Domestic Violence Survivor Story

✨My Domestic Violence Relationship Becomes A Stronger Woman Story✨ (Trigger Warning—long story)

In 2014, DS and I have know each other for more than 10 years before dating him. He was like my best friend. We have been like each other for a while. We have been talking on facetime everyday. I have been asking him the questions why did he no longer with his ex especially they had a child together. He made it clear that his child's mother is crazy and called cops on him because he is a black man. He said, "She hit me and fought with me. I tried not to hurt her because she was pregnant. She kicked me out of our home." He was crying because he missed his son so much. Of course, he made me believe him and gave him support as much as I can. His mother didn't want him to live with her even he has no place to go. Unfortunately, it bothers me about his mother and cops part. His story is fishy and it wasnt sit with me well. I ignored the one of the red flags.

We have been talking about moving to Texas and made it clear to him once you move to Texas, please find a job and get his own place. It is because it is too soon to live together. We weren't dating since we have been like each other for a while. Once he moved to Texas, he lived with me for temporary. I didn't see any problems if he used my iPad because I trusted him. It is not like I am hiding from him, we made clear that we are still getting know each other. So I fell asleep for a short nap and he turned on the light for no reasons. He walked back and forth while I woke up and puzzled. Asked him, "what's matter?" He looked so angry and stared into my eyes. So I got up and asked same question again. He said, "who is the guy you are talking to?" I blew my mind by his sayings and thought we had conversation that we are still getting know each other. I said, "oh you looked into my text conversation, he is a hearing guy and we are just friend" It was nothing between us. All of sudden, he was yelling and cursing at me. That is when I knew there is red flag and kicked him out on very same night when he moved here. He said, "I thought we are an item and we had conversation, remember?" and it got me more confused. I didn't know what he want from me. I realized that he was gaslighting me. We got into argue over a hearing guy (I literally laughed about this). He was outside and sit by the door. He acted like he was a little boy cry, well literally he is a boy. We were heating argued. We are supposed to go out at bar for Happy Hour on that night. I remember it clearly and my bestie confronted him. She said, "If you f*** with my sister, I will F*** YOU UP!" My bestie's partner tried to calm her down because she just had a baby. My tears filled up in my eyes and in the back of my mind, I wish he didnt move to Texas. But I let him back in. We went out at bar on same night and thought he would be change (unfortunately, I can't change him). That is one of the red flags.

Fasting forward, there are many red flags, it is almost a year and my bestie decided to move back to Md which I didn't want her go because deeply inside in my heart, I was terrified of DS. He showed disrespectful of me and my bestie's family, drove my car around (fucking around with bitches), smoking blunt in my car even in my home (God forbid no smoking or blunt in my car) without my permission and he doesn't care about any of things that I owned. He banged my car because he drove too fast. It costs over $500 for damaging my car. God knows what have been he mess around with b**** and jump in bed with me. I closed my legs and it made me so sick. We got arguement and got into fight physcially EVERY SINGLE DAY! That is one of the red flags.

We went to Arizona, we argued in my car and he yelled too loud. He sped up faster over 100 mph. I told him, "CALM DOWN, F**** YOU!!!" Of course, I got scared and my heartbeat throbbed like crazy. He blamed me for his son's mother who refused to let him see his son because he drove to Arizona for nothing. Well there is nothing I can do about this. He literally destoryed my car, actually he beat up my car in order to make sure that I couldn't go anywhere. I told him again, please slow down, yet he was still driving faster, faster, faster. I closed my eyes and said to God, "Let it be happen and I wanted to die in car accident so he wouldn't have to hurt other women again."(wishful thinking). Well nothing happend because God made sure it wont happen to me. He had to pick his dog up at somewhere place in Phoenix area. His dog is beautiful and excited to see him but I can see that he is scared of DS. I can see him confused to go with DS. I am sure his dog didn't want to go with him. Drove more than 8 between 10 hours ( I couldn't remember), I said nothing to him at all, not even starting to conversation with him periodt. It drove him crazy so started argue with me and still yelling at me. I bended my face down and refused to look at him. I will never ever forget on that night, we were argued in my car and I told him STOP THE FRIGGING CAR NOW. He refused and still drove faster so I decided to open the door to get out. He had to stopped. He drove away and left me in the middle of the night nowhere. I cried so hard and I had to walk in the highway. I texted his friend about the situation. I wish I called 911, I mean I wish but still scared of him. Somehow he came back and jumped in my car. He was still argue with me again again. I told him to get OUT of my car! He got out and got his dog out. It made me guilty to leave him alone in the middle of night but damn what is matter with me?!? He just did to me in few minutes ago. I tried to assure him to come with me to go home. We SAID NOTHING EACH OTHER. Finally I dropped him off at his friend's home. I was tired so I slept in my car at his friend's home. Yea that was nice of them (chuckling) especially his friend enabled DS's behavior to leave me like that in my car in the middle of the night. It was cold night. When I woke up, so I went home alone and cried cried cried. That is one of the red flags.

