Freedom

It was another excruciatingly hot day in Tijuana, but JR did not notice. He spent most of his days and nights inside, with the occasional trip to the market. As he lit his pipe, for the tenth time that day, all he could think about was how am I going to get out there of this? The darkness and depression that ruled his mind was full blown after nearly thirty five years of drug and alcohol abuse, and the suicidal thoughts kept creeping in. It shouldn’t be too hard to find a way to die, after all he had spent the last twelve years living in “The most dangerous place on Earth”, as he commonly referred to it. Is today going to be the day, the day I end it all?, he thought to himself. Taking a large drag the Meth quickly entered his system and all was right in the world for a fleeting minute. Temporary bliss...was just that, temporary and the despair moved over him like a thick fog. Alone...he was always alone, then looking over at the dirty coffee table his mind focused on one object.

Reaching to grab ahold of the little black notebook, he began to think what’s the use? This time, something in his heart told him to look again at the pages of his well worn, leather bound book where he had been scribbling for years. He slowly ran his fingers across the embossed name on the cover, JR Richtor JR. He momentarily reflected on the day he had ordered it online. It was meant to be a vessel to put down all of the crazy thoughts that overlapped in his mind from all nine of his personalities, truly believing that by getting them out of his head he would not need the drugs and alcohol anymore. He had hoped that by penning them, he would no longer have the need to block out the bad memories with his vices.

The book never served its intended purpose, but instead JR used it to list all of the people that he had ever cared for in his life. All of the friends, family, lovers that he believed had cared for him just as much once upon a time. He was not a fan of social media, but would sometimes go online to attempt to find the people on this list. Sometimes he would send little messages just hoping for some kind of human connection. To his chagrin, most of the people that he thought had once loved him, only carried a deep hatred for him. He had hurt so many with his addictions, that most had written him off for good. Except for one...Camilla, what had happened to her? The thought left just as quickly as it had come.

Another glass of booze, another hit....day after day, night after night, when was the last time I ate? When was the last time I slept or showered? It seemed that nothing in the world mattered more than getting high, but the reality was that all JR wanted to do was stop. All the wasted years, no family, no love, no career were weighing down hard. Regret... The money was always there, the drugs were always there, his mom made sure of that. She made sure to take care of her son for twenty years by paying for everything he needed. Then one day it all came to a crashing halt.

It was Christmas Day when the blow hit, his mother had had a massive stroke. His father had stopped talking to him years earlier and was now in control of the finances. He laughed and hung the phone up on his son when he asked for help to get back to the states and see his mom. Ultimately, this meant no money for JR, not one single dime. When he finally talked to his mom she told him there was nothing she could do and to stay away. Feeling like his parents had now left him for dead, he was homeless and wandering the streets of Tijuana just wishing for death. Until one day he pulled out the black notebook in an attempt to get out of the hell he had made for himself.

JR managed to talk to an old high school friend who agreed to come get him from the border and he could stay with him in Vegas. A few weeks in and the name Camilla came up. He decided to give her a call and it was just like they had never missed a minute together. She had no idea that her name had been written years ago in the black book and that he thought of her often. They cried tears of joy remembering fun times they had had, and tears of sadness for the life they could have had together. He had always driven her away with his addictions and he chose women who would do drugs with him to avoid loneliness. Camilla had never stopped loving him though and a voice inside of her head told her to help him.

JR soon learned that Camilla was doing very well for herself financially. Romantically, however, her life was a nightmare. She had been married and divorced three times, but continued to believe that her soulmate was out there. She decided to send him twenty thousand dollars to help him start a new life, so he immediately bought a plane ticket to visits her. Upon seeing each other after twenty seven years apart, it only took a few moments to realize that they were meant to be together. JR stayed sober from that moment on and they were soon married and magically in love, enjoying every possible minute together and never stopped holding hands. They were the happiest either one had ever been. In the end they saved each other.