As we all know we don’t get to choose the life we are born into, but we do have the choice as to how we choose to live the life we are given!
So many times I’ve heard addicts say “I can’t help who I am or what I do, it’s what I know and what I’ve always known”. It’s who I am, it’s what I was born into or just my Destiny. But that’s only an excuse to make themselves feel better about continuing to do the same things their doing so they don’t feel bad about who they have become and who they’ve are today!
Hi I’m Ashley! I’m 31 and a mother of 3 beautiful children and I’d like to share my story with you and tell you how I found my way back to a world I’d feared I’d never have the opportunity to see clearly again in my lifetime. Like any addict I had a very Trumatic thing happened to me when I was a child that I didn’t really know how to cope with or deal with or even understand why it happened to me. so I looked for any way I could to Numb what I was feeling instead of trying to work through it. I had so much anger inside of me that I became afraid of myself At times and what I was capable of doing if anyone said the wrong thing to me. And the drugs just made controlling my emotions even worse but I couldn’t see that. I hated myself!
My dad passed away when I was 11 and I never got the chance to get to know him because my mother kept me from him from the time I was 4 because he was a heavy alcoholic and drug addict and she didn’t want me seeing that. It made me angry knowing that I’d never really get the chance to know him. But the last time I would see him would be in a casket! I became someone people really didn’t care to be around much not even my own family. Over time I built up so much anger and hate in my heart!
At age 12 I was molested by my mothers boyfriend and because of my history of anger no one believe me not even my mother. The one person in life who is supposed to believe their child. So that one did a real number on me. He convince my mother to send me away to a children’s home where I stayed for two years.
When I finally came home he did the same thing to my sister. I found out about it and at that point I was on so many drugs that I didn’t care what I did to him or the consequences, I was numb! I gave my mom the option to leave him or she would sit in jail right beside him. So she left him!
By this time they had a child together but it wasn’t that child’s fault that his father was who he was. At this point I decided to get my self together. And I did for a few years. At age 15 I met the man who would soon become The father of my first child. At age 16 I discovered methamphetamines And pain pills. I did those until I found out I was pregnant at age 17, with my first child. I did the right thing and stopped no matter how sick I felt, I knew I had another persons life inside of me that deserve respect and growth. The day my son was born I couldn’t of been more happy and I felt complete for the first time in a long time. I felt like I finally had this precious little life, this person who would always love me unconditionally and would never leave me because he was all mine.
Before my 18th birthday I got pregnant again with a daughter. But the way she was conceived was not your typical way! I was cleaning a house for somebody and the man came in and rapped me! That did a number on my self pride. But I knew I had to stay strong. I gave birth to her and I struggled a lot after she was born. I noticed that I didn’t hold her as much as I held my son. I only did the basics that I was supposed to do as a mother. Like Feed her, bathe her, change her and that’s all I did. I suffered from postpartum depression really bad because of what I’d been through. My cousin helped me with raising her and I think God for that every day.
As I struggled with all of this I ended up turning back to drugs but this time it was worse. I had become an IV user and eventually I lost control of myself and the drug. I allow the drug to take over. My kids didn’t deserve that. But, I did it anyways and I wasn’t proud of myself and who I had become.
In 2011 I met another man who became my third child’s father. We were together for five years till he became abusive and I left him. He took my daughter From Me, kept her from me, and tormented me with her. So I did what I knew Best! Started using again. But, this time all three of my kids got taken from me! My oldest two kids ended up with my brother.
It was at that moment in my life that I I have hit rock bottom and I had a choice to make...... what meant more to me my children or the drugs?! I chose my children because they never judged me or hated me or stopped loving me knowing who I was and seeing all I’ve been through. They never turn their backs on me so I wasn’t gonna turn mine on them! I’ve been sober for five years now and I have my babies back and life is so beautiful. It took some time to fully love myself again and to understand that we are all human and we all have a choice in life and it’s those choices that make up who we are what we are and what we will become. You just have to want something bad enough to get it! I still have my days where I feel like life sucks but I get through them without using and things always seem to get better again over time.
I hope this has reached someone struggling with addiction and you see that your not alone in this life and if this saves even one life then it was worth telling my story! Don’t ever be afraid to seek help cause you never know..... maybe the person beside you is going through the same thing and needs your help too.
Thanks for reading, yours truly, Ashley!
About the Creator
Ashley Wilson
Hi, I’m Ashley! I’m 30 yo, mom of 3 and I feel like everyone has their own perspective on things and we can all learn something new from the next person‘s opinion.
