Greta’s Story, told by an Extraordinary Cat.

My story in the beginning was very traumatic, very much so. Somebody dumped me in a trash can, leaving me terrified. Can you imagine it, me, in a garbage can. I still shudder thinking about it. Some stranger found me and took me to a place where other animals, of dubious character lived.

Looking down at my nose at these scruffy roommates, I held myself apart. I’m not a snob, just, you know, one has standards to maintain.

Then one day, the Son appeared and took me away. At first I was scared, but adapted to my new surroundings. I was a bit lonely at first as he was away all day and only came home at night.

No, I am not human, tho many think so as being smart is one of my strong attributes. See how good my English is, I know big words, better than my Mistress, (slave).

I was dropped off at this ladies place ( I’m still angry at him five years later). I should be the only female living here, as you know, a Queen needs space to hang her Tiara. I found out , in my disgust, that I was unloaded due to the fact that the Son was going to live with dogs. DOGS, I tell you, my anger was unbearable for a time and became my companion in life’s lesson.

I did discover this huge oblong thing that I could jump on and sleep there. It had the texture of a cloud and no, I have not been on a cloud, I just know. Being smart has its advantage you see. One night mum ( I call her that now) turned over and knocked me off the cloud thing. I admit, my anger got the better of me and jumped back up and smacked her on the arm. Mum laughed at me, humiliation was dire to me.

Mum feeds me well, tho I’m my opinion not nearly enough. Also, I’m sure she thinks I’m a dog as she tries to teach me tricks. Meow, it was easy and let her think it was all her doing. You have to do this sometimes, letting them think it was their idea and making them feel important. Meow meow

Sometimes when mum watches an animal show, I sit in front of this big black box and watch also. Baby bears and lion Cubs are my favourites. Maybe one day, I’ll be on that black box, but looking at mum lounging around, I don’t think so.

I know how to make mum uneasy. Sitting not far from her, I stare, not even blinking and she tries not to look at my beautiful green eyes. I usually win, meow, and mum gets up to either feed me or let me out onto my special place, the balcony. Meow in Victory.

The balcony is my haven, especially lazing in the sun. I let all my fur stand up until I look like a hedgehog. Well, she reckons I do, you know who I mean I got into a wee bit of trouble the other day, not my fault I tell you. I found these small green plant things and tasted them. YUMMY. How did I know they weren’t for me. Now what did mum call them, oh yes, cucumbers. Being a black distinguished cat, I assumed they were a treat for me. I hid for awhile, till things cooled down.

Do you know what people call me? “The Duchess of Aldinga Place.” I’d rather be Queen, but Duchess suits me well enough. I have to tell you about my pet hate. Mum ask this person to come over and hold me around the neck like I’m a kitten. SPIT. Then she starts to trim my fur from around my ( excuse the description), bottom and tail. How would you like to have this done to you! Humiliation is my companion, feeling a breeze where one shouldn’t. HISS.

When mum comes home, she tries to cuddle me. I’m not a fluffy toy, I’m better that that. My time, my choosing. I sometimes bite, a wee bite, maybe a little blood and I get a slight slap on my backside.

She who thinks she has to be obeyed, tends to talk baby talk to me. Me, a twelve yr old being talked down to like that. Anyway, lately, Mum has started wearing something on her lower face. Wonder if she thinks it makes her look better. I personally don’t think so, it looks worse Meow.

In Winter, I could lay in front of the heater I suppose I could admit my fur was singing. Mum would put the bed heater on for us, tho when she came to bed, I had to move. It seemed unfair to me.

Mum takes care of Bubby Fish, as she calls them. Boy are they tempting as they look juicy and fat. I decided to keep away from them, due to being allergic to water. Well I think I am as I hate it. The highlight of my life would be loving mum. Please don’t tell her that, I want to keep her on her toes.

Being twelve years old now, Mum calls me a grumpy old woman. Not sure what that really means or why, but I think it’s a compliment. See, another good word I used. Yes, I know my English is good. Meow Well this is the short version of my fantastic life and I know for a fact that you couldn’t have been bored reading this as it was an interesting story and know how envious you all are of my cat life. I am honoured you took the time to learn all about me. Must be off as mum needs her orders for the day. Meow meow.

P.S. Don’t you think, because I’m an intelligent cat, that I should have my own “Dear Greta” column? Having the life experience (another great word ), I would be good at answering human and animal questions.

Greta signing off, for now. MEOW 😻