My instinct tell me something off about him after he got home very late from out (I knew it was a woman). He was sleeping heavily so I decided to check his phone. There you go, he has been seeing a woman by using my car without my knowledge. I went off and pissed at him. I woke him up and cursed him out. Said, "what the f*** you are doing to see a b**** behind my back? Move in with this b**** and she has a place, go ahead!" He locked the door inside which he refused to let me out and I yelled LOUD to get someone attention but they are deaf or ignored me (oh well they can’t hear). So I went to get my iPad to facetime and he took it away. He actually THREW my f****ing only iPad and it shattered all over on the screen. I exploded and snapped out at him. I took his phone before he could grab it but I was too late. (I wish I threw his phone so he can't use his d*** phone) Finally, he let me out and told him to move out NOW. Yet, he refused and said I have no place. Like I said I don't care! He begged and cried. Said, "please let me stay here and I won't see her again" I let him back in AGAIN. (He lied through his teeth). That is one of the red flags.

He got upset with me that my income tax didn't come through on time. I said, " boy, this is my f**** money that I worked so hard. It is not yours!" Just because he can't go to baseball team in Florida. He tried to controlled my money. That is one of the red flags.

That is when I kicked out by ex roommates and they didn’t care about my well being. I went through so much with DS, at the point where I wanted to kill myself and ready to give up. I took tequila and pills, drove so fast and I kept drinking tequila and pills. I decided to contact my “bro” C and told him that I wanted to kill myself because I was stuck with DS and he beat me up every bones. He left bruises all over my body. I was so ready to give up and closed my eyes. I told God, “please let me die for once without pain”. My “bro” C stayed with me all the way and made sure I got home safely. I had no place to stay and I stayed with my friend’s home. Yet he still followed me and stayed with me which he had no place. Once again, we got into argue again, again, again and again. He got my car key in his hand that I can’t reach it. I cussed him out and told give my car key back! He was laughing and refused to give me. He said that is MINE! I told him no I paid the car payment and not frigging yours! Because he wanted to see a b*****. I snapped out at him, all of sudden DS jumped over around my neck with his legs and choked my neck which I couldn’t breathe. It is like the last thing I ever breath and let him kill me because I was tired of fighting with him. It is about to pass out and God knows that I m about to die in DS’s hands. That is one of red flags.

That is when I woke up, pull his dread hair HARDER and fought him off! He pulled my hair too like he drove my hair around and ripped off my scalp. It was very painful which I got bleed from my hair. I ran to get my car key and jumped in my car. I drove away from him. I went to see my good friend home and rang the bell. I was crying and broke down in front of my good friend A, she let me stay at her home. I had talk with my close friend, Ricky (he passed away, I miss you Ricky) about my situation and he made sure that I ain’t see DS no more. God knows DS texted me all night, day and everyday because he almost lost his job which he wanted to use my car. I refused. Told him see your new girlfriend to get you to your work. That is one of the red flags.

Last thing is I texted DS, I m no longer wanted to see you and I m SO done with you. U r not coming near by my friend A’s home. I went to the court and got restraining order against him. I was so scared of him because he knows where I went to work, school except for home. To be honest, I felt so GREAT when I did all of those things after texting DS that I am DONE. My worries, burdens has been lift off my shoulders. God knows me the best because He is not ready to let me go, it is not my TIME.

This is first and last time I will ever share the story with you all. It is because this was my healing journey which it makes me so strong woman. I m no longer fear. Please remember you are not ALONE in this. Those pictures I posted to remind me how strong I am through storm, rain, and thunder no matter what I faced.

My virtual hugs to all domestic violence survivors💜

(First picture: beehive sunglasses, nose piercing with half face as a mirror with black hooded (at this moment, I wanted to die).