Depression Eats

Depression used to be a dirty word, put in a closet, so no one is tainted with the knowledge. Admittedly, it has come a long way, but certain people, still think that Depression is a disease, that one can catch it by being in the proximity or hide that a family member has been afflicted.

I don’t know how any of you feel, but sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong anywhere, like I’m the only one different. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD, 40 years of it. At long last a label has explained why I’m feeling like this many times over and over.

But that was just the beginning and not the long for ending I was desperate for. I became , well almost, expert at climbing that mental mountain, with chains attached. Going up, sliding down, up and down repeatedly. No wonder I felt like a blasted Yo-yo lol. I wrote a poem in 2019 and would like you to share , reading it together.

MY SHADOW

Is Shadow me loosing hope, It’s claws dig deep. I’m alone in this world, But my Shadow clings along.

My Shadow wants me to keep, To keep the noise aloud. Tip toeing thru my mind, My Shadow tries to overpower me.

In time it made me see, That my Shadow is mine to claim. I see Shadows everywhere, Many floating, sweeping behind, Behind many people, showing I care.

Shadows give me hope at last, Makes me feel , not alone. Part of everyone’s cast, Keeping pace amongst the crowds. Shadows are a part of us, A part that makes me believe, That I’m never alone to be, An extension of my own mind.

A part my me, that’s strong, Strong to be able to cope, To be me, to belong. My Shadow is my chains, Tho chains of freedom. Is a part of my hope, To finally complete me.

Life, at times can be funny, serious, sad and downright torturous, but a stubborn streak inside of me, keeps me a float, tho, I have lost my paddles before now lol. I do the usual therapy and am getting there, then COVID-19 happened. After awhile, I found that the lockdown actually helped me as I was at times like a wounded animal, slinking into its burrow, hiding my injuries. Depression hurts, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, it eats away at yr soul and hopes to destroy. Maybe one day, you’ll realise that Depression is a part of you and can make it listen to you

I’m not a medical trained psychiatrist or psychologist, but am sharing my true feelings in the hope we can help each other. Finding someone to talk to is hard. It’s hard, because, finding someone that has shared your grief or feelings in life like you have is rare. I need someone that understands where I’m coming from and where I’m going after arriving at my stand point.

Hobbies are my asset, my forgetfulness of my life for the time being what are you good at? Mistakes are a part of being human, so don’t give up, even if you want to. I love to crochet, garden, cook and shell crafts. It relaxes me, it relaxes my depression , which is very important. Concentration on something besides ourselves, actually helps us accept Depression in our lives. Sounds strange huh? But give it a go, I’m not promising you’ll be cured, your mind is locked on something else, even wanders to happy places and thoughts. It’s in yr HANDS.