Depression

Everyone gets a little depressed from time to time it’s unavoidable but some of us it’s more than a little and not as easy to pull ourselves out of it.

when I get into my depressed state I used to find it very very difficult and I got very anxious at the same time. I felt I had nowhere to go nobody to talk to about it, about why I felt the way I did and even if I did how would they react, what would they say, would they say “stop being stupid” would they say “what have you got to be depressed about” or would they say “think yourself lucky there are others worse off than you”.

I just didn’t know and it was scary as well as my disability things happened to me when I was younger that I haven’t spoken about and I’m in my 40’s now but it’s getting harder to keep locked away for some reason.

I didn’t feel comfortable speaking to a total stranger about it but at the same time I’m not ready to speak to family either.

So how do I cope well I have a number of ways that help me right now. I had heard of ASMR which stands for auto sensory meridian response. So I looked into it further. There are lots of people on YouTube with videos doing ASMR so I watched a few and most of them are not for me as a lot are females that flash some flesh just to get views but there are a few that I now subscribe to which are @calliopewhispersASMR, SophieMichelleAsmr, GibiAsmr, riverASMR, ASMR Shortbread, LottielovesASMR and Scottish Murmurs ASMR.

Calliope and Sophie Michelle have really helped me at my lowest points with calming my anxiety down, how i use them is like this when my depression is at its worst my anxiety goes through the roof so it’s time for ASMR. So I choose the video I want run the bath and lose myself in the voice of 1 of the girls while relaxing in the hot water, usually with either a special tea from my favourite tea store T2, a hot chocolate. Then depending on the time of day and if I get my anxiety down sometimes it can take a few videos I put my favourite music on.

Now depending on the mood after the ASMR depends on which music I can listen to. As some can put you back the way so I have to be careful here it can be sixties or seventies music or country music, sometimes Irish folk or I can have a Scottish band Runrig playing but if I play the wrong tune something to slow it can take me back into the earlier mode.

I also have now 3 close friends that I can talk with who know what’s happening with me and 1 who can tell through texts how my mood is and prompts me without pushing to open up to them, these 3 know how close I’ve been at times to just ending it. I think because they can relate to the depression although for different reasons.

Now I’m not saying that for 1 minute that whoever is reading this should do the same but give it a try at least.

I know ASMR is not for everyone and can take a bit to get used to it and get into it properly. The other ASMR artists that I use is to help me close my eyes and sleep at night. I just lie in bed earphones in lights out and have it on my iPad and let them talk me gently to sleep, it’s better than sleeping tablets I find.

I hope at least 1 person reading this finds it useful, and I may at some point write about what happened to me at a younger age. I’ve written already about my disability but not what happened to me a bit later on as I haven’t the courage yet for that.

As always stay safe and stay home it saves lives.

Thank you 😊❤️🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