fight. Three girls to myself. They were telling me about how I don't belong and pushed me down and pushed me against an oak tree. This was all behind the teachers' backs, so they never got penalized for it. There were so many times when kids were invited to sleepovers and slumber parties that I was never invited to. I remember wanting to fit in so bad and always feeling left out. Kids were so cruel back then. There weren't many people that stuck up for me in times of bullying, not even the girl I thought was my best friend.

When I got to high school, I was excited because it was a new school and a fresh start. I still wasn't the best at conversations, but I was hoping I would find people that would be more accepting of me than the kids were in middle school. The only problem, was that the kids were even more cruel. I just didn't see that at first. During the fall semester of my freshman year of high school, I experienced the worst bullying of my entire life. I thought I was lucky enough to date a sophomore boy, but it turns out our relationship was a complete lie, and he was using me to become popular. The freshman and sophomore locker bays were in the same area, and both classes had a calendar to talk about any upcoming events for their class. On the sophomore class calendar, one Saturday in October of 2008 said "the big day" and was circled, underlined, and had exclamation points. I didn't think anything of it, but after that Saturday came and went, I soon learned that that was the day that I was supposed to "blow" the guy I was seeing. Something so intimately personal that didn't even happen. The guy I was seeing at the time told everyone that I gave him a blow job. After that, I was subject to sexual harrassment left and right. Guys pretending to wack off when I passed by, not letting me leave classrooms to molest me "because they knew I wanted it." It broke me. I wanted to die. I didn't want to live because I no longer saw a point.

I was continuously picked on and laughed at for something I didn't even do. And since I didn't want to be labled as a "cry baby," I made up a story about a friend dying so I could pretend like I was crying about that instead of the major depressive feelings I had. It took me years to finally admit to people that that story was made up and that I was pretty suicidal. I tried three different times to commit suicide, and all three times I stopped myself right before.

But after some therapy sessions, I stopped being suicidal. I still had depressive feelings, but I was figuring out how to work through them. Something in my mind just clicked for me. This was the school that both of my sisters had graduated from. This was the school that I had always wanted to attend for high school, and that I wanted to graduate from. Was I going to let these kids get in the way of my future? Not anymore. From then on, I made it like a competition for myself. If I got to graduation, I won. If I tried to kill myself, those kids would win and I would lose, not only my life, but to the kids that all tried to beat me down.

After high school, I was determined to go to college and renew myself. After the years of constant bullying, I set a goal for myself to never experience that again. I joined a sorority (eventually becoming president), and really found myself and people I could be completely comfortable with and a complete verison of myself. I found my career and I've been helping people ever since. I often think about the adversity I faced in middle and high school and in a way I'm almost grateful for it. I've realized who my real friends were throughout all of that and while I never really received any real apologies, I know my success and happiness is all that truly matters. If I never turned my pain into a competiton, I may not be here today. It does get better. Ask for help when you need it. Don't be afraid to put yourself and your happiness first. I saved myself and I'm so thankful for that.