Feel Your Feelings with "My Feelings"

In fact, our emotions are easily driven by others. For example, when watching a movie, in a specially created bad environment, we are easy to empathize, or laugh, cry or sad. There will be similar feelings in life, and most of them are moved by things that we identify with in our hearts and things that we can understand. If it is out of range, there is no emotional response in any case.

Sometimes I am moved by the words of the children, and sometimes I am annoyed by their crying. Is it because I hate crying children? It's not like this. Seeing the child desperately looking for his lost sticker, the reason is that the teacher rewarded him. The meaning behind it is affirmation and appreciation for him, not money. I can't help but be moved and envied their innocence and cuteness.

When adults were children, they were very eager for their understanding. When it was hard to get them, they sought out companions to comfort and understand each other. When they finally grew up, they became difficult adults and lost the ability to communicate with children. Probably because I have forgotten the world of children, or it may be beyond the real life perception of the National People's Congress, or I am selfish and only have my own feelings, thinking that children are delicious and delicious, there should be no worries, it is best to stay quietly, don't use it. Crying to trouble the parents.

When your child comes to you crying, what is your first reaction? No matter what the cause is first, your emotions must first be infected by your child's emotions. If your emotions are not dealt with, you need to solve the problem, which can easily lead to problems. Sensing the emotions of others is a prerequisite for communication.

I have seen children walking and tripping over themselves, adults yelling and running over in a panic, the children were frightened by this overreaction, froze for a moment, and began to cry. How can parents not feel distressed when their child falls? But what the child needs more is a warm embrace and gentle words. After the examination, there is nothing to tell him that it is nothing, everyone will fall, and he is a brave person who can stand up by himself.

What adults need to do is restraint, restraint panic, restrain too much intervention, restrain self-conceited concern. Zhou Yijun said that her mother was very "laissez-faire" to her, and she made many big decisions by herself, choosing schools, careers, and even being a war correspondent. Mom didn't raise any objections, but it didn't mean she really agreed. Mom said that the most thing she did to her since she was a child was to endure. To endure not to say, not to care, behind this is belief and respect.

It is a blessing for children if adults are aware of their own problems. It is not difficult for us to communicate with children. Through learning and practice, we believe that children are willing to open their hearts to their parents and trust us.

When you see your child's emotions, first identify the feelings.

When children have emotions, or express emotions, parents can't turn a blind eye, but to confirm their emotions. This confirmation, which is truly an emotional connection, must be body-to-body, heart-to-heart, not mind-to-brain, language-to-language. It is reasonable to acknowledge that emotions exist, and to understand that emotions arise for a reason. Instead of simply saying something like "don't cry, be strong".

Embrace children's emotions

Psychologist Bion proposed the concept of "mental container". He believes that if we can act as a large container to accommodate a child's emotions, we can catch his tears, sadness, powerlessness, and even aggression.

Be able to understand your child’s emotions with empathy, bear the anxiety your child’s emotions bring to you, instead of withdrawing or attacking back, so that you can see the vulnerability hidden under his emotional appearance and accept this part of vulnerability , it is very helpful for the growth of children.

With understanding and tolerance, talk about communication

When the child has a bad mood, you can have a patient talk with him. During this process, do not criticize or control, and listen carefully. Listening is difficult. Adults often use "I think" to think, but do not know "you think".

Maybe the ideas of adults are very suitable for society, and you feel that the ideas of children are naive and do not want them to take detours. But the fact is that the more they oppose them, the more they support it, which makes the parent-child relationship tense. Even if they reluctantly obey in the end, they lose the aggressiveness of young people. Parents may wish to let them experience more, including failure and pain, when they are young. Remember that emotional support is the right connection to focus on your child's needs. It can make children feel that they are a living person and can feel the temperature of this world.

Encouragement and support can help children grow, but so can parental patience. The key lies in proper guidance to help him see the essence of life; respect him and let him face the world as an independent person.

Parents' fear and worry are the nature of parents. At the same time, they are like double-edged swords, which cut off the danger and cut off the wings of the child to fly.