Focusing on What Builds Me Up: A Profound Mental Health Lesson

Over the past year, I’ve come to realize just how much my mental health journey depends on identifying what nourishes me versus what drains me. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is the importance of focusing on the people and activities that build me up rather than those that tear me down. On the surface, it sounds simple, but the complexity lies in recognizing those influences, setting boundaries, and fully embracing what helps me grow.

At its core, this lesson is about energy—where mine comes from and where it goes. Each day, I encounter people, situations, and choices that either contribute to or detract from my well-being. But for a long time, I found myself fixated on the negative: the person who dismissed my ideas, the activity that drained my enthusiasm, or the toxic relationship that made me feel small. I’d get caught in a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety, wasting my energy trying to fix or justify those situations instead of walking away from them.

I’ve struggled with this balance more times than I can count. For years, I prioritized people who didn’t prioritize me, convincing myself that if I worked hard enough to be likable or helpful, they’d eventually value me. But over time, I realized this was a losing battle. No amount of effort could change the fact that some people weren’t meant to stay in my life long-term. Holding onto their validation only dragged me down, and I didn’t fully understand the weight of it until I started letting go.

The shift came when I began paying attention to the people and activities that genuinely made me feel good about myself. It wasn’t about dramatic, life-altering moments—it was the quiet validation of a friend who listened without judgment, the spark of joy I felt pursuing a hobby I loved, or the sense of empowerment I got from saying “no” to something that didn’t align with my values. The more I leaned into those experiences, the more I noticed a pattern: when I invested in what built me up, the things that tore me down started losing their hold.

This shift has required three things: recognition, boundaries, and reinforcement. First, I had to recognize what and who built me up. For me, it’s the friend who respects my mental health journey, the coworker who believes in my abilities, and the quiet moments I spend writing or meditating. Recognizing those sources of positivity felt like taking a deep breath of fresh air—I could feel the difference instantly.

Next, I had to set boundaries with people or situations that drained me. This didn’t always mean cutting ties entirely, though that’s sometimes necessary. More often, it was about creating space and standing firm in my needs. For example, I’ve spent less time with certain critical relatives and even stepped away from work environments that felt toxic. These boundaries weren’t about punishing anyone; they were about protecting my own energy and mental health.

Finally, I’ve worked on reinforcing the relationships and habits that help me grow. This part takes effort because it’s easy to take the good things for granted. I’ve made a habit of checking in with supportive friends, showing gratitude to the people who uplift me, and carving out time for activities that recharge me.

The impact of this shift has been profound. By focusing on what builds me up, I’ve started to see myself more clearly. I trust my instincts more, value my contributions, and feel more confident pursuing my goals. Sure, the voices of negativity are still there, but they don’t define me anymore—they’ve faded into the background.

There will always be people and situations that challenge my peace, but I’ve realized I have the power to decide how much space they take up in my life. Focusing on what builds me up allows me to reclaim that space and turn it into a foundation for growth. It’s not about avoiding challenges altogether; it’s about choosing which ones are worth my time and energy.

I can’t control others' actions, but I can control how I respond. Surrounding myself with people and things that support my journey isn’t just a choice; it’s a declaration that my well-being matters. I’ve learned to live by this lesson, and I plan to carry it with me for the rest of my life.