Emotional maturity

Simply put it is the LEARNED ability to manage day to day situations and interactions by managing our emotional responses to them.

Emotional maturity, or emotional intelligence (one leads to the other)came across my Facebook feed at some point and caught my eye. This is because I recognized it for what it is right away! Something I'd been striving for throughout my adult life and a key factor in our dealings with each other! In relationships, partnerships and in casual encounters we share every day.

Naturally, I felt it is something I should write about!

How often, when we're driving, usually at the end of a long, frustrating day, do we scream insults at other drivers with all the windows up so no one can hear? Or have full on tantrum like discourses at the radio because something is said that incites a passionate rebuke? Come on, admit it! I know I have! Infact anytime I feel emotionally stressed out that is one of my favorite outlets.

That's right, I do it intentionally! Why? Because I need to. It feels good and it helps me get to where I can think clearly and above all, it doesn't harm anyone else! It has been instrumental in helping me achieve emotional maturity. That and long walks!

Emotional maturity is learning to understand emotions and how to manage them! It is proven through decades of research that it's NOT healthy to attempt to suppress or ignore our feelings. To "clamp down" on our emorions or attempt to "control" them. 'Tis better to let them out in a safe, private way and work through them!

Symptoms of emotional suppression range from ulcers and other physical ailments, to self destructive behavior or inappropriate outbursts that result in socially damaging repercussions. So, what do we do? What can we do to prevent the repercussions of unmanaged emotion?

I am a huge fan of a certain space ferring sci-fi TV franchise! I Love the whole premise of it. One thing that, at first, perplexed me then later amused me was a society of advanced Extraterrestrials that spurned emotion! Saw emotions as evil. I remember how they went through countless generations of training to suppress their emotional nature and idealized logic above all else!

I thought they had it wrong and I noticed they often displayed chinks in their emotional armor. I noticed too, how arrogant they were? How condescending! Indicative of prejudice and contempt, both of which are emotionally based.

The writers and creators even had the foresight to come up with a mental condition that was a direct result of, in their case, centuries of emotional suppression, a synaptic breakdown that occurs during the fourth Earth century of their much longer life. It didn't hit all of them but it was an issue for their kind! Often treated by their society like we humans used to treat STDs.

Humans were shown to be quite at home with our emotions and although the afore mentioned ETs perceived this as a weekness they still seemed to marvel at how unstoppable we are! How we "rise to the occasion" inspite of our flagrant "handycaps". It was, to me, a "fascinating" dinamic!

Ultimately it is conveyed that emotional suppression is not an answer to dealing, specifically, with ones violent nature. We're okay with sharing love, joy, excitement, all those good feelings that make those around us feel good too. We are okay with sharing grief, sorrow, sadness; those are emotions we connect with because, at one time or another, we all have to go through them and no one wants to go through them alone. Ideally, they are also rare!

On the other hand sharing our anger, rage, frustration, despair, not so good! These are emotions/ feelings that can be very destructive and often make those around us uncomfortable and want to distance themselves from someone who is expressing them! Especially when directed at those who are present!

Sometimes we can find emotional support from someone for those feelings, when they are not directed at the supportive entity. But even then if not properly managed those feelings can make us lash out at the one offering support.

Also, with many people, anger and rage are intentionally utilized to intimidate, control and dominate others. I won't go to far into that for this writing, except to say that emotional maturity and management is crucial in dealing with these kinds of people.

Being able to manage our own emotions- being emotionally grounded- makes one strong enough to resist the ploys of those who try to control through emotional imbalance and fear!

One also learns compassion and empathy through emotional maturity.

So how do we get there! Well it's not easy. But then few things worth doing are. I started, naturally enough, by walking away whenever i was in an emotionally tense situation in which I found I couldn't think clearly or respond with clear intent.

I didn't just walk away, however, I took time- necessary time- to calm down and work through how I felt and why I felt the way I did. This, often resulted in a reluctant apology or a solution to an emotionally charged problem, because through the course of exorcising the emotional tension and reviewing the situation I could, eventually, see more clearlyt and thus, understand my own role in the events that caused my emotional distress.

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This process also helps us relate to others, to empathize with those around us! So if you're one who wants to do better at handling your emotional responses, start by walking away-- for a while. Give yourself time to process how you feel instead of just reacting instantly! Practice expelling emotional tension in private! Relating to and understanding how others feel. And honestly examining how you feel.It may be slow going at first but In time the 'processing' will happen quicker, with better clarity and honesty, resulting in better interaction.