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86 Life
When we think of fast cars and trucks we automatically associate them with men. No one really thinks about women finding passion in building a car or racing. Because nine times out of 10 women are the ones who are the first to take their car to a mechanic and have it fixed or have the oil changed, tires rotated, stuff like that because we just don’t do it ourselves cause it’s a mans job right? Nope! Not in all cases. Hi, my name is Ashley. I’m 31 years old and I love everything about fast cars and old school trucks! Alittle about me, I’m the first girl out of 4 older brothers so as you can imagine I was raised around all the things boys like to do. Watching and helping with car build projects were always fun but when I got my own Toyota 86 sports car all the ideas came flowing in! No it isn’t an America muscle car or anything like a Chevy nova or a Thunderbird but it has given me a new respect for foreign imports. And of course u can’t have a sports car without it being a manual.
By Ashley Wilson5 years ago in Humans
Do You have a Support Network?
Life is harder when you’re on your own. Human beings are social creatures, and we usually feel better when we have support from a strong social network around us. For most people, it’s our families that hold us together like glue.
By Elizabeth Woodsabout 6 hours ago in Psyche
You're Not Lazy — You're Mentally Exhausted (And No One Told You)
You’re Not Lazy — You’re Mentally Exhausted (And No One Told You) For years, many of us have carried the same quiet belief. That we’re lazy. That we lack discipline. That everyone else seems to have life figured out—except us. We watch others move forward while we feel stuck in place, and the conclusion feels obvious: Something must be wrong with me. But what if that conclusion is wrong? What if the problem was never laziness at all—but a level of mental exhaustion you were never taught how to recognize, name, or respect? The Silent Burnout Nobody Talks About Mental exhaustion doesn’t always announce itself loudly. It doesn’t always come with breakdowns, tears, or visible collapse. More often, it shows up quietly. It looks like wanting to do better, but feeling unable to start. Like beginning tasks with good intentions, only to abandon them halfway through. Like feeling guilty for resting, yet too drained to be productive. Like losing interest in things you once cared deeply about—without knowing why. From the outside, you may still be functioning. You show up. You meet expectations. You get things done—just enough to survive. So you call it laziness. And eventually, you start believing it. But laziness doesn’t come with guilt. It doesn’t come with frustration or shame. Exhaustion does. Why Motivation Alone Doesn’t Work We are constantly told to “push harder.” To “wake up earlier.” To “stop making excuses.” But motivation cannot fix a tired nervous system. When your mental energy is depleted, discipline feels heavy. Focus becomes painful. Even simple decisions begin to feel overwhelming. This is not a failure of character. It’s a biological and psychological response to prolonged pressure. A mind that has been running on survival mode cannot suddenly switch into inspiration. No amount of self-criticism will create energy where none exists. You’re not broken. You’re overloaded. The Pressure to Always Be Improving We live in a culture obsessed with progress. Hustle culture. Productivity culture. Comparison culture. There is always someone doing more, achieving faster, resting less. And without realizing it, we internalize the message that slowing down equals falling behind. Rest becomes something you must earn. Slowness feels like failure. Pausing feels dangerous. So instead of listening to our limits, we punish ourselves for having them. We push through exhaustion. Ignore warning signs. And call it “self-improvement.” But there is nothing healthy about constantly overriding your own capacity. That isn’t growth. That is self-neglect disguised as ambition. What Actually Helps (Quietly) Real progress doesn’t begin with pushing harder. It begins with honesty. Honesty about your energy—not your intentions. Honesty about your limits—not your potential. Healing mental exhaustion often looks unremarkable from the outside: Acknowledging that you’re tired without turning it into a flaw Allowing yourself to pause without guilt or justification Reducing noise instead of adding more pressure Choosing consistency over intensity Creating space instead of forcing motivation Energy cannot be bullied into returning. It must be restored. And restoration is not weakness—it is strategy. A Different Kind of Strength We’ve been taught that strength means doing more. But real strength often looks like knowing when to stop. Like choosing clarity over chaos. Like offering yourself compassion instead of criticism. It’s the courage to admit that something isn’t working—without blaming yourself for it. If you are struggling right now, hear this clearly: You are not lazy. You are mentally exhausted. And exhaustion is not a personal failure—it’s a signal. A signal that something needs care, not punishment. You don’t need to become a different person. You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You need rest. You need understanding. You need permission to be human. And that is not a weakness. That is where healing actually begins.
By Med Abdeljabbar5 days ago in Psyche
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