When you think of death what comes to mind for you? Is it that Heaven and Hell exist and that’s where you’ll go? Or is it that you’ll live another life, a brand new life that makes you forget your old one. Or it might be that there is nothing at all, it’s just a dark empty room where you’ll be. But has anyone ever stopped to think about what goes through someone’s brain because of death? Now I know that there are the stages of grief, the key five stages. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Everyone goes through the stages when losing a loved one, but have you heard what they thought through the whole process, or did you just assume it was one of those key stages.
Denial is the first stage everyone assumes that they go through when losing a loved one. This is when most people feel sorry for that person and want to be there for them as much as they can. According to the PlushCare website, “a person denies the reality of the situation and may experience sensations of meaningfulness. Thoughts such as ‘this can’t be happening’ are very common during this stage.” But what if that isn’t what they’re going through at all. From my experience, I deny that I don’t want to believe that this person is dead. I don’t want them to be gone, so I’m not thinking that their death can’t be happening. I’m thinking that what happened was all just a bad dream and that’s all it will ever be.
Anger, you would think it would be explanatory. You’re angry at the world, you’ll take it out on everyone, and for PlushCare “it’s the first step to recovery.” Anger can’t be defined, anger is just there. You’re not angry at the world, you’re just angry. They were taken away from you, they left you alone. You’re angry with the fact that they are gone. But let's move on to the next stage, shall we?
Bargaining, makes you think that maybe there was something you could have done to help. You feel guilty about the fact that something could have been done. This stage might be described accurately for some people and for others it's not. For others, it might feel more accurate than for others. I know it was for me, I felt like I could have done something different. I felt like if I would have said the right things he wouldn’t have been speeding but I know now it wasn’t my fault. He decided to speed, not mine.
The good ole fourth stage is depression. Now, why would this even be considered a fourth stage? I know some people might feel this mentally and physically at this time. But for others, it could be felt throughout the whole process of grief. Loss and grief are hard for people to deal with, if you are feeling a struggle please don’t hesitate to ask for help or call the suicide prevention line.
The last stage is acceptance, the feeling of a weight being lifted from your shoulders. You accept that they are gone, but they’re not just gone they are there with you and always will be. You're accepting the fact that their death was inevitable and that you couldn't prevent it.
Next time someone in your life or yourself is going through grief, take a moment and think about what they need, not just what stage they are going through. You need to pay attention to how they are and not just physically, but also mentally. Everyone experiences grief differently.
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