High and Away

I sat in the darkness of my room taking in the cold summer breeze of Toronto through my half-open window. I have always wondered what the neighbors thought of my morning routine since I could never get myself to get a curtain to shield my occasional nakedness; What they imagined of such obscenity - The salaciousness - Day, and night, sunrise, and lights-out.

While I portioned myself on the dining table chair that has served my room all so well, my hands laid on the sit's swiveling arm damaged from me leaning on my left side - the habit of a tumbling posture. The hair on my bare chest, shoulder, and arm rising and falling as the breeze pulsed - nature's heartbeat. I was engrossed in a true-life story movie starring Kevin Hart and Brian Cranston.

Usually, I would have passing thoughts of ideas, realities, and stark realizations - mostly connections to the movie's story and the acts therein. Bryan Cranston played a quadriplegic billionaire who lost it all, a man who was all but lost until he met Hart, Kevin Hart. Cranston played Philip Lacrasse, while Hart played Dell.

Halfway through "The Upside", melancholy struck as Lacrasse told Dell the story of losing his wife, a loss he felt was his fault, he had made them paraglide in the storm. You could see the tears engulf his eyeballs as he gazed into himself a memory of looking down into his wife's soulless body on rocky grounds. Lacrosse said something that he meant literally, yet it spoke metaphors to an extreme situation that has ravaged society. He said, "Oh, God, it took me so high, and then took it all away".

I have had my bout with addiction, in fact, I have been aware of my predisposition to addictions of all manners since I knew my left from right. Throughout the months of the pandemic, I have sunk even deeper into what seems to have taken hostage of my being. Forevermore my biggest fear will be the fear of which struggles with me for control of my mind.

My Fight to Claim the Belt

I want my moment of melancholy to be one of a swollen-faced champion, that is, the referee of my existence elevating my hands high up while the sore loser exits the ring. When you see my wounds and the adorned belt wrapped around my waist, you will give credence to the fact that I fought and won. However, just as learning an opponent’s techniques is critical to winning, learning how addiction influences my design is integral to my full recovery. I have begun to seek refuge in Jesus Christ, in His word. I believe that He created man in his own image, this implies that the more I know about him and understand his ways, the more I am bound to understand myself, my perfect design.

Relapse : The real downer to an effort to dignity is the definition of a relapse. Among other things, I have always wondered why I loved Robert Downey Jr. - his journey in, out, and back into stardom while conquering addiction has been a masterclass in “making it out of deepshit”. Everytime I have fallen down the rabbit hole I string myself to people like Downey Jr. to get me out of my misery. These fighters have been role models in that aspect of my life.

High and Away

High and away is what addiction does to one: The substance involved solves your immediate craving as it simultaneously encourages the next craving, and the next, and the next until you are held hostage. This beast strips you of your livelihood, it takes away your dignity; You are shamed to the ones you love, you run from them and you lose 'em, you lose it all. Away! High and away.