This was the first piece I wrote regarding everything, before I could get myself to be open because it's scary.
I intentionally chose images with statistics on both men's and women's stalking because it is a problem for everyone, not just women.
Starting in January 2025, four months after I ended our relationship (if it can even be called that), I was getting about one call a month. He was blocked but still able to leave voicemails (I find that crazy... If someone's blocked, it's likely for a reason). I thought it was pretty much over, just a nuisance at this point.
Fast forward to May 5th, after a few months of me finally being able to function a little bit better, without hyperventilating when I leave the house...
Monday,ï»ż May 5th, beginning around 7:40 pm: the doorbell rang. My brother got closer and saw it was Asshole, my ex. My mom saw when my brother stepped out who it was and had me stay in a certain spot, so he wouldn't see me. I had no problem, as my anxiety was through the roof, not knowing if he would hurt me. I went fully into freeze for a little while, just waiting for my brother to come in. To hear what he had to say. So, he comes back in and tells me, "He came to try to reconcile with you but I said I'm not forcing you to talk to him." I said I'd go out and my brother came with me. He wouldn't have let me go without him. Before going out, my brother grabbed a knife. He had no plans of using it but he had met Asshole before and from knowledge I have, it made sense.
We went outside at the same time. He tried to speak first but I wasn't letting that happen. I knew I was following my thoughts. (Plus he can fuck himself for not listening to me before.) The first thing I said, whole cutting him off, was "Shut up." Then I continued with, "You need to leave me the fuck alone. I've told you since September and this is your last chance to listen." Of course he tried interrupting so I made him shut up (yelling) and I refused to listen. I gave too much kindness, allowed too much from him, and I was done. I had my brother so I laid it all out. "I ended it for a reason. I cut contact intentionally. All you've been doing for eight months is harassing me." All that was said in a monotone voice with a stoic expression. My brother was also stoic, as normal.
I tried saying, "Leave me alone forever," which led to more begging. My dad got home from work so this wasn't good (for Asshole). As soon as my brother saw my dad get out of the truck, he had the BIGGEST smile, yelling, "Hi dad!" He also knew it was going to be a shit show.
Our dad walked over asking, "Who's this?" My brother said, "I've got it." I looked at my dad and said, "My ex." That told him everything he needed to know. He knew about the abuse and stalking, once I started to open up. I missed quite a bit because it was traumatic. All I remember is calling 911 in a panic when my brother, a criminal justice student, told me to. I was hyperventilating while trying to answer her questions. The time between getting off the phone and walking over to the cops was blacked out, other than my sister seeing me frozen with tears in the driveway giving me a hug. She's not affectionate but she still has compassion. My brother, dad, and neighbor were in front of the neighbor's house and it was physical. That's the extent of my memory for that part.
My dad was already talking to the cops, with my neighbor (a former cop) nearby, in case they had questions for him. I was listening and gave background about the relationship. We didn't press charges since dad would have ended up with charges too. (My dad was honest and compliant so the cops were helpful.) "I wouldn't suggest going after him for trespassing or harassing," but he made a suggestion that happened.
My mom called my aunt once we were back inside. She asked her to take me to the courthouse to file for an order of protection. I tried once in September, once he showed up at my job, but now more has happened. Now the authorities have been involved. They told me I should do it.
We got there early May 6th. I filled out my paperwork. Then, I saw someone who types up the petition. All the same as September. Until I'm escorted to the referee. They are like a judge with some limitations. I was sitting there, anxious as fuck, in front of a referee, several unknown people, and a sheriff. (The sheriff was incredibly sweet.) She was asking about this abusive man, if he can be called a man.
I survived the anxiety and the shame. She thanked me, particularly for answering the "personal question" that she asked. I was given two options in advance for the order of protection. One was nowhere near me physically but calls, texts, emails, etc. are allowed. The other was "stay away." No contact in any way, shape, or form. I chose the latter. It was granted. He can't be within 500 feet of me, my house, or my job.
I had it served the next day, when I was in the city police jurisdiction from my appointment. Twenty minutes after the police officer came to get it from me, I got a called from the dispatcher that he was home and received it, meaning it is in effect.
We have court next month. If I don't show up then the order of protection is invalid. If he doesn't, they can issue a warrant for his arrest.
* * *
I am not sharing this for pity. I'm sharing it because I know it's hard to talk about. I had this written word-for-word for weeks. First it was no access to my account. Then it was fear. I started to type and it took almost two hours because I froze at parts. I was trying to deny it happened but that's not the case.
Another thing that's not okay is how dismissive many professionals are. It took him being at my house for anything to happen. That needs to change.
* * *
Also, for anyone who copes through music and can relate to this. Not Guilty by SkyDxddy is about just that.
About the Creator
Rene Peters
I write what I know, usually in the form of poetry. I tend to lean towards mental health, epilepsy, and loss/grieving.
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Comments (3)
đ«hugs, Rene, I know how hard this was for you
The system is broken. At least now you have several records what he is capable of doing. You just have to repeat all the incidents again at your court date. When you showed me his creepy letter, I had a feeling you were going to get your order of protection. Stay strong ! Glad you have your family support not many stalking victims have that.
Excellent informative piece on a scary situation for the victims. Hope this gets a Top Story